Wedding party issues....Argh!!!

[shellb]

One thing you must remember, is that we can't control what others do, especially when it comes to their spending habits, you can only hope for the best. I came to realize this the hard way.

 

Your FBIL sounds so much like my brother when it comes to spending habits. We gave 2 yrs notice to everyone to save. During the past year I have seen him spend money hand over fist buying cars (already had 2) and "toys", all the while saying he'd be there. Time for deposit comes and an hour after the deadline I get an Facebook message (grrr) with a sob story about all the upcoming bills he has, it would cost too much to get a house/child/pet sitters and he just can't afford to come to our wedding. Although, I think 95% of his reason is that my sister booked and he hates her (got to love family issues), rather than money issues.

 

I came to the conclusion, our day is going to happen regardless, the way we want and those who want to be there will try their best to do so. My advice is to hold off on the bridesmaid dress for little, set a cut off date for the FBIL, if he hasn't booked that date then he's not going to be part of the wedding party, let him know, and if he does book by then your mom has the time she needs to make the dress. Otherwise you are going to have so much more stress than you really need.

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shellb One thing you must remember, is that we can't control what others do, especially when it comes to their spending habits, you can only hope for the best. I came to realize this the hard way. Your FBIL sounds so much like my brother when it comes to spending habits. We gave 2 yrs notice to everyone to save. During the past year I have seen him spend money hand over fist buying cars (already had 2) and "toys", all the while saying he'd be there. Time for deposit comes and an hour after the deadline I get an Facebook message (grrr) with a sob story about all the upcoming bills he has, it would cost too musch to get a house/child/pet sitters and he just can't afford to come to our wedding. Although, I think 95% of his reason is that my sister booked and he hates her (got to love family issues), rather than money issues. I came to the conclusion, our day is going to happen regardless, the way we want and those who want to be there will try their best to do so. My advice is to hold off on the bridesmaid dress for little, set a cut off date for the FBIL, if he hasn't booked that date then he's not going to be part of the wedding party, let him know, and if he does book by then your mom has the time she needs to make the dress. Otherwise you are going to have so much more stress than you really need.

Very well said. One of my best friends and BM for my wedding bailed on me very last minute. She already had her deposit paid and the dress paid for, and bailed when it came time to pay the final amount. I offered to pay for all of her trip but $400 and she had already paid $100, so she only had to come up with $300 and she had a year to save for it. I watched her spend money on stupid things, etc. but I really wanted her there so was willing to push our budget to get her there. Turns out she could not even come up with $400 in one year to be at her best friends wedding. So, I finally said screw it, its too much stress for me and more money and she does not seem to be trying hard enough, so I decided to let it go. I was so happy once I did, I felt better about everything and I hate to say it, but I did not notice on my wedding day that she was not there. I was so busy with the wedding and being in love with my husband and happy, that I didn't think about her.

Do not worry if you have more people on your side or vice versa, it does not matter and no one will even bat an eyelash over it, its a DW, there are no rules, it is what you make it. One of my friends had 1 BM show and her DH had no GM's show, but they got married anyway and it worked out great. So do not stress about it, if he books, great, if not, oh well his loss. Only have your mom make 2 dresses and just use your 2 BM's if FSIL books later, and there is enough time to make her a dress, then great, if not, the she misses out, its really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, you are marrying the love of your life, that is the only thing that matters.

[Celina]

Okay E - this is my take...

 

I think that FI should tell him that he needs to know if he's going or not. Tell him if he is going he has by _________ day to get his deposit in because the entire amount has to be paid off by ____________day.

 

He should also tell bro that if he ISN'T going that he needs to let him know as well and that there won't be any hard feelings, just that he needs to know and he still wants him involved somehow.

 

If he says he is going and you still feel leery, have FI talk to one of his groomsmen and tell them the deal with his bro and ask one of the other groomsmen if they would mind stepping up as the best man if his bro doesn't show.

 

If you are worried about having too many girls and not enough guys, just have one guy walk down with two girls on his arm.

[Kristy!]

Not to be mean, but I think the one thing brides often forget is that the world doesn't stop for our weddings. It's not as important to everyone else. We want it to be, but it's not.

 

If I was is your situation, I would just let FI handle it. Don't worry so much about even numbers. I've been to more weddings with uneven numbers than even numbers and it looks just as good. Also, how does the one girl feel about being "on-deck"? If you want her standing up with you, then have her stand up with you regardless of what FBIL does. If not, then don't. I think you're letting a tiny detail (even numbers) stress you out too much.

[EricaG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristy! Not to be mean, but I think the one thing brides often forget is that the world doesn't stop for our weddings. It's not as important to everyone else. We want it to be, but it's not. If I was is your situation, I would just let FI handle it. Don't worry so much about even numbers. I've been to more weddings with uneven numbers than even numbers and it looks just as good. Also, how does the one girl feel about being "on-deck"? If you want her standing up with you, then have her stand up with you regardless of what FBIL does. If not, then don't. I think you're letting a tiny detail (even numbers) stress you out too much.

I'm not really stressing about it too much, because if he doesn't end up coming, that is his problem, but it would be nice to know if he is going to be part of our wedding. He committed to being in the party, but hasn't commited to the trip, and with a DW, you can't be in the party without going on the trip.
As for FSIL being 'on-deck', she is fine with it. When I was telling her that I might ask someone else since 2 of my BM had to back out, she told me she would do it. Before I asked her, I already explained that it depended on the 2 other GM (one being her FI) booking. She totally understands and honestly, having an odd number doesn't bother me, but if that is the case, we can have the 2 girls and 1 guy. I don't want to making the wedding party bigger unless we have too.


Well, a couple days ago the TA called to let us know that the flight down only had 2 seats left. I told FI to get a in touch with a few people from his side that said they were coming and let them know, but he didn't. He finally talked to his bro who is supposed to be in the wedding, but I guess he didn't seem to worried about it.

There is one other option now to go. One other company that has packages down to the Dominican and to our resort has just opened up trips in Nov. Until just recently, they weren't going down until Dec, which was too late. If they take this option, they will leave 2 days before us, and will stay in a different section of the resort, but that doesn't really matter. Thankfully this option has just opened up for the scragglers, but yet, it would have been nice to finally have the final numbers on who was going. I am not feeling bad for anyone that has to miss out, and like it was mentioned, I don't think on the actual day, we will even notice who is and isn't there.

[Yari]

I really feel your frustration. It sucks that this is happening.

 

I love what Jamy said, how people that are at your DW are the one's that were meant to be there.

 

I totally agree with her.

 

I am frustrated right now with certain people not RSVP'ing etc. I mean seriously if you can't go, then just fill out the no section on the card and mail it back in. No harm no foul.

 

I have decided that if people do not get in their RSVP's in by the deadline I am going to close the RSVP'ing and tell people sorry our wedding is full and we can no longer take anymore RSVP's.

[EricaG]

I like that idea. Part of me was glad to find out that there were no more seats, since that way I would have at least had a final number of who's going. Oh well, there are a couple people that haven't booked that want to come, but are waiting to see if they can get work off to go. They are co-workers and it is really iffy if the one LPN can come and the unit clerk that is going to come with her is just waiting for her to book. Others are just too lazy and not making an effort. Arrgghhhh!