Wedding party issues....Argh!!!

[EricaG]

So I when we got engaged, I asked my BF to be my MOH and my sister to be a BM, both which have booked. I also asked 2 of my cousins which I knew there was a chance that one or both of them may not make it. Since we knew there was a chance I wouldn't have 4 girls standing up for me, FI only asked 3 guys, his BF, his oldest brother, and a friend from work. So far only FI BF has booked, and the friend from work is planning to book next week on payday. Well, recently it has been confirmed that neither one of my cousins will be making it, so now I am down to 2 girls. FI brother who is in the wedding is engaged and I have talked to her about standing up for me if both guys get thier deposits in to book soon. My Mom just went out as bought all the material to make 3 dresses so that if we need the 3rd dress, we have the material.

 

Here is the issue that I am having. We told everyone back in Oct to start saving their $ to go, and FBIL has yet to pay his deposit. I mentioned it before to him and he said he didn't have $ yet, and thatn he could probably get it cheaper if he waits. I talked to his FI last week and told her that if he didn't book soon, he was going to be out of the wedding party, because we need to know who is in and who is not. I talked to him tonight and asked him when he was going to pay his deposit and he said he didn't have $. I told him he better hurry up because the plane is almost booked, and he told me "there are other flights down there." I told him there weren't and he told me "oh, I'm sure there are". It went back and forth and finally I said "Okay Mr world traveller. Trust me when I say that there is only one flight a week that goes down there. In Dec another company starts their trips down there, but that is too late." That shut him up! So I am think I will tell him that if he doesn't book by the end of the month, he is still more than welcome to come to the wedding, but he won't be in the wedding party. I am also going to tell him that if he wants to stay elsewhere because it is cheaper, he will be responsible for the cost of the day passes to come to our resort!!!!

 

Do you think I am being to Bridezilla on him? Oh yeah, he also plans on bringing his 3 girls too!!!! How he can afford that when he can't even afford to pay his deposit of $250 I don't know!

[starchild]

Boy, these stories never get old! It seems most of us go through this kind of situation.

 

I don't know that you're being too harsh...you are in a unique position where there is only 1 flight a week, right? Much different from my case where there were several flights a day so I let my wedding party lag. In the end some didn't make it for various reasons but there were still flights available days before the wedding...one of my guests booked one the same day she left!

 

My optimistic side says he'll make it by the skin of his teeth.

 

My jaded side says he's not coming. He means well and probably has convinced himself that he and his 3 girls will make it, but they won't. Plan on him not being there and if he miraculously pops up then look for flying pigs. LOL sorry but I've sooooo been through this and bottomline people will always disappoint!

[DanielleNDerek]

I think he's an idiot for not putting his deposit down but I'm sure your fi really wants him in the wedding party. It is his brother. Maybe you should ask your fi how he feels, if he wants to wait a little longer or kick him out of the wedding party.

 

I just know if my sis didn't book yet that i would want to at least give her the benefit of the doubt and hold out a little longer because it's really important for her to be my moh. KWIM?

[EricaG]

Starchild - I am really starting to think that if he does come, there will be pigs in the air, and I will definately be looking for them. LMAO

 

Danielle - FI tried telling him to book once and he had some comment about getting it cheaper or something or that there was lots of time, so FI told him if he didn't want to come, then just to say so!

 

Yesterday I told FI to let his brother know he has till the end of the month if he wants to be in the party, and he didn't want to talk to him, but told me too. FI is the baby of the family and sometimes has a hard time standing up for himself with family. If he does stand up for himself, then it is usually a big blow up between the family member and him.

[Hartyt509]

Just tell him no more pissing about - if he doesn't pay deposit by the end of the month he's out lol if FI won't stand up then someone has to do it

[dragonfly]

I am going to go against the grain her, as I usually do when it comes to these situations. How important is it to your brother that if his brother can make it he stands up with him? If it is important then let it be, if he makes it great if he doesn't then adjustments can be made closer to the ceremony for his absences. You have to ask yourself will it dampen your fh day if his brother is at the ceremony, because he has figured out how to get there, but he is now just a guest I know that would upset me. Is it really worth your fh being upset about anything on the most important event in his life just so you have peace of mind 4 months before the wedding of how your wedding party will look? I think the important thing is our feelings for people, and not the picture perfect effect that so many of us envision, 20 years from now are we going to remember that we were highly organized in the preparation for our big day, or that we got married with the people who are most important to us surrounding us. I think you should just relax and let your fh hold on to the hope of his brother being an intregal part of your beautiful day. If it happens wonderful, if not what is truly the harm.

