Bridesmaid Issues??

[2bebridejamaica]

Oh Honey I am sooo sorry for you!! But I also was in this same boat. I started with 4 and now .. I am down to a "maybe" 1! Everyone has backed out for random reasons and I even lost a complete friendship because of it. She snapped at me because since she decided she couldn't go that if I talked to her still about my plans.. I was being the BI**H.. Then another got into an abroad program for college even though she knew it was going to change everything. And now my last (maybe).. well she has been really hard to get a hold of .. super distant and mentioned maybe she just can't handle things right now. I understand she has alot going on.

 

Soooo needless to say... I have cried my eyes out.. been pissed at the world and even blew up at them a bit. They agreed to be with me.. and now.. I feel as if I got the short end of the stick. However in the past 2 weeks or so, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to worry about them only Jay and myself and it will all work out. It's our day and not theirs.

[Davematthews16]

I don't see ANYTHING wrong with giving her a week to make her decision and go from there. You could even make an excuse about the dresses or something. Say that they need to be ordered no later than August 6th or something and you have to know. OR you could just be completely honest and tell her that it would probably be in your both interest for her to step down so you can make your plans. Then she doesn't have to stress and you don't have to stress

[Kat81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2bebridejamaica Oh Honey I am sooo sorry for you!! But I also was in this same boat. I started with 4 and now .. I am down to a "maybe" 1! Everyone has backed out for random reasons and I even lost a complete friendship because of it. She snapped at me because since she decided she couldn't go that if I talked to her still about my plans.. I was being the BI**H.. Then another got into an abroad program for college even though she knew it was going to change everything. And now my last (maybe).. well she has been really hard to get a hold of .. super distant and mentioned maybe she just can't handle things right now. I understand she has alot going on. Soooo needless to say... I have cried my eyes out.. been pissed at the world and even blew up at them a bit. They agreed to be with me.. and now.. I feel as if I got the short end of the stick. However in the past 2 weeks or so, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to worry about them only Jay and myself and it will all work out. It's our day and not theirs.

I'll come be your bridesmaid!!
It is funny how you find out who your friends are planning a DW. I have a friend that I have never been SUPER close to even though she calls me one of her Best Friends. I have been there for her through her horrible pregnancy, I was there when her daughter was born, there for her wedding, there for the birthday parties and the fights with her husband. Ryan even got her husband a job working for him making twice what he was making before... they acted like they were coming, then all of a sudden they just don't confirm it when I asked they just changed the subject. (By the way her husband is not only making twice what he was before but just got over two thousand in bonus checks, so this is not a money issue) So, I invited her to the legal ceremony thinking they would want to go... they acted like they were going then backed out saying it was too far. (a three hour drive) I give up. I am not begging people to be there for me and I now no longer feel obligated to drive the hour to her house anymore when she needs a friend... Friendship is like any relationship, give and take..... but some people are just takers!!!! OK I am done lol

[Hartyt509]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat81 I'll come be your bridesmaid!! It is funny how you find out who your friends are planning a DW. I have a friend that I have never been SUPER close to even though she calls me one of her Best Friends. I have been there for her through her horrible pregnancy, I was there when her daughter was born, there for her wedding, there for the birthday parties and the fights with her husband. Ryan even got her husband a job working for him making twice what he was making before... they acted like they were coming, then all of a sudden they just don't confirm it when I asked they just changed the subject. (By the way her husband is not only making twice what he was before but just got over two thousand in bonus checks, so this is not a money issue) So, I invited her to the legal ceremony thinking they would want to go... they acted like they were going then backed out saying it was too far. (a three hour drive) I give up. I am not begging people to be there for me and I now no longer feel obligated to drive the hour to her house anymore when she needs a friend... Friendship is like any relationship, give and take..... but some people are just takers!!!! OK I am done lol

Want me to sort her out for you lol i'd offer but I know you would make me wear PINK!!!

