Bridesmaid Issues??

[maura777]

I am not really having bridesmaid issues (except that I have too many - 8!), but there are definitely some that just don't seem to care much about it or want to be involved.  They happily accepted when I asked them to be in it but they have since not asked about any planning or offered to help with anything.  Luckily, I have other bridesmaids that are very involved so it kind of evens out.  Maybe some care less about me than others, but I have also realized that some bridesmaids just love weddings and the process and KNOW what is expected, while others just haven't been invlved in weddings before and aren't sure what they should be doing.  I try to just roll with the punches and hope for the best!

[DWBride615]

I don't have any bridesmaids issues just yet, but there's a high chance that I probably will.

 

I'm very close to my oldest sister, Magaly. She's 14 years my senior and she's like a second mom and a friend to, so I naturally wanted her to be my MOH. She's a mother of two, but I know we can work it out. Although I have 6 siblings in total, I only have two sisters. Since I asked my oldest sister to be my MOH, I kind of felt obligated to have my other older sister, Melanie, as one of my BMs. I'm not that close to my sister, Mel, but I thought it would be wrong to include one sister and not the other if I only had two to begin with. I don't expect her to be helpful really and she most likely won't be. She's more about herself. She'll except all the help she can get, but when it's a time when someone else needs help, she's out. We've never really gotten along.

 

We haven't started any heavy planning that includes the bridal party's help just yet, but we'll see how it goes. Something tells me it might come to me needing to replace her sometime along the road, but hopefully she handles the BM title without too many issues. I don't want to have to ask her to step down because she's my sister, even if we don't get along.

[SKing24]

The biggest reason I am upset is because I have other close friends I could have asked, but I was trying to keep the wedding party somewhat small (4 BMs) because my FI and I are covering their hotel costs.  So i had my two best friends and my two closest cousins.  I didnt think I'd have any issues with family.  But now that my cousin is being a big "B", I feel like its rude to ask one of my other friends because it makes it seem like they are 2nd choice.  So i dont know how to handle it now.

[Susan'n'Dean]

Yes i have had a very similar issue with my bridesmaid. We started planning our wedding a year ago and asked the bridesmaid and best man. My parents were paying for them but they just needed to pay for insurance and flight extras. They took ages to get passports sorted and arsed about getting money to us for those extras.....it got to the point where we would come away from their house and i would just moan to my fiance about how they arent trying to save and dont seem overly interested in coming to our wedding even though most of it is already paid for.

 

I made the decision to let them know that i no longer wanted them to come and i would find somebody else because they just didnt seem overly interested or committed in coming. Well that went down like a ton of poo, and we dont really speak anymore. However, it is one less stress on me for the wedding, and i have asked another friend of mine who seems far more interested. It does mean that FI hasnt got a bestman anymore, as my original bridesmaids partner was my FI's best man. He is cool though because hes not into all traditional weddingy stuff and is happy to go without a best man as our wedding party only consists of 6 of us anyway.

[SKing24]

I'm sorry, thats a shame.  I just can't believe how selfish people are!

[EricaMarie]

I am very worried about something like this happen to me.  My maid of honor who has been my best friend forever (we have been friends since we were 5) does not seem excited to go at all.  I am worried that she is going to back out later on me.  I am giving everyone over a year and a half to save.  Because of this I have been back and forth who to pick as my last bridesmaid between  my cousin and friend from college.  I know my cousin will be there for sure but am worried my friend may tell me that she cant afford it or something.

 

Good luck to everyone!

[tris]

I'm having bridesmaid issues too... ughhh... I guess that makes a lot of us, eh?

 

Most of my friends are guys. I literally only have a few amazing girlfriends who I love to death. It made choosing my bridesmaids A LOT easier though . So I had 3. My MOH, my sister, who I love dearly and is my best friend in the world. My best friend from high school, and my other good friend who I worked with for an entire summer and we became inseperable ever since.

 

Either way, #2 went to live in Australia for a year with her boyfriend. She left in September. I'd mentioned the wedding to her before we were in engaged last January (we've been dating for almost 9 years and I knew the proposal was coming) and when she told me about this Australia thing I was thrilled for her. She originally told me 6 months. So when we did get offically engaged we planned the wedding for May, thinking she'd be able to make it. I literally planned this for her. THEN she comes out and tells me they're thinking a year now.

 

This is AFTER I asked her and she said yes.

 

I was so upset. When I finally talked to her she said she still planned on coming. I left it at that but in the time after we fought about it and I mentioned how much it was going to cost her to fly from Australia and stay in Jamaica and she was shocked. She thought it would be $1000 for everything. Seriously???

