Moving in with Future Husband

[*JillD*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by soulmates I think my bigest fear is not having my time any more. I live by myself now and I love being able to have my own time. And I know he enjoys his own time as well.

do you have an extra room that you could kind of keep as your room to hang out in, maybe watch TV or read, or whatever you like to do by yourself, that way you still have some space of your own?

Truthfully, I hate being alone, I hated living alone. Sometimes it is nice when FI leaves for a couple hours and I can relax by myself, but after a few hours, I get really bored and I want him to come back. I know I'm crazy!

[TammyB]

ROFL, what do you mean Sara I can't have it my way? lol

 

I'm a total perfectionist, and extremly anal. So if something is moved, even just an inch I know about it and ask "why did you move that". LOL Thank God Cain loves me still.. But with that said he does 99% of the cooking, and I clean the dishes, we both do stuff around the house, the one thing I won't do is clean the shower, so he does that, and he hates doing lundry so I take cere of that. Like everyone said, just take things slow and talk over your issues early. OH and one more thing, if our a clean freak and he sits an empty glass on the table and leaves it there and you always go behind him and pick it up, you are creating a lazy person, he will eventually get in the habit of knowing he doesn't need to do anything because you'll end up doing it. That's what happend in my first marriage and he became SO lazy..

[LisaG]

My FI and I bought a house in June of last year. We decided that he would give me all his money, with the exception of running $$, and I would pay all the bills. We merged our money as soon as we started living together. I would have a hard time with someone that wants to keep their $$ separate and not tell me things they buy. Having it together works well for us.

 

As far as cleaning, cooking and laundry. I do it all. He does physical labor all day also, and is tired when he gets home. Don't get me wrong, he will clean the kitchen (If I ask him too) with no compliants. He also folds his own socks. That's ALL the laundry I will let him do. He would totally ruin anything that he washes....I'd rather do it myself.

[soulmates]

He bought 7 acres last summer. So we have plenty of outside space..We are living in an apartment/garage for him one day that he built. Will leave there while we are building a house. Which that will probably be in 2 years. I've got a second bedroom, but its going to have all kinds of stuff in there..

[NATASHA]

When it comes to alone time, it's the same as the others have said about setting expectations about cleaning. It's good that you are alike in that you both like some time alone. You can talk through what will work best for you two - do you schedule it, let it happen naturally, etc.

 

A lot of people forget to talk about alone and together time. It can be a bit tough if one person wants someone around all the time and the other needs some personal time. It can be mis-interpreted as rejection when it's really just a need to be alone or be with friends to reconnect with yourself (what you fell in love with to begin with). It's remembering that the other person loves and respects you and your time and that you are coming together as partners but you in no way want to give up (or see your partner give up) your own individuality.

[Nrvsbride]

Natasha you are always so eloquent and give the best advice. I swear you should be a motivational speaker or a marriage counselor. Everything seems to make sense when you say it. Do you want to come argue my trials in court for me?

 

-Glenda

[TammyB]

We should change her title to DW marriage counselor. :-)

[NATASHA]

Thanks Glenda - I just like helping. That being said - I deal with ENOUGH legal stuff in my own job! Big hug to you for doing it regularly.

 

[leigh miller]

sorry - hijack here- but when i clicked on unread posts to see what i missed this thread was right above the im bored thread. for a minute i thought it said - im bored with future husband - haha!

[soulmates]

Thanks to everyone. For all of the good advice.