Another "friend" vent..

[Bride010101]

I'm beginning to realize my high school friends suck.

 

My best friend through high school, my college roommate for 2 years, my number 1 confident, and my MoH... just texted me saying - we need to talk... I don't think I am going to be able to come to your wedding.

 

Seriously WTF?

 

She cites finanical reasons... which normally I am willing to accept, as my group of friends is young and just getting started in life. I knew from the beginning that most would not be able to come. But her!

 

First off, she has had this spot "called" for the past 7 years. Second off, from the moment we announced the engagement I told her the expected cost and that I understood if she wouldn't be able to come. She said, not a problem, she wouldn't miss it for the world. (Not to mention she still lives with mommy and daddy who have paid for all her schooling and last I knew still paid for her credit cards... and now that she has a real job one would think she could budget this in over the year since her other living expenses are practically nil). Third, when my other "best friend" from highschool bailed on being a BM not even a month ago she was in disbelief and didn't understand why sucky ex-BM couldn't budget accordingly and would accept the position only to cancel.

 

 

AHHHHHH.... I just don't get it! On the bright side its still 8 months away from the wedding and their is no trip deposits down or anything. But still don't get why it took 6 months to come to this conclusion, especially when just 3 weeks ago she was gung ho and had no issues paying in full for her BM dress.

 

Sorry vent over : )

[Yari]

Oh no, I wonder what made her make this decision. Have you talked to her in person yet?

[Bride010101]

No I haven't talked to her in person yet. I was too upset/frustrated when it first happened ... plus I was in the middle of studying for finals so not really my top priority. I told her I would call towards the end of the week once finals were over and I could focus on the situation.

 

In my response I asked if anythign was wrong or if something had happened. And she said no, just finanically she didn't think she could do it. That she has to pay for testing supplies (for her CPA or something - trying to become an accountant). Which yes are expensive, but is something she has known about for the past year. Plus I believe, once she passes the place she is going to work for will reimburse her for them, and more than likely her parents will pay for them up front.

 

So I don't know. Maybe there is more to the story that she isn't telling me. But it would be weird for her not to be upfront about it - normally she is such a blunt/open person. She had no issues on the day of BM dress ordering showing off her new coach purse and talk about how she was already saving for a more expensive one. So I really didn't think finanically it would be a problem.

[Yari]

I think something is up...definitely talk to her in person. I would try and get to the bottom of it and find out what the real reason is.

[alex]

I agree with Yari - sounds like something is definately up!! It's really weird that she's not being upfront though if she's usually so honest. Maybe give it a few days to cool off & then meet up with her to talk. Might be hard to wait a few days, but it might be easier for the both of you to talk then...

[jajajaja]

Is she also the type of person that freaks out about stuff then later calms down and rationalizes? I have a few friends that do the "I can't afford it" stuff too when some type of money crisis comes up, but later they are able to see that it wasn't as horrendous to their budget as they first thought.

 

Also, since her parents pay for everything, she might not be very good at the budget concept. I will tell you that at 22 my parents paid for a LOT. I didn't learn the lesson of financial responsibility until many years later.

[Bride010101]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LC_Rachel Is she also the type of person that freaks out about stuff then later calms down and rationalizes? I have a few friends that do the "I can't afford it" stuff too when some type of money crisis comes up, but later they are able to see that it wasn't as horrendous to their budget as they first thought. Also, since her parents pay for everything, she might not be very good at the budget concept. I will tell you that at 22 my parents paid for a LOT. I didn't learn the lesson of financial responsibility until many years later.

Yeah that would be her. She likes to freak out. But its just weird because money is never an issue. She has no concept of budget and is honestly a spoiled brat. I guess, I figured if she couldn't come up with the money her parents would pay for the trip and call it a vacation for x-mas or something. I don't think they would ever cut her off or anything... they are still paying for her older sister as well.

So I'm kind of at a loss. We will have to sit down (in person) later in the week and talk it out. But right now, I think we would both (well mostly me) be too emotional about it. ... plus I really need to focus on finals the next few days.

Its nice to be able to vent here though and gain some different perspectives before hand : )

[rodent]

I tend to say "I can't afford it" when I really mean it's just not something I want to spend my money on. I've said "I can't afford it" for so many friend's wedding related events. Bachelorette parties in vegas, parties in Texas, flying to all the showers in the last 4 years. I am a really good friend, I just don't want to spend the time & money on a flight. I have to fly enough as it is.

 

Recently I've learned to stop saying I can't afford it. Now I'll say exactly the truth. Either I don't have the vacation time or it's more than I budgeted for travel for the year. Which is all true.

 

The majority of my close friends are not coming to the wedding. I know they could get the money from somewhere, but they chose not to. But, I honestly feel like that is fine. If they'd rather have the money for redecorating their house, buying new clothes, taking a vacation somewhere else, that really should be their choice. The only thing that kind of upsets me is that when the wedding is in the US, I feel obligated to fly to it even if I'd rather save my money for something I want to do. I think a destination wedding is much easier to say no to. If it was as easy to say no to out of state weddings still in the US, I wouldn't go to as many.

 

One nice thing 4 of my friends have done is fly to north carolina to see me since they are not coming to the wedding.

 

Try your best not to take it personally. I really don't think it's personal. One of my friends was in tears when she told me she couldn't go. Her & her husband are starting to get serious about saving money. A big vacation right now just doesn't fit their goals. I felt terrible that it caused her so much stress. Seeing how hard it was for someone to decide not to go made me realize that it likely is a big deal to others who aren't going but they just can't make it happen right now.

 

OK I'm rambling. I hope something in there made sense.

[Celina]

Wow Morgan - that was a lot for your friend to tell you that much! Most of my friends or family that can't go are just avoiding me! LOL!

 

Becky - hopefully once she has a minute to think it through, or talk to you she will be back on board. Give it a minute. I'm sure you guys will work things out. Good luck!

[Bride010101]

Thanks everyone! Morgan - your ramblings do make sense. : ) I think that is what upsets me the most - the fact she wont just be honest about her reasons for not going and her method of communication (text message). I know that it is a big financial commitment and in chosing a DW we realized not everyone could come. But I would have hoped that our relationship over the years (and her personality normally) would have allowed her to upfront with everything.

 

We'll see what she says later this week...