Grrr...the beginning of MIL drama

[ejaxon]

Hi All,

I'm hoping someone can offer some good advice re: future MIL/SIL drama. FI and I are planning an April 09 wedding at Excellence Riviera Cancun. For the ease of everything and based on all of my research on these boards, we decided we want to do a private legal ceremony before we leave. We did not plan on telling anyone b/c we knew feelings would be hurt. Plus, we see the legal ceremony as the "paperwork" component. Our symbollic ceremony will be "our wedding" and the only day that matters.

 

Well, long story short, future MIL put two and two together, did her own research, and realized we are not leaving enough time before the ceremony to establish residency, get bloodwork, etc. (We are all leaving for Mx on Sunday and the wedding is Mon) She is putting a huge guilt trip on FI about not being invited to the wedding. In addition to the guilt trip, she's passing judgement on it by calling it trashy. I'm trying not to take personal offense to that statement. I have a huge family. I don't feel its right to invite only his parents. If I open it to everyone, it becomes a spectacle, exactly what I was trying to avoid by having a DW. FSIL, in secret, told FI we should just invite FIL's and keep it a secret from my family as to appease them and not hurt my family's feelings. Are you kidding??

 

FI is totally in the middle. He doesn't want his parents there (at the legal ceremony), doesn't want to see me upset, but nothing he says to his mom seems to make a difference. She has in her head that we are getting married without her. I am trying my best to hold my tongue but it seems to get more and more difficult by the minute. I just wanna tell people to butt out! I would appreciate any and all advice. Please?!?! Thanks!

Erika

[Kelly C]

I understand where we are coming from. We decided to just have his parents and my parents and are not telling anyone else.

 

I am suprised that you only have to be there one day we have to arrive on Tues for our wedding on friday. To go over everything with the WC.

[1elephant]

sorry you're going through this....imho, he needs to put the kabosh on this asap. he needs to tell his mom that he's not getting married w/o her, he's just doing paperwork w/o her. it's not trashy, it's taking precautions to make sure that you actually ARE legally married w/o getting stuck w/ a needle in mexico, it's less of a hassle, yadda yadda. plus, he should lay the "it's what i want, don't you want me to be happy" guilt trip on her. taking care of this is his responsibility at this point - not yours until you're married. again, jmho...good luck!

[ejaxon]

I almost feel like being spiteful and standing my ground, no family at the legal ceremony. I'm in such a state I'd rather have the judge's secretary be my witness. Just to prove this legal ceremony is only for the paperwork, and it doesn't matter. After all, its the relationship that makes the marriage, not the wedding, right?

 

The wedding, as of this minute, was verbally ok'd for the Monday, with a Sunday arrival. The manager gave the ok b/c we are so far in advance and he feels we can make all arrangements thru email and fax in the meantime. Until I sign a contract, I realize they can change their mind. But I'm hoping this is a done deal. And if not, the wedding will be Tues. I'll be a little disappointed b/c the date on Monday is significant for us. But it's only date....

[1elephant]

what resort is it? if it's just a symbolic ceremony, there should be no problems.

[ejaxon]

Excellence Riviera Cancun. Supposedly, it will be the 11 AM time slot. From what I've read, they do three a day. The bright side is.....at least I'm first

[ehegwer]

From a guy's perspective:

 

He needs to step up and tell his mom the way it is.

 

'nuf said.

 

E

[Jen5372]

Stressful-I am sure. I guess mom's just wanna get all oinvolved and be over protective of their sons? IDK-he needs to say something. You can tell him to cut the cord and step UP! Im joking but sorta serious...y'know? He needs to stpe up or she will pull this crap when you have kids and it can get worse :0

 

Good luck!

[LisaG]

That stinks that you are going through this.

We invited our parents to the legal wedding. No one else. If family can't understand that, then something is wrong with them.

[*Lo*]

From what I gather, in most cities, you don't actually have to have a legal ceremony, you do not have to exchange rings or say "I do's", you just have to sign papers and have a witness. Perhaps you could try explaining that to your FIL's. That they are not missing anything, and they will be present when you have the ceremony.

 

You could say that you understand that they really want to be apart of the process, and you are sorry that they feel like they are being left out, but it's really not the case at all since there is nothing to be left out of. (Sometimes if you appeal to their concerns, it will be less offensive but still get the point across).

 

That is all I can suggest! Good luck! And remember it is YOUR wedding.

 

~Lori