Am I being ungrateful?

[stacey]

Ok long story short, my FSIL wanted to throw me my bridal shower. I told her that it would be an honor, so her and her sister were going to do the whole thing. There were a few ground rules that i laid out. 1. No games, 2. It could NOT be at my FMIL house 3. i want cheese cake for dessert.

 

So as we are drawing closer to the shower I have found out that my FMIL has completly taken over, (my FSIL is ok with it) it is going to be at my FMIL house and she invited a whole bunch of people that were not on my list, and that were not invited to the wedding.

 

We had a bad experinece with our engagement party that was at her house. It was bad because she said that she wanted to do it, and she would take care of everything. We ended up paying for 90% if it and planning the whole thing. And my parents felt put out, because FMIL didnt include them in anything.

 

Now my mom is pissed, because she said that my FMIL should have nothing to do with planning the shower and she mad that people are invited that are not invtited to the wedding (personally I think its tacky, FMIL thinks they would want to be included) And she feel's awkard that FMIL is taking over.

 

Wheewww that was a long vent. What do I do? I dont want my FMIL doing my whole bridal shower.

 

Well my mom got mad and called FMIL. She said it was not her place to butt into the planning, and it was incredibly rude to invite people that were not invited to the wedding. She also said that the engagement party was at her house and she didnt need to host a second party. So now the party will be at FSIL. FMIL addmitted that she did butt in. Im sure there was more to the convo as my mother can be a bit abrasive. However she said that FMIL didnt cry so that is good. A big part of me is releaved, but a small part of me is worried about what the Consequence will be. But a big releaf, whoo hoo my mom saved the day!!!!!

[LisaG]

Have you talked to your FSIL to tell her your concerns and that 1 of the 3 things you specifically said you did not want, is happening. I agree that FMIL should stay out of it.

[stacey]

Yes I tried yesterday, but then I thought it was kinda weird but she was a little deffensive about her mom taking over.

[beachbride08]

Does FSIL know what happened with the engagement party? I would maybe just mention that you heard the shower plans had changed and your concerned with guests being invited to the shower and not to the wedding. Unfortunately, though you may not have much control over what happens as they are planning it.

 

Maybe your FI can talk to his mom and sis about the situation?

[KLC77]

Hmmm, I definitely think you need to say something especially because of what happened with the engagment party. If you say something to fsil will she do something about it or do you have to go directly to fmil? That could be tough. Or, could your mom call fmil and say she heard about the shower and wants to help? Then she could oversee things a little...

 

The guest list part stinks because if they've already been invited there's no turning back. I hope they are aware they are not invited to the wedding or that could get sticky during the shower! Yikes. I'm no help. lol

[LisaG]

I don't think the moms are suppose to plan showers. Maybe you can tell her that?? I do think that's it's weird that she was defensive when you brought it up.

Is it too much work for her and her sister? Maybe you can recruit a friend or something to help them that might offer their house. Then you can put it off on your friend that she really wanted to have it at her house... Not sure if that would work. Just an idea.

[1elephant]

i agree, lisa, moms technically aren't supposed to plan. my sis gave my mom and mil a job, and that was it.

i'd definitely talk to fsil about it more...tell her it's NOT what you want, and it's supposed to be your day. OR, would it be possible to have your mom talk to one of them? my mother had to talk to mil AND fil about shower related etiquette. she did it so that i wouldn't have to be the bad guy.

[lhsing]

i would go directly to the fmil just because i don't think she gets it. i don't think it's rude to say that you may want your mom to take a bigger role in this - or something like that since she is YOUR mom. you can say it in a way that won't offend her like: i really appreciate you planning this shower for me, but i would really like my mom to be a bigger part of this event (for whatever reason: you're really close to your mom or something). also check with your fsil to see if she mentioned your boundary conditions to your fmil. if not, you should ask her to do so... just my $0.02

[sunset78]

Yikes... not good. Sounds like she's planning a party for herself moreso than you.

 

Is it possible to talk to your FMIL? Ask her not to have it at her home, and let her have some of your friends and mom help out. Or is she bullheaded and wants things her way (which is so wrong - this is for you!).

[Shay2679]

I agree...if either Mom was to plan anything for a shower, which I personally think should be left to the imaginations of girlfriends, YOUR mom should be the one planning. If your FMIL wants to plan something, she could talk to the GUYS and help plan the bachelor party!