[Davematthews16]

First of all NO, you aren't being bridezilla about this at all. It's sooooo damn annoying having to hassle people so much. Can you imagine what it would be like to always have other people waiting on you and making sure you got your stuff taken care of? I would feel so bad holding up someone's wedding plans because I can't make a decision. Anyway, not everyone thinks that way and I think it's perfectly fair to give him to the end of the month to "show you the money." I wouldn't bring it up to him again. You made it very clear last night and if the 31st rolls around and you don't see the $250.00 then ON WITH YOUR PLANS I say I think it's also humorous that people insist they know there will be flights going in and out all the time. It's the same thing in Denver, there's only 1 flight and we're all on it. My sis' boyfriend is pulling the sime kind of thing, (except he's not in the wedding party) Come on people, get your together!

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly I think you should just relax and let your fh hold on to the hope of his brother being an intregal part of your beautiful day. If it happens wonderful, if not what is truly the harm.

Kelly, I definitely hear what you are saying, but I think the harm is that he may be disappointed if he is hoping to see his bro there and he isn't. The wedding will still be perfect and I too am a firm believer in the fact that whoever ends up being there is who is supposed to be there. I agree if it happens, wonderful, but thinking it won't makes for a surprise if they do...thinking it will makes for a huge let-down if they don't.

I just know from my experience that you sort of have to think about it that way. The night before I left for my wedding my cousin told me that she and her two kids would be there (and they were in the wedding, programs printed, the whole deal). I get to Mexico and they never showed up. If I believed her all along I would have been genuinely hurt and I would have missed them that day.

Instead it was more of an "oh well, that's what I thought" moment the day before and I didn't think about any of them on the wedding day because I was too busy having fun with the people who were there

[dragonfly]

I hear ya Jamy, but you know me, people I, and Everton, love first above all else. I am not saying wait to find out if he shows up on that day, I'm just saying wait a little longer, thats all. So many weddings result in hurt feelings and broken relationships and I just find it so sad. I just think she should let her fh decide how he wants to handle it, because it is really about him and his brother, ultimatiums are never a good thing, and it sounds as though her fh is having a difficult time giving his brother one. But hey what the hell do I know, because I don't know the strength of the relationships of these people to one another. I just really think the bottom line is respecting what the person who's family member is the one causing the problem wants. I may not like the decisions E makes in regards to his family (like mailing his aunt a $100.00 wedding gift, lol) but they are the people he loves and at the end of the day he must feel good about his choices in regards to them, not me. I was just trying to give another perspective, one maybe that hadn't been considered:) As always Jamy a pleasure examining with you the different perspectives and approaches to the various dilemmas life throws our way xoxoxox

[EricaG]

I do appreciate everyones thoughts on this. It is nice to see different points of view, and I totally understand them. The biggest problem I have with him not paying his deposit yet is that he was told back in Oct to start saving, and he hasn't. Not only has he not done any saving, he has gone on 3 trips this year, all which we were expected to watch his 3 girls, bought a boat, a riding lawn mower and has money to go to the VLT's. I have talked to FI and if his brother isn't in the wedding party, he won't be heart broken, and he already told him that he better get the deposit in, and then told him if doesn't want to go, then he should just say so! He can't afford $250 right now for just his deposit, but he plans to have about $7000 paid off by the end of Sept?

 

My Mom is making the bridesmaid dresses, and if both him and FI other friend book and are in the wedding party, then FBIL's FI will stand up for me as well to even it out. I don't want my Mom to sew a dress it isn't going to be needed, and I don't want her to have to rush and get one done right before we leave. He was asked in Oct to be in the wedding and was told to save his $, and when we booked in March, he was told about it right away and was told to pay the deposit. The way I see it, how can you commit to a wedding if you can't commit to the trip involved with the wedding?

 

FBIL gets paid on the 17th and the 31st, so I would think that he should at least be able to pay his deposit, and he can worry about the girls deposits once he knows if they can come too.