Bridesmaid Issues??

[msasfraz]

I had the same issue w/ my matron of honor... go figure... we are paying 1/2 of wedding party's trip costs and we gave them a 30 day deadline... well i understand that she was having a newborn baby so i extended her deadline to 90 days just to have your deposit booked. After 5 months, I sent an email to all the people that didn't take us up on the 50% contirbution and we were going to purchase their wedding day attire as a gift... Well she was pissed and said she didnt need $100 dress she wanted 1/2 of her trip costs instead b/c she knew we were doing it for everyone else... i was royally PISSED... it was simply understood at that point that she was no longer in the wedding.... well 2 1/2 months later we made up... she's still not coming to the wedding in Jamaica but she is on the 'committee' who is throwing my shower... It was difficult to go thru this stress w/ my best friend behind money... You may have to bite the bullet and apologize and find out what it is you can do to help her.... its weird b/c we should be getting pampered and our feeling should be the main focus but sometimes we have step back for a second out of the wedding bubble... i almost lost a really good friend behind $$...

[Kat81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dbld78 NOOOO..... I didn't ask her to be a bm, because of differences we've been having over the last year or so. Thank GOD because she's not even coming. It's funny you mentioned her because I just told my mom that if she and my other "BF" from high school don't show up to my shower I am writing them off...

Let us know how it goes... I am pretty much writing off the friend of mine that isn't going. I understand people can't make it but it isn't a money issue for them so whatever. If our Husbands didn't work together she would be wrote off completely.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenluvsmike I feel for all of you having issues! It's so terrible how people can be when we are trying to celebrate such an amazing time in our lives (and want to include people we think are important to us)! I currently don't have issues quite like all yours, but I do have something to talk about! My MOH is my sister and my BM is my brother's girlfriend (we've been close for a while now). Well...they broke up on Wednesday, after 5 years together!!! My brother is depressed and hurting, so I have to be there for him. But, in the back of my head, I'm thinking, "What the hell am I going to do now?" He's thinking that she might come back (although I don't agree with him taking her back), which puts me in a situation where I can't do anything until I know what's definitely happening with them for sure. Meaning, I have a back up plan for my BM, but I can't act on it until I know that she is for sure not going back to him, right? FH and I both decided that we'll wait a little while and when everything is for sure, if she doesn't wake up, then we'll have to 'uninvite' her - I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable at the wedding. ahhhh!!! So, now that I write it out, maybe it is a little more serious than I thought!!!

You poor thing. I would ask your other friend if you really want two people. I am sure no matter what happens your brothers ex would understand.

[kevsgirl]

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Originally Posted by jenluvsmike I hope she contacts me soon. My poor brother is upside down, not knowing what she wants. (And it's so hard for me not to be that "overprotecting older sister" - I keep trying to stay positive and just support him however I can!!) Unfortunately, I think it's very safe to say that it IS going to be way too weird with her coming down. I don't think she'll do it anyway. I have my MOH (my sis), but then FH has his brother for his BM and my brother for a GM, so things will be uneven...not that it REALLY matters. What do you think? Go without a BM or ask my really close girlfriend?

If you're absolutely sure you won't have issue with your gf, ask her. If you're worried she may not come, then just stick with your MOH.

So far I have my 2 sisters as BMs, no MOH and FI has no one... we're hoping his brother will step up, but he's flaky and may not come at all

[Samantha S]

I have to bump and hijack this-- I am so sorry that there are a lot of couples losing friendships over weddings. Is it pretty common for so much drama when it comes down to weddings? The past few weeks my wedding party has blown to bits and pieces over insane, ridiculous, selfish drama. I would never have expected it. It would take me ages to explain but I have been in tears several times and FI and I wanted a carefree, non-traditional, laidback, super fun wedding. I'm walking on eggshells left and right because it seems like it always backfires on the bride and they are 'bridezilla' but I'm getting stretched to my limits. Some one said it before in this thread-- but why do people weird out about weddings!!! We have always said, we completely understand if people cannot afford to come-- don't ever feel obligated. Now my BF wants to throw me a brunch (in lieu of a shower) and I just don't want to with how crappy some of my 'friends' have been.

 

I will say, I am over the tears and agree with the person who said 'look around on your wedding day and you'll see your friends.' AMEN!

