Long MOH vent

[stacey]

Ok lady's I need some serious advise on my MOH. We have been freinds for many years and was super excited for her to be my MOH. She was equally excited (for a while) She lives two and a half hours away so we dont get to see eachother a whole lot, but had done lots of talking on the phone and talked about lots of ideas back and forth for the wedding.

 

When my FI and I announced that we were going to have a destination wedding she was a little upset. We gave are bridal party the option to opt out, because ....... we get, not everyone has the $. But she said that she would go.

 

Then.... she dropped off the face of the planet and stopped returning my calls. She went through a hard time, her dog got super sick and her loser boyfreind lost his job and money was tight. She finally called me back after like 3.5 weeks of not returning my call. And she said that she didnt think that she could make it. I was a little upset and said I wish you hadnt avoided me and just told and we would work it out. Then I said it really important to me that your there and I will figure out a way. I talked to my dad and he said he would pay for her whole trip!! She said she couldnt take that and she would call me back. So a week later she called left me a voice mail and said she had the money and booked her trip.

 

We talked again about a week ago and I was talking about brides maids dresses, and she said "oh... I thought since you were doing a destination wedding we wouldnt have to do that" And I was like well..... If you would answer your damn phone we wouldnt have this problem.

 

So now she angry about "whatever", she keeps saying that nothing is wrong. and now is not interested in talking about the wedding, or helping out, or talking about dresses etc...... Im SUPER bummed about this. I want to call her and tell her to forget about and not come if this is how it is going to be.

 

I need some advise.

 

Sorry for the long vent, I'm just not sure what to do.

[Virg]

Wow!

My MOH lives 10 hours away so I know that communicating over the phone is not the easiest. Her and I agreed early on that I would be picking the color of the bridesmaid dresses, and as long as she respected that, I would have no problem with whatever she wore. She also has great taste.

Perhaps you could agree to the same type of arrangement.

 

Or perhaps, if money is really tight, you could buy her the dress as a gift.

 

I would offer some sort of compromise, just so that you have a stress free wedding and keep your friendship in tact.

 

Hope this helps!

[stacey]

So thats the thing, I have offered and I am more than willing to buy the dress but its the fact that she just isnt in to it, or totally doesnt give a shit, I dont know

[Virg]

I am so sorry. I am not one for strict etiquette, so my next question would be, can you demote her? Is there someone else that has ben helping you more, and is pumped for your wedding? If your current MOH does end up going, you could ask her to do a reading, or a speach and be the legal witness....

 

And most of all, don't let her ruin your day!

[becks]

It sounds like she's not in a good place. Chances are it has absolutely nothing to do with you - it's the boyfriend, the dog, she hates her job, her neighbor is pissing her off, her mom is complaining that she doesn't see her... whatever. You and the wedding just are another little thing that she knows she ought to be paying attention to and she simply doesn't have the energy.

 

So, don't get mad. The reality is that right now, for you, the single most important thing on the face of the planet is the wedding. But that doesn't mean anyone else sees it that way.

 

So, take the higher road. Stop and tell her that you love her, that you get that chaos is abundant and invite her out for a non-wedding, non-reality day. Have brunch, people watch, laugh at what the 14-year olds are wearing. She probably needs someone in her life to just support her right now. The same way you want her to support you.

 

And she'll get it. And she'll come around and you can pick out dresses and have a wonderful time and be back to the way things were.

 

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[Hartyt509]

All I can say is join the club - they are a PITA

 

Just leave her alone and let her wallow she'll come to you - trust me I'm the same position

[stacey]

Thanks ladys. I called her last night to talk about "stuff" mainly to ask her if she needs to drop out of the wedding. But guess what... she didnt return my phone call. UGHHhh. Oh well I will just have to let it go for now.

[Yari]

I love Becks advice! She is definitely not in a right place. I would continue to reach out to her.

[lucy106]

That was VERY nice of your dad. I guess I dont understand what she expected, I mean just because it is a DW doesnt mean you dont have a bridal party. I would just let her be and see what happens in the next few months. Did your dad get travel insurance so it can be cancelled if need be? Would you still want her to attend as a guest?

[stacey]

So we did not end up paying for her. She all of a sudden had the money. (funny how that works) I basically would just like to demote her. but I am sure that, that would go over like a fart in church