Why do people have issues with budgets?

[shellb]

Can someone please explain to me why some people have issues with setting a budget? I just don't get it.

 

I am in the middle of the most ridiculous fight with my FH because he refuses to sit down and discuss a budget for our upcoming trip to Ottawa in July. Part of me thinks he thinks I want to talk budget because I don't want to go since the original purpose of this trip was to get him a suit and his best man an outfit. His best man (FH brother) is flip flopping on if he and his family going to the wedding and trying to semi-guilt us into paying for part of their travel expenses or to have someone sit for their 4 kids for the week of the wedding...(long story, so mad about that one too).

 

I have repeatedly said let's figure out how much we are going to spend so we can trim from other things to make it happen (like staying in a cheaper hotel for the nights we'll be on the road, not eat out as much, etc). His attitude is if we go over we go over, who cares, so what's the sense...to quote "not like we are let's see get 3/4 of the way there and say we hit our budget for gas and turn araound and come home." He is so darn frustrating sometimes when it comes to talking about money...he's a spender, I am a saver... I personally don't want to dip into our wedding savings account if we don't have to since the reason for going is no longer the wedding.

 

Am I wrong for wanting to be prepared? I have tried multiple approaches over the past month without trying to be a PITA, he just refuses to sit down and discuss. Ignore is his motto...it will go away. He like a freaking Ostrich with his head in the sand.

 

It's driving me nuts....

[Hartyt509]

You aren't the only one mine is the same lol

 

I've now reached the stage of saying to him - right i'm not doing anything, we don't need do that anymore so we aren't lol

 

Try that say well there is no need to go now so why bother and not sure we can afford it and see the reaction lol

[BarefootBride]

You said it - hes a spender youre a saver. To make this marriage and wedding work, you guys are going to have to sit down and come to a happy medium. Honestly Im on your side.

[shellb]

I could never say no to this trip, even if I don't really want to go. He's really excited to see his nieces and nephew. We've only seen them once since they moved up there 3 years ago. Also, his Mom is joining us as well for the trip. It's now sort of a family vacation, rather than a trip related to the wedding.

 

We always generally tend to find a compromise on things. He's come a long way since we first met when it comes to his spending habits. He's even taught me to relax a little when it comes to treating myself.

 

It's just this darn trip. I need to figure out ways to approach him on this. So far I've hit a wall. I've told him I don't want us to not go, but to have an idea of what things are going to cost us so we aren't hit with a couple thousand dollar credit card bill when we get back that we have to deal with while forking over money for wedding related expenses. I've tried let's look at where the mid-way point will be and choose a hotel that will be ok for us to stay in without costing too much instead of walking in off the street. I've tried let's figure out roughly what our gas mileage so we can ball park what it's going to cost for driving. He just can't seem to see my rationale over why doing this is important.

[Hartyt509]

You might just have to work on it yourself and say right we've got this much and thats it - if trying to compromise about it doesn't work try being direct

[rodent]

There are some helpful books on money & marriage. I read "for richer not poorer" when we first got engaged for us to start making a plan of how to join our money. I'm a saver. Mike used to be a spender, but he has become a saver. I've become less of an extreme saver. So we found our happy medium.

 

Money is so emotional, but you can find a solution. It just takes some work & time.

 

Some friends of ours had the spender/ saver problem too. They started an allowance system & it really worked. The spender has also become a saver & is all wrapped up in learning about finances.

[Maura]

let me just tell you also that in addition to reading the books morgan recommended, your FI needs to realize that wedding things add up fast. especially when you get heavy into planning. if you don't want to end up in huge debt from your wedding if you are paying for 100% of it, you need to talk budgets. he cant have the attitude well if we go over, we go over. that is exactly how people end up in bankruptcy.

[shellb]

My sentiments exactly, when his Dad passed his mom was left with a mountain of debt and they would have lost their house if it wasn't for the fact she put herself on a very strict budget and dug them out of the hole. This is why this boggles my mind that someone whose life was impacted by bad financial habits is so adverse to budgeting.

 

I do not want to be the one that is always the "bad" guy constantly planning, deciding budgets, saying no, hell, we're supposed to work as a team here.

 

I am going to head to the book store today to see if I can find that book.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shellb My sentiments exactly, when his Dad passed his mom was left with a mountain of debt and they would have lost their house if it wasn't for the fact she put herself on a very strict budget and dug them out of the hole. This is why this boggles my mind that someone whose life was impacted by bad financial habits is so adverse to budgeting. I do not want to be the one that is always the "bad" guy constantly planning, deciding budgets, saying no, hell, we're supposed to work as a team here. I am going to head to the book store today to see if I can find that book.

Amazon.com: For Richer Not Poorer: The Newlywed's Financial Survival Guide: Deborah Wilburn: Books

It's less than $2 used. I got it from my local library. It wasn't the best book I've ever read or anything, but it addresses finance & marriage directly.

Amazon.com: Personal Finance For Dummies, 5th edition: Eric Tyson: Books

This is my favorite finance book.

I also watch Suze Orman a lot. I haven't read any of her books, but I've heard women & money is really good.

People think about money really differently. My situation was similar to your husbands, but my brother & I are savers. I also watched my mom be really strong & digg herself out of a hole.

I think you are ahead of the game because you are thinking about this now before you get married. Sometimes both people have their head in the sand & don't talk about it until it's a problem. The thing that worried me the most when Mike & I started dating was that we would never see eye to eye on finances. We are very compatible now. There were some rough times, but I'm glad we talked or fought about it to end up fixing things instead of letting the problem build.

[RyanAmanda]

That sucks that you guys aren't seeing eye to eye on this. I completely get how frustrating that can be.

 

But...without wanting to sound like the bad guy of the thread, I thought I would throw in my two cents since I think I'm a lot like your FH so maybe I can offer some insight.

 

Obviously I don't know you or FH so this is only a guess but, maybe he just wants to relax and have a good time? I mean, with the wedding I'm assuming you guys have been budgeting everything which is stressful for some people. We had a budget for our original at-home wedding and we ended up cancelling the wedding. Everything was just so stressful...we were trying to squeeze pennies out of everything and I wasn't enjoying anything. Even when we weren't doing something wedding-related it just hung over us like a cloud. And obviously his family (or just his brother) is causing stress. I know exactly what that's like - we're paying for FH's parents trip to Mexico (long story).

 

He probably sees how the budget is stressing you out and how his family is stressing you out and he just wants you to have a good time with his family.

 

I'm like him in that I don't get planning gas mileage. It's just one of those things that you can't change so why worry about it. As for the hotel, maybe he wants to be spontanteous and not tied to a schedule.

 

I noticed that your wedding is a year away so you still have plenty of time to save. Maybe he just wants to have one last fun trip before it's time to really start saving and he knows this will be the last trip.