Ready to kill the MOH

[nikkianddean]

Okay, so my MOH She and her bf have been throwing around the idea getting married since they have been dating for almost 2 years now. They got engaged this weekend and I went to meet her to check out the ring and everything else and this is what she tells me:

 

1. They are planning to get married this year (isn't it an unwritten law that when you are someone's MOH you don't plan your wedding before theirs?)

 

2. The two weekends they are considering are October 25th (my 30th birthday weekend) or November 8th, but it depends on the reception venues

 

3. Originally they were going to have a quickie wedding b/c of pressure from their family, but she revealed this afternoon that this has nothing to do with family issues, they just want to get married ASAP.

 

I tried my best to stay happy for her because I did not want to take away from the excitement of her engagement. I just found it all very inconsiderate. She has never been an MOH, but this stuff seems like commmon sense.

 

Or is it me turning into....BRIDEZILLA

[Yari]

Well to be honest, I think you are overacting just a tad.

 

I don't think there is an unwritten law that she can't get married before you, unless it's in the same month. Her wedding is not in the same year or month as yours, so that is good.

 

I can understand feeling like she is taking away from your thunder, but she is probably super excited about her engagement and thinking about herself. (Which all brides should be doing.)

 

I hope I don't come across as being harsh. I just wanted to voice my opinion.

 

I would embrace it and help her with plans too. It could be fun!

[Maura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari Well to be honest, I think you are overacting just a tad. I don't think there is an unwritten law that she can't get married before you, unless it's in the same month. Her wedding is not in the same year or month as yours, so that is good. I can understand feeling like she is taking away from your thunder, but she is probably super excited about her engagement and thinking about herself. (Which all brides should be doing.) I hope I don't come across as being harsh. I just wanted to voice my opinion. I would embrace it and help her with plans too. It could be fun!

I have to totally agree with everything yari said. she's getting married several months before you, and so long as shes not planning a DW, i think theres nothing really wrong with that. i think it will be an opportunity for you two to really bond and for her to understand what its like to plan a wedding. i think then, she may be more understanding and supporting in YOUR planning process because shes going through the same thing.

[kevsgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikkianddean 1. They are planning to get married this year (isn't it an unwritten law that when you are someone's MOH you don't plan your wedding before theirs? 2. The two weekends they are considering are October 25th (my 30th birthday weekend) or November 8th, but it depends on the reception venues.

Ouch.

I feel your pain.

But I also understand why sometimes people are in a rush to get married and just can't wait for everyone else's lives to start their own.

Maybe she feels that she has to do it quickly, because if she doesn't do it in the earlier fall, then it's too close to your wedding and then if she has to skirt around your wedding she'd be looking at getting married in summer 2009.
If it were me, I could NEVER wait that long.

It kind of happened that way for us. FI's brother and gf got engaged way before us and their wedding is October 25th. We got engaged March 1 and our wedding is December 12. We could have gotten married rightaway in the summer or in the new year or waited til summer in Ottawa (there was no way i could do it in the winter here)...

So maybe it's a timing thing for her?

Hopefully this won't make her completely unhelpful to you. Hopefully you two can work together on your wedding plans. Maybe it'll be fun?

Good luck!

[nikkianddean]

I don't feel like she is taking away my "thunder" at all. I am really happy for her and I totally understand being excited to start your life with your one true love. It just seems inconsiderate to me is all...

 

I am looking forward to helping her with planning everything. We've already got plans to go looking for dresses, BM dresses, venues, the whole nine yards. I'm not going to make an issue of it, but I still think it's inconsiderate. Put it like this: I would never do it to her or anyone i considered a close friend.

[melody]

I don't think it's inconsiderate at all..

 

I am sorry to be so blunt but I think sometimes brides make plans so far in advance and expect everyone around them to put their lives on hold until their big event.

 

Your wedding is not until february next year, a lot of things could happen before that and I can totally understand why she does not want to wait to get married if she wants to.

[Dbld78]

I had the same thing happen to me, except my friend wanted to get married days before us... But it didn't work out for her....HA!!!!! (to her)

 

I know it sucks and but you'll get over it in due time. I think it might be the fact that she's planning to have a wedding before yours that might be what's upsetting you...(I don't know for sure...just going by what I've read). It is in a way stealing your thunder... but your feelings will subside in time. I feel your pain though and it is a hard thing to explain but everything will be fine and come January you'll laugh that you even felt this way at all.

[nikkianddean]

I thought this one through and I am glad that I had a chance to vent here. I think my frustration with her is that this is not the first time she has done something like this before. The most recent occurance was my birthday. she asked me to change the date i celebrated it on last year and then after I changed it she still didn't come.

 

In the grand scheme of things her wedding in October/November is not going to interfere with my wedding in February at all (crossing my fingers - hopefully she does not decide to honeymoon in February). Maybe there is no MOH wedding planning ettiquette. Maybe I made that up in my head And maybe I should be more thoughtful about her chosing my birthday weekend as a possible date for her wedding. She is working on a very tight deadline to get married before the year is up. and who am i to stand in the way of love

 

ok, getting off my soapbox for the night...

[happyone]

I understand where you are coming from and I can imagine feeling a little bummed if that was my maid of honor but I would eventually suck it up and be happy for her. There is nothing to do but be happy for her. Being annoyed with her isn't going to help either of you plan your weddings. I think it is normal to feel the way you do for a little while....a little while

 

After my shower this weekend (long story) I realize that aside from my fiance and our parents, this wedding is not the most salient event in anyone else's lives. I really realized that my FI is my true best friend, the one who shares equal excitement for the happenings in our lives.

[happyone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikkianddean I thought this one through and I am glad that I had a chance to vent here. I think my frustration with her is that this is not the first time she has done something like this before. The most recent occurance was my birthday. she asked me to change the date i celebrated it on last year and then after I changed it she still didn't come. In the grand scheme of things her wedding in October/November is not going to interfere with my wedding in February at all (crossing my fingers - hopefully she does not decide to honeymoon in February). Maybe there is no MOH wedding planning ettiquette. Maybe I made that up in my head And maybe I should be more thoughtful about her chosing my birthday weekend as a possible date for her wedding. She is working on a very tight deadline to get married before the year is up. and who am i to stand in the way of love ok, getting off my soapbox for the night...

I have the worst maid of honor in the world. Really, the worst! I tell her too. Nevertheless, she has been my closest friend for 26 years and I knew she would be a terrible when I chose her and I have to live with that. It's funny how we suddenly think our friends are going to shape up for our weddings. Haha, yeah right, the obnoxious traits are suddenly intensified.