Mom advice needed...long sorry

[angitalia23]

My mom and I have been fighting for months about our AHR, like some of you know I wanted simple...but instead she took it upon herself to invite over 200 guests and have it at a very nice hotel. I wanted rolling stations for dinner, she at first agreed and then denied my request and opted for a full course sit down dinner. Regardless, im now excited for the AHR.

 

So after many many nights of arguing my FI and I have basically let her have 3/4 control over the AHR...which she has wanted all along. She loves planning stuff and basically did everything for my sisters wedding.

Although she pretends to be excited about Mexico, im pretty sure she is not..basically I know this because of her crazy comments sometimes. Well last week we finally came to an understanding after many many hours of yelling. She thinks I dont appreciate the things she is doing (their paying for Cabo & AHR) and my argument is of course I do..but she never gets that no matter how much ass I kiss.

 

Okay so ive been walking on egg shells with her, she is very difficult at times. She feels like everything she "tries" to do I deny, this is sometimes true, I suppose because Im very picky when it comes to MY & FI wedding. Regardless, ive been trying to be more accepting to her suggestions and ideas.

 

Anyway, last week I stopped at my parents and found this horriable (I feel bad saying this but its true) collage she tried making for my bridal shower. It is basically several pictures of Dreams in Cabo. First, my mom is horriable at computer stuff so the quality of the pics is bad. Second, the pics look like their old...like before the Dreams gazebo area was remodeled. She wants to have this at my shower!!!!!!...and I do not want it there, at all! She does not know I saw it...so my question is what do I do. How can I do this with out hurting her feelings and causing another blow up between her and I or do you think im just being a brat?

 

 

 

Thanks girls!

[Maura]

hmmmm well.... i say you could make your own collage and just show up with it to cover up hers, obviously yours will be better with nicer photos because you know what youre doing. and if she asks WTF then you just tell her well it thought it would be a nice guesture to show the shower guests some photos!

[Copita]

I say, just let her have the collage at your bridal showe if she already made it. It's not that major.

As for the wedding, mothers are SO pushy!!! Mine seriously is insane about mine and is always pushing her ideas on me and gets mad when I reject them. BUT she's not paying for my wedding. We are. If she was paying for it, I'd prob let her do whatever she wanted (with my input, of course). But since she's not, I just say, hello, it's my wedding and I"m funding it, so no. LOL.

 

Wait, I want to edit this... If she were paying. I would let her do a LOT of what she wanted but not everything. LOL. Just tell her straight up what you want. Mothers are really sensitive so just try to talk to her. I wish I could take my own advice. Mine is driving me nuts! You are not alone!

[Dez921714]

You mentioned having a sister, how is your relationship with her? maybe mention the collage to your sister and tell her your feelings....maybe "suggest" she help your mom with it, and send her some good pics....?

[Sandra E.]

This is a hard one, but even though she did a collage you didn't like. You might want to just let her have it at your shower. Otherwise, she might feel as you are not being appreciative of her efforts. I know, I know you want things perfect but I think sometimes you have to lose some battles. Remember she's excited about your wedding and she's doing the best she knows how.

[Spazz]

I'd say let her have the collage. In the grand scheme of things, it's a minor detail so it's probably not worth getting into it with her. Obviously I don't know your mom, but maybe she thinks it's something that you'll like and that it looks wonderful, so it would be upsetting to her to hear that it's not when she worked hard on it.

[alex]

Quote:

Originally Posted by deznchris2006 You mentioned having a sister, how is your relationship with her? maybe mention the collage to your sister and tell her your feelings....maybe "suggest" she help your mom with it, and send her some good pics....?

This is a good idea! Maybe she can pretend to notice it herself & mention that she came across some really amazing pictures...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lizz I'd say let her have the collage. In the grand scheme of things, it's a minor detail so it's probably not worth getting into it with her. Obviously I don't know your mom, but maybe she thinks it's something that you'll like and that it looks wonderful, so it would be upsetting to her to hear that it's not when she worked hard on it.

If the sister thing doesn't work, this might be your best option. Mom's can be HUGE PITA's, but I think she's just excited & trying to do something nice for you (even if it doesn't look very nice!... literally! lol)
You might just have to suck it up & let her "surprise" you with the collage. It's obviously been made with love

[jajajaja]

In all honesty, I think this is a pick your battles type thing. I think it's way more important to fight about the wedding stuff or AHR plans than the shower. Technically, isn't the shower suppose to be thrown FOR you, not BY you. Therefore, I thought brides just show up and everyone does all the work. I'd just let her do the collage since everyone will know it's not exactly a reflection of YOUR taste. That's just me though. I'd fight over the big stuff.

 

As for moms- my mom is the bossiest thing. She tries to tell me what to do all the time. I think sometimes they can't just move beyond their "mothering" instinct.

 

However, I don't think it's right that your mom continues to push everything on you. I would address this problem when you aren't in a fight. Just clue her in that you feel that she is being a little overbearing and the fun of getting married is planning it- not having someone else pick everything out. If you talked to her about it when you weren't in a fight, hopefully she will be more apt to listen because she won't be angry and trying to argue back.

[angitalia23]

Thanks Everyone, see sometimes I need to vent because then all of you great ladies put things into perspective for me. I suppose I should just pick my battles and this should not be something I worry about.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by deznchris2006 You mentioned having a sister, how is your relationship with her? maybe mention the collage to your sister and tell her your feelings....maybe "suggest" she help your mom with it, and send her some good pics....?

For the record, my sister always always sides with my mom on stuff related to my wedding, odd seeing as she usually backs me up on everything else.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by LC_Rachel In all honesty, I think this is a pick your battles type thing. I think it's way more important to fight about the wedding stuff or AHR plans than the shower. Technically, isn't the shower suppose to be thrown FOR you, not BY you. Therefore, I thought brides just show up and everyone does all the work. I'd just let her do the collage since everyone will know it's not exactly a reflection of YOUR taste. That's just me though. I'd fight over the big stuff.   As for moms- my mom is the bossiest thing. She tries to tell me what to do all the time. I think sometimes they can't just move beyond their "mothering" instinct.   However, I don't think it's right that your mom continues to push everything on you. I would address this problem when you aren't in a fight. Just clue her in that you feel that she is being a little overbearing and the fun of getting married is planning it- not having someone else pick everything out. If you talked to her about it when you weren't in a fight, hopefully she will be more apt to listen because she won't be angry and trying to argue back.

Thanks Rachel for the advice. We actually just talked and I mentioned a little more of how I feel and she was very responsive...it was nice, not to say there will never be another blow up again but for the current time being it was nice!

[jajajaja]

Oh good! My mom and I used to fight so bad. My high school years were intolerable. Anyways, our therapist suggested we talk to each other about problems out the heat of the moment. We even had to write letters to each other because it would get so bad and so out of hand.

 

Thank goodness those days are over! We like each other now and I think it's cause we aren't in the same house to boss one another.