[Kat81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hartyt509 Want me to sort her out for you lol i'd offer but I know you would make me wear PINK!!!

You would look glorious in pink hahahaha

[Cattie]

That so sucks. I'm sorry she's being a bitch. This is why I'm having a MOH and thats it. I do have my gay guy friend my incognito bridesmaid He's a riot and he's my MOH's roomie for the trip. My bonus is I don't have many close female friends, so it wasn't a big decision.

 

I'd give her the talk and say you have a week. I have enough stress planning this wedding and don't need anymore with your drama. You're already shelling out alot of money for the wedding and your own travel. If she can't figure out a way to spend a few bucks to be there for you, without being totally honest and has to beat around the bush, then she's not a true friend. I know if it was me, I'd beg, borrow and do what ever I had to so I could be there.

[2bebridejamaica]

Awww Kathi I LUV U!! It has been nuts and I just don't get it. This really was a learning process because I realize that all the "GF's" I did have .. well they just wanted to mooch of Jay and I for things and we gave because we could.

 

So when we talk about our <bold>FABULOUS</bold> plans because we are the bride and damn it we are allowed ... I just smile and forget about the people that can be rude and try to bring you down!!!

[Hartyt509]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat81 You would look glorious in pink hahahaha

My dad reckons that when I was about 1 yr or so,walking anyway lol, mum put me in a pink dress then put me to play and went upstairs lol

Dad said the dress was disgusting and so he was watching me and as soon as mum was out of sight the dress came off and i was trying to get the dog to pee on it lmao He didn't stop me lmfao

[futuremrsjones]

I'm so sorry your friend is being that way. I definitely had a similar situation. Get this: My best friend and MOH started acting weird and distant about anything to do with the wedding the moment I asked her to be my MOH. She wasn't happy at all and every time an event came up such as my shower and bachelorette party, she griped about money and made all the other bridesmaids feel bad about spending money. Long story short I asked her what was going on and told her that I didn't want her to spend ANY money on anything if she couldn't or didn't want to.

 

She tells me that she is reading a new book on Consumerism in America and how we need to fight against it and everything to do with my wedding is against her book. She said she is happy for my marriage but not my wedding and said she couldn't be happy for my wedding.

 

This was supposed to be my best friend. When I asked her to step down as MOH and just be a bridesmaid, she withdrew from the wedding all together and canceled her trip 2 months before the wedding which is September 20th!!

 

She also said we had gone in different directions and that we had fulfilled our purpose in each others lives. WTF!!!

 

Turns out, she is planning her own destination wedding in March 09 and she resented me for certain things I am able to have in my wedding that she can't afford. What a friend huh!!!

[Dbld78]

I am soooo sorry that you are going through this!!! A similar thing just occurred to me today... one of my closest friends and bm just told me today that she would only be in the wedding if I could promise that what happened (a huge fight) to us on a previous vacation wouldn't happen again...

 

Now I have been gathering information that others had been saying and I had the impression that she didn't want to be in the wedding anymore and that it was causing more stress in her life and she was just hanging on to not hurt my feelings. So I had a conversation with her about 3 weeks ago telling her not to feel obligated and that while I would be disappointed I wouldn't be mad if she felt like she could no longer fulfill her duties as a bm. And she insisted that it wasn't that at all.... So come to find out today that only her and her youngest daughter (our flowergirl) will be attending. That's fine it saves me about $1200 on their accommodations but I am disappointed that the whole family can't make it but I do understand...

 

I would have that same conversation with her... tell her that you DO need a cut off as to what her plans are... It seems that NO matter HOW LONG of time you give them to make their plans and save money....if it's not a priority to them then they will put it off as long as they want. It's upsetting and hurtful because these are people you consider to be close to you and you've asked them to be by your side on one the most important days of your lives and they don't seem to care....

 

Just be considerate and thoughtful in choice of words, while you are angry and hurt you don't risk another friendship over it. I think it's true what they say that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.