Shower, wedding, reception - What's the NORM?

CherBear · September 30, 2008

Hello everyone,

I hate to be naive but I've got a LOT of questions about how to make the most of my wedding experience. I don't really know the order of things and dont have a line up of brides maids. I don't have any family where I live. I'm kinda alone!

But that's not really the issue - I just want to list what I know about showers, weddings, and receptions - and I would like to know if I'm on the right track. I know there are no rules - I can do whatever I like - but I'm kind of not the type of person that thows parties - especially for myself.

Wedding Shower

From what I gather, this is a party thrown by my best girlfriends for me. I am supposed to be registered somewhere for gifts (or is that for the wedding gifts?)

I am 36 years old and have a home, furnishings, towels, - I don't need any of those things. : )

I'd love to have some artificial turf in my front yard - or maybe some double pained windows - but those aren't exactly "wedding shower gifts" haha

My point is, am I too OLD to be having these showers and all this "to-do" when I am kinda "over ripe". I've never been married, but somehow feel guilty about having my hand out expecting gifts.

Wedding

I have no plans, date, you all probably think I'm totally pathetic by now

Anyway - do I have to invite his adult kids? We want to be selfish and get married all by ourselves. But does this take away from the experience?

I'd love to have my dad and brother there. It's so much to ask people to travel in my opinion.

Reception

This is my biggest question - so after the destination wedding how do we share the experence with our friends? Do we rent out a hall or have a party at home. Do we tell people in advance that we are getting married but they are not invited? How does all this work?

Do I wear the wedding dress at this reception? I feel so silly asking all this but I just don't know what is the "right" thing to do.

I've been reading a lot of the blogs on this site and I am still learning what's out there.

Thanks for any comments and suggestions

Cher

trophywife · September 30, 2008

Hi Cher, congrats on your engagement!!

Well like you had stated there is no rules on what to do. And I'm lost just as much with you. But I'll give you my two cents anyways..

Bridal shower, we're not even going to have (at least I don't think). Everyone knows we're getting married so there is no need. I think we may just go together with our friends to dinner and just go out to a club or something just to get our groove on. Another thing is I find no need to have all the gifts, we're buying our FIRST brand new home, but we have almost all of housing items we need. (Furniture, decor, tables, plates, etc.)

As for the wedding, I think you should do whatever you want. But because you two want it just to be you two, I think you should just keep it as that. But I understand you wanting your Dad and Brother there, so if you can invite them because you feel it important I think it would be nice (and fair) to invite his kids (after all, they are his kids and now your step kids). Maybe they can't make it, who knows. But at least you offered!

After your DW you can chose how to celebrate however you want. I know people who have a second wedding. Rented hall and all!! Even walking down the aisle again!! Some people just rent out a place for the reception and wear their dresses. Some people are more low key and have a BQQ at the house. That's probably what DF and I are going to do. We're having a DW with about 50 people which is already stressful enough. I don't want to have to be freaked about planning another big event just days after my wedding. I'd rather just kick back and chill in my sweats and enjoy a BBQ in the sun. No catering, just my new Husband on the BBQ with some friends and a couple of bottles of beer with our iPod being our DJ. Very laid back, not stressful. Maybe to add a little element for the wedding maybe a picture slide show in the background through out the evening from the weddings so people could see our special evening. Some people I heard don't even do anything afterwards but send out announcements saying they got married and wanted to share the news. And also sorry that there were no guests there, it was just a simple wedding with the two of you. (In a nice way of course.)

Whatever you do, just do what fits you and your soon to be Hubby. Whatever floats your boat I know your guest will enjoy as well!! Have fun planning and good luck sweetie!!

RosieM · September 30, 2008

In the same boat as you. My FI and I bought our first home in January so the only things we need are for the house; paint, power tools, etc.

My FMIL told me they have a wedding registry at Lowes & Home Depot. You can register for the turf and people will buy you X number of square feet and the store will hold the credit there for you to use when you are ready. You might not get enough for an entire yard but its a start. I think that is the only place we are going to register.

As for the AHR (at home reception) we are probably just going to go to a park and have fun party.

Hartyt509 · September 30, 2008

Its different in the UK to the US and Canada.

Over here we don't have showers. We have "Hen dos" and "Stag dos" which basically means you go out with your mates, get so drunk its disgraceful, fall down hurt yourself and have a good time lol no presents follow.

Normally there is a reception after the wedding but I've been married before and am the same as you and can't be chewed with that.

We are therefore getting married in Mexico and thats it no party when we come back and no lists for presents

Again its something for you to decide really - pick and choose what suits you

CherBear · October 1, 2008

You are spot on with your reply. And I really appreciate all the different ideas - especially how to address the reception. I have to say that it's nice to have so much freedom to do what ever we darn well please!

Thanks for you comments!