Making it legal...

bridetobe959 · October 11, 2008

so heres the story... my fI and I will be having our wedding in cabo but we decided to get legally married in california first. The problem is that my family is here and they want to come to the legal part (which is just going to be us signing papers nothing fancy in fact we are just going to be wearing our everyday clothes) and when my FIs mom got wind of it she decided that she wanted to fly down from Maryland to see it because she feels " thats when we really get married". At first I was ok with this but the more I thought about it I feel like its going to take away from our actual wedding in cabo. The way I see it is the cabo wedding will be when i truly am married and since we are paying all this money for everyone to come down and see us married in cabo the last thing I want is for my family and my FIs mom to think that when we got married was at a city hall. So my question is has anyone else had this issue? I feel bad telling my family and FIs mom we dont want them there but I feel like its the right thing for us. Any advice would be helpful!

JUSTUSTWO · October 11, 2008

There are lots of brides here who had "legal days" prior to having their DW. If you really don't want them at your legal day and if you already told them the date that you guys set, is changing the legal date an option? Then you & FI can "elope" on another day and have that as your legal day and don't tell your parents that thats what you did. Maybe you can tell them that you changed your mind and simply keep that between you & FI.

Or, simply explain to them as you did here....the legal day is just a formality but not what you are going to consider your wedding date. Your DW is what you consider your actual wedding & you don't want the legal day to take away from the experience of the DW.

If these scenarios are not options & you don't want to hurt their feelings, although you said you don't want to do this, can you reconsider just giving in & letting them experience your legal day? Just let them know that you don't want any extra hoopla...your gonna go to city hall, get married, and then that's it, no additional celebration. Let them know that the real celebration will be at your actual DW in Cabo.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it works out for you!

KLC77 · October 13, 2008

I would totally tell them that after thinking about it you and FI have changed your minds and want your DW to be the day you are truly married. Then go get married in Cali without telling them. They won't think they are missing anything and you will feel like your DW was your real wedding day. (which it is...)

ejaxon · October 14, 2008

I had a similar issue several months ago. For me, this was something my FI needed to take care of with his mom. He needs alot more practice standing up to her. As of now, its a non-issue. She doesn't accept it but we've stopped talking about it. She pulled every trick in the book from threatening not to come to Mexico, to calling it a "White-Trash" way to get married, to saying the church won't recognize it, so be prepared. Long story short, we held our ground, we explained our wedding day is the day we have our ceremony in Mexico. Some people recommended just letting her have her way but after thinking long and hard, its not what we wanted and that's what matters in the end. If its not that big of a deal for you, maybe you'll pick another battle. I posted the exact situation on this thread and someone equated a "legal ceremony" to renewing your drivers license. She wouldn't want to be there for that, would she? I still smile every time I think of that comparison. Good Luck.

Erika

bridetobe959 · October 15, 2008

thanks for the advice girls! I think sometimes DW are hard for families, especially parents, because they have this traditional wedding vision in their heads for their children. Hopefully my family and the FI's mom will see where we are coming from and not make a big deal out of it.