Need Advice....BADLY

[trisha0612]

Alright so I'm sure you girls are tired of me being in a constant state of crisis, but seriously, when it rains, it pours! THIS HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A YEAR!

So let me start back in March so you girls truly understand what's going on here.....FI's father came to visit for 5 days and ended up staying 2 weeks which then overlapped my parents 3 week visit..all here in my TINY, NO STORAGE, 3 bedroom house...4 days later, my 38 yr. old brothers wife kicked him out..oh yes and he has 2 kids which he gets every other weekend, and they are 9 and 11, and one of them has ADHD...BAD. okay...so it's 3 weeks into this, oh yeah..and he lost his job......so....here we are....

FI and I are fighting constantly because there is no privacy in this house, and TOO many people...he has had like 2 interviews, and who knows if it's going anywhere..

he doesn't do anything with the kids when they are here...and i feel like its a daycare on the weekends...now here's the kicker...starting next monday the 26th...he has the kids for 2 weeks...I feel like it could cause a HUGE problem with not only FI and i, but my brother and I as well....

But he IS my brother and needs help..he didn't mess up, but just got dealt a shity hand....AHHHH what do I do?

[Maura]

oh dear, trisha. i know that you want to help your brother because he's family....but if it's causing too many problems and you and Travis can't live like that anymore, he really has to get out and go somewhere else with his kids. is there anywhere else he can go? have you talked to your brother about the issues happening in your house because he's there and the kids are driving you guys nuts?

[trisha0612]

I've kind of tried...but there really isn't anywhere else he could go...it's just him and I out here from my family...and when I first moved out here he let me stay in house for like 8 months..but then again at the time, it was just him living there, in a big house....not anything like this....

I did try to talk about the whole 2 week thing, but he didn't seem too concerned....it's like..I'm the youngest of the family, why do I have to take care of everyone else??

[jamisoncollette]

First, give the kid with ADHD coffee. The coffee will slow him down and is perfectly legal.

Let me think about the rest.

[Dez921714]

Wow! I have no idea what to tell you. I understand 100% how you feel. I had a similar situation last year, but with a friend (not a sibling). It was really stressful, so I can imagine how you feel.

 

Sorry I'm not much help, you're sort of between a rock and a hard place. I'll keep thinking and let you know if I come up with anything.

 

HANG IN THERE!

[Sandra E.]

Wow! You've got your hands full, you definitely need to sit down with him and ask him how the job hunting is going and what you can do to help him get on his feet quickly. You will also need to tell him about his kids and how you and your FI need time to yourselves. It's hard, but it's the only way.

[Chiquita]

Trisha that really sucks. Sorry I don't have any really good advice for you. I would just explain to your brother that it's going to be really stressful having him and the kids there and he needs to have some sort of plan.

[Kat81]

What does your Fi think? Is he mad about it or are you just worried it will be too much for him? Or is it too much for you? Maybe you guys can get away for the weekend. I know it's your house and you shouldn't have to leave to get peace but if he is staying and there is nowhere to go you have to work with what you got. I know I am not much help. SIGH sorry I know this is a lot of stress on top of wedding planning. Just hang in there and keep motivating your brother. He is probably super depressed and lost right now.

[Saraha]

Oh no trish, I can see why its pouring right now. Have you tried just sitting down with him and being completely honest with him and basically telling him what you just told us. I know he is your brother and you only want what is best for him but he also has to realize what it is doing to your relationship with your FI.

[TammyWright]

hi trish,

 

wow, your plate is full right now...you are a great sister but if this is causing an issue with you and travis you may need to set some boundaries with your brother...maybe the nights he has the kids, can he get a hotel room or go on a trip.

 

why would his wife kick him out and make him couch surf at your house and make the kids spend the night knowing you do not have the space?