[jesjess]

Gosh, it's always about the money, people people people,,,If you get two years ( F*king TWO YEARS) notice, i think that is enough to make sure you can come to the wedding.... Being asked to be a bridesmade is a big deal, and if she thinks lightly about it, I wouldnt even want her to be teh brides maid, whats the use anyway, she wont be of any help then, I would find yourself another Bridesmmaid, or not,,,what you prefer,,,the only thing matters is your hubby being there, saying yes :-)

[Kat81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Samantha S I have to bump and hijack this-- I am so sorry that there are a lot of couples losing friendships over weddings. Is it pretty common for so much drama when it comes down to weddings? The past few weeks my wedding party has blown to bits and pieces over insane, ridiculous, selfish drama. I would never have expected it. It would take me ages to explain but I have been in tears several times and FI and I wanted a carefree, non-traditional, laidback, super fun wedding. I'm walking on eggshells left and right because it seems like it always backfires on the bride and they are 'bridezilla' but I'm getting stretched to my limits. Some one said it before in this thread-- but why do people weird out about weddings!!! We have always said, we completely understand if people cannot afford to come-- don't ever feel obligated. Now my BF wants to throw me a brunch (in lieu of a shower) and I just don't want to with how crappy some of my 'friends' have been. I will say, I am over the tears and agree with the person who said 'look around on your wedding day and you'll see your friends.' AMEN!

Screw them! Really don't let it get to you. Once you get there I promise you everyone that is there will have the TIME OF THEIR LIVES! Everyone that came with us had sooo much fun they are already planning a "reunion tour" It will be so fun you will forget all the drama and the she said he said bull crap. It is so close don't let them ruin it for you sweetie. Keep your chin up and a screw off attitude and all will be well!

[KatyKo]

I am having a somewhat similar issue.

 

My MOH and one BM have already booked their travel. Check, check. Another of my BM has not acted like she even really wants to go (she has been my best friend for 10 years?), but I think she will eventually come around - she is very against getting married, but hello...its my wedding, not yours!!

 

But my last BM is my 16 year old cousin, Brittany. I asked her to be in my wedding because I love her to death and she is my only female relative (besides my sister, who is my MOH). Plus what 16 year old girl wouldn't want to be a BM??

 

Her family told me they would do whatever it took to be there, we are all very close, so I asked her to be my BM. Now her family can't afford to go. They have had a lot of issues and of course the economy sucks, so they can't come. They are saying they are going to let Brittany go, but I am really concerned that it won't happen. My parents are willing to pay for her flight, so that they can afford to send her, but I'm not sure her parents are going to be okay with a 16 year old going to the DR without them. So of course, now I feel horrible for asking her because now if she can't go, her heart will be broken!!

 

Oh well, I guess all we can do is try not to stress and just hope that it all works out. Good luck with your BM issues!!

[DanielleNDerek]

I wouldnt worry about your bm that isnt even acting like she wants to go. Although that would hurt my feeling if i was getting married. She should be excited for you.

 

I hope Brittany can go. Is there anyone she can stay with? Maybe that would help her parents be okay with it.

[Samantha S]

Thanks Kat! Believe me, I have now adopted that attitude and I cannot wait-- these trivial things could never take away from the fun, beautiful time we will have! And same goes for everyone in this thread! People can show different and unexpected sides and we just have to let some things go and know it will all turn out the way it should be.

 

KatyKo, my 15 year old niece is a BM of mine and she might have to fly from Denver to Cancun on her own and have one of us greet her. I'm totally nervous about it.

 

Kat-- I CANNOT believe your GMs showed up with black pants!!!! What stinkers!!!!

[Kat81]

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Originally Posted by Samantha S Thanks Kat! Believe me, I have now adopted that attitude and I cannot wait-- these trivial things could never take away from the fun, beautiful time we will have! And same goes for everyone in this thread! People can show different and unexpected sides and we just have to let some things go and know it will all turn out the way it should be. KatyKo, my 15 year old niece is a BM of mine and she might have to fly from Denver to Cancun on her own and have one of us greet her. I'm totally nervous about it. Kat-- I CANNOT believe your GMs showed up with black pants!!!! What stinkers!!!!

Yeah they are lucky I didn't have a gun lol