Wedding budget down the drain

[heather007]

I am so freaky mad right now- I don't even know where to start.

 

My fiance has spent almost our entire wedding budget in the past year, while telling me that he has it saved.

 

 

I don't work because I go to university full time, am an assistant professor at the university, and am doing an unpaid co-op practicum experience. I don't have time to work. Plus, he makes well over what an average couple makes. Well, last February, he wanted to buy a 50" tv, and I said no, we need to save the money for the wedding, or, he could pay off my student loan, which equalled the same amount of money [$8000.00]. He told me that he would do both, pay off my loan and could still afford the tv. So, I said okay.

 

He was incharge of the budget, because it is ultimately his money, and he kept telling me that he had it already saved. Then, 4 months ago, our washing machine broke [it was two years old]. So, instead of calling someone to look at it, he went out and bought a brand new washer and dryer, costing [$2000.00]. Then, for some stupid reason, he decided that he didn't like our appliances [two years old] so he wanted to buy a new stove, fridge, and dishwasher. I said no, but, that didn't matter. They cost [$5000.00].

 

Everything he bought was on sale, so really good prices, but still. Oh, then he also bought new golf clubs, for him and myself, which wasn't needed, hockey equipment, and a laptop.

 

 

Grand total: $19,000.00 in the past year.

 

Our wedding budget was $18,000.00 but has gone up to $22,000.00 because of some extras.

 

What the am I suppose to do? We have $5000.00 in our offical "wedding budget" plus about $10,000.00 in investments.

 

I am so mad right now. I don't even now what to do. I sold the old appliances and got $1000.00 for them. Oh, and remember, I didn't find out this lack of money until today.

 

~~

[Alyssa]

Wow Heather! I am so sorry about this situation - i would be incredibly upset, angry and frustrated.

 

I think that this is a bigger issue than now finding the money for the wedding - this might be a blessing in disguise to have the time to work on the foundation of the relationship before the wedding

 

sorry girl

[heather007]

I know. I'm thinking that we need to call off the wedding to clear up this issue.

 

~~

[Alyssa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heather007 I know. I'm thinking that we need to call off the wedding to clear up this issue. ~~

I know heather i was thinking that but didn't want to say it. i know you are feeling and and probably (trying to make you laugh) but in all seriousness this is a really big deal.

how you handle finances is huge for a marriage b/c essentially it is a contract and being able to depend on your partner's word is fundamental - he needs to re-earn your trust now and that takes time.

[rodent]

i agree- this is a much bigger issue than finding money for the wedding. how did you find out the money was gone? have you checked his fico score? could he have other issues with money you don't know about?

 

the fact that you have been a student & not contributing financially does not give him the right to call all the shots with money. he should have been honest with you.

[heather007]

Yep.

 

What a week.

 

~~

[coppergoddess13]

Right now I make substantially more than FI (he is a grad student and not working). I still consult him on any major purchases, and we treat it as 'our' money because we live together already- we are already sharing our lives, so money had to be part of it.

 

I'm so sorry you had to find out about that so suddenly- like the other ladies said- this might be a great chance to step back and evaluate things with each other. Hopefully you'll come out with a better understanding between yourselves on financial issues- its important for the rest of your marriage, not just the wedding!

[princessina]

Oh wow, sorry to hear about your situation. I follow Alyssa's post that this is probably the best time for something like this to come up. While it seems like something horrible, just know that it could of been worse. Since there's nothing you can do to change the situation, focus on what you can do. It might start with addressing some habits and the underlying reasons or fears that come with them.

 

When I first met my fiancee he was a piece of work. Now he's just a work in progress but it took a lot of communication and I'm glad it's something we addressed right out the gate. Patience and compromising on both ends helped greatly.

 

Good luck and I wish you the best.

[Maura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa but in all seriousness this is a really big deal. how you handle finances is huge for a marriage b/c essentially it is a contract and being able to depend on your partner's word is fundamental - he needs to re-earn your trust now and that takes time.

i completely agree with alyssa. marriage is a contract. think of it this way: if your business partner did this to you, how would you react? essentially, your FI is about to enter into a contract with you (marriage) and already is not upholding his obligations to be a good "business partner," KWIM?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan i agree- this is a much bigger issue than finding money for the wedding. how did you find out the money was gone? have you checked his fico score? could he have other issues with money you don't know about? the fact that you have been a student & not contributing financially does not give him the right to call all the shots with money. he should have been honest with you.

yeah, how did you find out all the money was gone? was he upfront about it with you or not? did you discover it on your own?

I agree with morgan that just because you are not the money-maker does not mean you shouldnt be involved in financial decisions involving your household. it worries me that even though you told your FI no to a number of seriously large purchases, he did it anyway.

in our house, even if it's a personal purchase, if someone is planning on making a large purchase, we run it by each other. not for permission, but giving the other person the courtesy to know how money is being spent. if there's something we need, or think we need that's for the house and is expensive, we talk about it. whether it's smart to buy it now, where we can look for it on sale, etc etc etc. we have open finances with each other; although we have separate checking accounts, we also have a joint account and a joint credit card.

i'd say you really ought to at least postpone, but you should do what is right for you & your FI. i don't think its a great idea to take money out of investments or retirement accounts to pay for a wedding right now.

did a little part of you at least question whether all the money going to the new stuff was chipping away from your wedding budget at all?

[Soon2beTWells]

You need to talk for sure, this can not be something that he can continue to do during the marriage....it will work out, I know that is not what you want to hear right now, but things always find a way of coming together. Is there some kind of low % loan you can take (since you paid off your student loans) and make the same payment you were making on them...it seems that you would be able to pay if off next year as long as he stays away from best buy...good luck!!