Need advice...

[Nrvsbride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opice34 Great advice everyone! Especially Christa! Glenda - it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. When I finished grad school, I had 30k in CC debt and 60k in school loans. Paying that off was the hardest thing I've had to do, but it taught me that I will NEVER be in debt again. (And I have quite a good nest egg built up now, too!) So, I think it's good that you're not bailing him out. He needs to feel the pain and understand how serious this is! Does he recognize how impressive it is that you have paid off so much of your debt? My concern is that if FI doesn't think debt is a bad thing, it seems that he'll just continue down this cycle. He needs some sort of mental shift, or once he pays this off he'll just accrue more debt elsewhere. Perhaps he needs to be explained the difference between compound interest working FOR you vs. compund interest working AGAINST you? What if you put together an amortization schedule showing how much money you'd have at retirement if you invested that $300 each month? Maybe if he saw how much the money would grow if it were put in savings rather than paying off interest for a credit card? The thing that eats me up about paying interest is that it's FOR NOTHING!!! It kills me! And if that doesn't bother him at all, I worry that he'll continue down this cycle. In the excel help tool, if you put in "amortization" there is a template you can use. I used this to calculate the interest paid on all of my dates and also the interest earned on all of my investments. He also needs to recognize that once you're married, it's not just HIS debt, it's your debt too. I assume you are making good money and having to sacrifice things because of his careless spending. If that's the case, he should be bothered by that. If he doesn't care about getting out of debt for himself, he at least needs to care about getting out of debt for you! I hope everything works out. It took me a long time to figure out how horrible debt is, but I'm glad I got that lesson in my early 20s. It was so rewarding to pay it off myself and it was a priceless lesson! I do think the CC company will lower the interest rate if he consistently makes payments on time, but I think the bigger issue is that he doesn't seem to be concerned about the debt. Hugs.

You are so right about all of this. Its his thinking that I'm the most concerned about. I've actually done an amortization table for him. He says he realizes what he's done but I don't believe that's enough to prevent him from running up his debt again. Even though I'm not bailing him out its still hurting me b/c that's money we could have used towards other things.

That is really impressive that you were able to pay off all that debt! Congrats that is a great accomplishment!

[Opice34]

I just re-read my post and that sounded harsh. I think it's great that he's working a 2nd job to try to pay it off. That is excellent and shows he has a good work ethic. I'm sure he is a wonderful guy! I just feel badly that you are having to deal with someone else's debt!

 

And I shouldn't have called his spending "careless". It sounds like you guys are on a tight budget, and in the grand scheme of things, 10k is not that much. But that interest rate is a killer!

 

I really do hope things work out for you guys. It sounds like he's a good guy and he definitely has a good support system in you.

[Hartyt509]

My heart goes out to you honestly it does.

 

My first husband ran up about £35k in debt in MY name without me knowing (stupid trusting cow that I was!) I only found out when he decided it was over (I'd obviously ran out of credit)

 

I managed to pay it off but it took me about 9 years! Its not always as bad as it looks - i'd take all financial responsibility off him and a really tight budget. Negotiate lower payments and then if you have an extra £20 one month pay it off. It goes down slowly but surely - good luck xx

[Opice34]

Thanks! I had 3 years of zero fun, but I did it! I even moved back in with my parents for a year. (I am very lucky to have fantastic parents.)

 

And when I was getting my MBA, I really didn't have a dime. I remember being at a bar with friends once and all of my credit cards were maxed out and my checking account was at $0. So, I was drinking water. My friends ended up buying my drinks that night and I promised them I would repay them one day! And I have! It was a really good feeling, but I couldn't have done it without a wonderful family and friends...

[Opice34]

Would he be okay with you handling ALL of the finances? I don't want you to have to deal with this forever.

[Nrvsbride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opice34 I just re-read my post and that sounded harsh. I think it's great that he's working a 2nd job to try to pay it off. That is excellent and shows he has a good work ethic. I'm sure he is a wonderful guy! I just feel badly that you are having to deal with someone else's debt! And I shouldn't have called his spending "careless". It sounds like you guys are on a tight budget, and in the grand scheme of things, 10k is not that much. But that interest rate is a killer! I really do hope things work out for you guys. It sounds like he's a good guy and he definitely has a good support system in you.

Don't worry you weren't being harsh. And you had every right to call his spending careless b/c it was careless. LOL!

[Nrvsbride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opice34 Thanks! I had 3 years of zero fun, but I did it! I even moved back in with my parents for a year. (I am very lucky to have fantastic parents.) And when I was getting my MBA, I really didn't have a dime. I remember being at a bar with friends once and all of my credit cards were maxed out and my checking account was at $0. So, I was drinking water. My friends ended up buying my drinks that night and I promised them I would repay them one day! And I have! It was a really good feeling, but I couldn't have done it without a wonderful family and friends...

That is awful. I had a friend who that happened to. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I just finished reading Tori Spelling's autobiography and she said some guy ran up her credit cards and he ended up spending all her 90210 money.

[deleted]

Glenda,

 

It sounds like you have tried really hard here and I sympathize with you. I also agree that it's the attitude more than the actual money that's the root of why you're upset. I think you would feel totally different if you felt he was invested in paying off the debt and that you were working better as a team on it. Plus, it's hard to live in such a high cost area. The basics are expensive!

 

I guess the only thing I can think of is selling the car (even though it's financed, you can sell it to pay off the lien can't you?) and buying something either with cash from the sale or just something MUCH cheaper. Like a 2003 Saturn or something (just as an example, I drove a cheap ass Saturn all of college and it was good to me). Then whatever you're saving each month on a cheaper car could go toward the CC debt? I don't know.

 

I hope he is successful in calling the card company and lowering the rate! That would be a big help.

 

HUGS to you my dear!