Marriage before children?

[Jen_S]

I am now much more careful taking the pill we really want to start afer the wedding but if it happened now we would still be happy just may alter our plans.

[Wishes]

This is an interesting thread! I know what you mean about being more "old fashioned." We were just like that, but it wouldn't have been a big deal if we got pregnant before our wedding. We were together for 10 years before getting hitched! Ain't nothing old fashioned about that! LOL!

 

In hindsight though, we would have been married before finishing university (or shortly after) and started having kids ASAP. Unfortunately, not everyone can get pregnant on the honeymoon or even in the first few years of trying. I know plenty of women who wished they would have been married sooner, or at least started trying for a baby before their wedding 'cause of problems (explained or unexplained) fertility issues.

[Jacilynda]

We were engaged and slowing planning things when I got pregnant, and I was on the pill and we were using protection.... so it was quite the shock! We just put the wedding to the side and worked on prepping for baby. Now she's 7 weeks old and being a mother is absolutely amazing. I originally always wanted to be married before having children, but i wouldn't have it any other way now... she's the best thing in our lives

[EricaG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacilynda We were engaged and slowing planning things when I got pregnant, and I was on the pill and we were using protection.... so it was quite the shock! We just put the wedding to the side and worked on prepping for baby. Now she's 7 weeks old and being a mother is absolutely amazing. I originally always wanted to be married before having children, but i wouldn't have it any other way now... she's the best thing in our lives

I totally understand and couldn't say anything different. I was hoping to wait until I was married before having kids, but while I was on the pill and in university, I got pregnant. At first I was not 'excited' but once we got everything figured out of how I could finish school and have the baby, I started getting attached to the child growing in me. After having my daughter, I went back and finished the last 10 weeks of school so it would be over and done with. Although it was a huge stressor for school, I can honestly say that I have never had a better 'oops' in my life. If I could go back and change it, would I? Nope. There is no way to know those feelings for a child until you have your own child in your arms!

For all of you that have children, you understand this. For those of you that are waiting until after the wedding to start having babies, you will one day know this feeling and understand. To those who are trying to conceive, I hope you are able to experience this feeling very soon. To those of you that are expecting already, it won't be much longer, and you will feel the greatest joy in life, the heaviest love in your heart ever, and you will never forget it or want to let it go!

As you can tell, I LOVE being a Mom and would never trade it for anything. We still want one more baby but are waiting until after the wedding. With my last pregnancy my pelvis separated and I was off work by 6 months, and I was using a 4-wheeled walker by 7 months. The last 2 months I was in extreme pain and had to go to the hospital a few times because of it, and it also put me into early labour that was stopped after I was transferred 2hours away to another hospital. After all this I am prepared to have another baby, even knowing that it could be even more painful next time. Why? Because it is soooooo worth it in the end!!!!

(By the way, I am not trying to convince anyone to start having babies before they are ready, rather I am just writing this to share with everyone the unbelievable feelings that babies bring with them into your life. When the time is right, the time is right. Obviously for some of us, we didn't realize that the time was right yet, and nature took over for us! LOL)

[EricaG]

Whoa! Sorry for the long post above! I guess I am a bit more tired than I thought, as I tend to rattle on and on then. Okay, I am going to bed now!

[vale]

ethrondson, the post wasn't too long at all, I know exactly how you feel, my sentiments entirely. My first two weren't planned and as I always say, they were the best 'mistakes' i've ever made. My third was planned and she's absolutely gorgeous too.

[KarmaB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ethrondson I totally understand and couldn't say anything different. I was hoping to wait until I was married before having kids, but while I was on the pill and in university, I got pregnant. At first I was not 'excited' but once we got everything figured out of how I could finish school and have the baby, I started getting attached to the child growing in me. After having my daughter, I went back and finished the last 10 weeks of school so it would be over and done with. Although it was a huge stressor for school, I can honestly say that I have never had a better 'oops' in my life. If I could go back and change it, would I? Nope. There is no way to know those feelings for a child until you have your own child in your arms! For all of you that have children, you understand this. For those of you that are waiting until after the wedding to start having babies, you will one day know this feeling and understand. To those who are trying to conceive, I hope you are able to experience this feeling very soon. To those of you that are expecting already, it won't be much longer, and you will feel the greatest joy in life, the heaviest love in your heart ever, and you will never forget it or want to let it go! As you can tell, I LOVE being a Mom and would never trade it for anything. We still want one more baby but are waiting until after the wedding. With my last pregnancy my pelvis separated and I was off work by 6 months, and I was using a 4-wheeled walker by 7 months. The last 2 months I was in extreme pain and had to go to the hospital a few times because of it, and it also put me into early labour that was stopped after I was transferred 2hours away to another hospital. After all this I am prepared to have another baby, even knowing that it could be even more painful next time. Why? Because it is soooooo worth it in the end!!!! (By the way, I am not trying to convince anyone to start having babies before they are ready, rather I am just writing this to share with everyone the unbelievable feelings that babies bring with them into your life. When the time is right, the time is right. Obviously for some of us, we didn't realize that the time was right yet, and nature took over for us! LOL)

No, it was not too long at all.

I can totally understand where it all came from. Naturally as mothers I think we feel the need to defend our choice in having children before marriage, but to be honest you said it perfectly when you said that nature took over for us and choose the right time for us.

[CJEB]

I love all the responses.

 

I orignally wrote this question because I've always known I wanted children - we would have started earlier under the right circumstances (or happy accident).

 

The time is now right - but then came this strong urge to marry. I just didn't know where it came from

[Yvette]

call me old fashion but i have always wanted to wait until marriage before starting a family. i don't know, it's always been a rinning joke between myself & FI, if we are going to do anything right that would be it. but christine is right, if it did happen it wouldn't be the end of the world and i know everyone would be so delighted! heck, we have gotten more pressure to start having grandkids over getting married.

[Carolyn]

I agree. I have never been so scared about being pergant before the wedding. I will be getting off the pill this February and I'm so scared that I may hit a bump in the road. I know that I have had so many friends that couldn't get pergant so I must thing of it as Gods will and be grateful of this miracle.