 

So, like I said, she left mid September. As of right now I have 2 bridesmaids. If she decides to come then I'll have 3.

 

... As you can tell I'm still pretty upset about it. She's been my best friend (besides my sister) since grade 9 and I feel heavily shafted that I'm coming second. When we planned a DW we knew a lot of people wouldn't be able to make it and we promised we wouldn't get upset... but I didn't see this one coming at all.

 

/vent

[erinbrooke124]

Sorry for all the bridesmaid trouble...maybe it isn't a wedding without it:(

 

I just finished being the MOH in my best friend's wedding in July.  We set our date last April for June 2011.  I don't want to be selfish and I would never ask someone to change their life for me, but she totally got pregnant 4 weeks after their wedding (ON PURPOSE)!  Her due date is April 15th, so no suprise...they won't be able to make our wedding.  I am very happy for her, I just wish they would have at least toyed with the idea that maybe they could have waited six months to get pregnant so she could be there for me.  Oh well!

 

Seems like we're growing apart now that she is in mommy world and I am still planning my wedding.  The latest kicker is that she said "Because of all the violence my Mom wouldn't have let me go anyway."  Like that helps...  Plus, she's literally been to Cancun with me like 6 times in the past. 

 

Anyway...here's to all of us - beautiful weddings without drama

[sxcT]

Wow I fit right in here with you ladies.

 

First Issue: My BF just got married and had a baby.  The kid will be more than a year old by my wedding.  I asked her if she plans on coming and she said her and her husband want to but they dont know if they will be able to afford it.  My thinking is that you should at least consider coming by yourself if bringing the whole family isn't feasible.  She can come to my wedding for a minimum amount of time and would only be away from them for 1 entire day - that's it - just one day.  I just don't think she will even make an effort to come.  I am even considering helping out financially if she comes alone.  She is a bridesmaid and knows it so I would think she should try a little bit harder than if I was just inviting.  I also don't even see her wanting to be involved in the rest of the wedding planning, dress shopping, invitation making, etc.  It's sad but I just feel we have gotten more distant the past couple years...but I know that is life.

 

Second Issue: I have another friend who I have been friends with since 1st grade - 23 yrs.  I always considered her my BF.  Well her and I have had a falling out...more than once.  Last year on my bday was the last time we were together and we both hit our boiling point.  So she recently reached out to me and apologized and we have been talking back and forth and I saw her recently and things seem to be good.  I always thought she would be in my wedding but since we haven't spoken in over a year it just doesn't seem right to have her in the wedding, especially when she has issues with another one of my BMs.  She is a drama queen and usually wants all the attention so I can see it being an issue if I do ask her.  On the other hand she has been my friend the longest and even though we fight like sisters and don't talk for a while I still love her to death and she has been the only who has been there and seen it all with me.

 

Thankfully I have a wonderful sister and she is my MOH so that is one less thing I need to worry about.  Its sad to say but I actually have a few girls on reserve so we will see what happens.

 

Feels good to let things like this out.  Go glad I'm not the only one.

 

Wishing all you ladies drama-free weddings!! 

[Ms.H]

I'm in the same boat...my BF since high school had a baby and just returned to work in july after a year of maternity leave. Although I understand her circumstances, I dont feel she has made a genuine effort to be at the wedding. I too offered to supplement her trip, and the company we are going through allows equal payments over 12 months interest free. I also suggested she come alone if it made it cheaper...I know its not fair of me to be complaing, being on mat leave myself, i totally get that there is no extra money, however, she is planning on going away with her husband and baby a month after our wedding. I guess thats the part that really get me  I try not to let it get to me, but i'm sure on my wedding day, i will really miss her being there.

 

Originally Posted by sxcT 

Wow I fit right in here with you ladies.

 

First Issue: My BF just got married and had a baby.  The kid will be more than a year old by my wedding.  I asked her if she plans on coming and she said her and her husband want to but they dont know if they will be able to afford it.  My thinking is that you should at least consider coming by yourself if bringing the whole family isn't feasible.  She can come to my wedding for a minimum amount of time and would only be away from them for 1 entire day - that's it - just one day.  I just don't think she will even make an effort to come.  I am even considering helping out financially if she comes alone.  She is a bridesmaid and knows it so I would think she should try a little bit harder than if I was just inviting.  I also don't even see her wanting to be involved in the rest of the wedding planning, dress shopping, invitation making, etc.  It's sad but I just feel we have gotten more distant the past couple years...but I know that is life.