Need advice...

[A10CalGal]

Glenda - I was at the hair salon last night & saw an article in the April issue of Ladies Home Journal about this exact subject! Craziness.

 

Anyway, they discuss the pros & cons of all possible methods of getting out of debt trouble, including debt consolidation. I didn't fully absorb the article, so I won't try to summarize...just thought I would throw this out there.

[Nrvsbride]

Thank you so much to everybody for your input and advice. I don't know why this issue is eating away at me, I'm usually great with my money. I graduated law school with $25,000 in credit card debt and a $55,000 loan and I've already paid off my entire credit card debt and $5,000 off my student loan. I'm an excellent saver and I have great credit so I've never had these problems.

 

I know this sounds so awful but I refuse to bail him out. He has to learn his lesson one way or another. He realizes he screwed up but the problem is that to him there are no consequences. What I mean by that is that if it takes him 40 years to pay the credit card he is okay with that. He thinks everyone has debt so what's the big deal. But he doesn't realize that he shouldn't be paying years worth of high interest that he could be putting towards a down payment of a house or retirement.

 

We don't take any vacations. In fact I've been dating him for close to 8 years and we have never taken a vacation together. He on the other hand took a pricey vaca to Peru which is what put him under. I don't have a car so there is no issue as to that. We can't sell the car b/c he just finished his lease and decided to buy. So technically he doesn't own it to be able to sell it.

 

We bring our own lunch and we don't go out. He works on the weekends anyway bartending. We really don't have luxury spending. I can't tell you the last thing I bought for myself and he doesn't buy anything either b/c his CC is maxed out. So really I am not exaggerating when I say that our entire paychecks are going to pay all this. Also all his loans are federal loans and not private. We actually don't have an issue with the loans, its moreso the credit card and the car payments that are eating away our lives.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm going to force him to call the CC today when I get home. Hopefully they'll reduce the interest a little bit.

 

Thank you again for your advice and Janet I like it when people are harsh with me! (Although in fairness you weren't being harsh, LOL)

[jajajaja]

I wish you luck Glenda. I have CC debt too, but I just slowly chip away at it. Unfortunately, I got a CC when I went to college and I honestly had no financial responsibility at that time. I just was like "woo hoo" freedom and when I woke up from that bubble at the tender age of about 24 (haha- I'm an idiot) I tried to start getting it together. Slowly and surely you can pay this off.

 

However, at some point your FI does need to wake up and realize the hole he is in to try to find a way to get out. Money is such a stressful thing- especially when you and your FI don't mesh in the thought process of how to be financially responsible. Pay the CCs on time and then continue to hassle for lower rates. They DO work with you if you show that you are paying them back in a timely manner.

 

To keep you sane, I'd find a small goal (ie-pay all the cards on time) and try to get a lower interest rate. If you focus on the huge hole you are in, it can become overwhelming and make you feel like there is no way out.

 

And of course, when I say "you" I really mean your FI. I agree- it's his responsibility and I'd hate to see you continually suffer because he hasn't focused on getting it together. You shouldn't have to live to the bare minimum for this problem- he should make the sacrifices and you be the support system.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride Thank you so much to everybody for your input and advice. I don't know why this issue is eating away at me, I'm usually great with my money. I graduated law school with $25,000 in credit card debt and a $55,000 loan and I've already paid off my entire credit card debt and $5,000 off my student loan. I'm an excellent saver and I have great credit so I've never had these problems. I know this sounds so awful but I refuse to bail him out. He has to learn his lesson one way or another. He realizes he screwed up but the problem is that to him there are no consequences. What I mean by that is that if it takes him 40 years to pay the credit card he is okay with that. He thinks everyone has debt so what's the big deal. But he doesn't realize that he shouldn't be paying years worth of high interest that he could be putting towards a down payment of a house or retirement. We don't take any vacations. In fact I've been dating him for close to 8 years and we have never taken a vacation together. He on the other hand took a pricey vaca to Peru which is what put him under. I don't have a car so there is no issue as to that. We can't sell the car b/c he just finished his lease and decided to buy. So technically he doesn't own it to be able to sell it. We bring our own lunch and we don't go out. He works on the weekends anyway bartending. We really don't have luxury spending. I can't tell you the last thing I bought for myself and he doesn't buy anything either b/c his CC is maxed out. So really I am not exaggerating when I say that our entire paychecks are going to pay all this. Also all his loans are federal loans and not private. We actually don't have an issue with the loans, its moreso the credit card and the car payments that are eating away our lives. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm going to force him to call the CC today when I get home. Hopefully they'll reduce the interest a little bit. Thank you again for your advice and Janet I like it when people are harsh with me! (Although in fairness you weren't being harsh, LOL)

That is not aweful at all. Thats how it should be. If you bailed him out, he'd probably do it again.

It's really hard when one person is a spender & one is a saver. He is wrong to think everyone has that much debt & he can just pay it off until he is 40 and that is no big deal.

I can't imagine he is really at peace with all that debt. Maybe he is just in denile & needs a reality check to realize he needs to get serious about paying it off. Does he realize how much goes towards interest? Also, does he realize how much earning potential he is losing by not being able to save anything?

Did he lease a fancy car or is it just something to get him around?

[MelissaH]

I'm kinda late on this - but DH & I are struggling with the same thing. He came into the relationship with a lot of debt and his bad habits have seemed to have rubbed off on me (I used to be super good with my money and was NEVER in debt). Anyways the 2 of us have been fighting super hard to get our debt paid down and our biggest help was this;

 

Quicken.com - Debt Reduction Planner: Consolidate Debt, Credit, Money Management

 

Having a plan of attack laid out for us has helped us tremendously. We have our bank accounts set for automatic withdrawls according to what the plan says we should be paying monthly so we have no choice but to pay them (we're good when we know that a certain amount of money needs to go somewhere...it's just when it's "free" money that we seem to have a bit of a spending problem )

 

We've managed to stay on track and have already paid off one big credit card...he's an example of what the planner laid out for us (please don't judge me by my debt load )

 

 

05/08

PC MC............510.00..............1764.85

M Visa............139.00..............8096.08

J Visa............ 151.00............12894.07

J Loan............610.00..............5979.01

Credit Line.......300.00............26864.85

Total: $55598.86

 

Then it goes month by month for a year....this is how we'll look in a year from now...I know it's only $14000 or so that we'll have paid to principal, but we're excited about that and it's totally motivated us to stick to it...

 

04/09

PC MC.................0.00..................0.00 YAY!

M Visa............1160.73..............3515.89

J Visa...............151.00............12516.22

J Loan............98.27......................0.00 YAY!

Credit Line............300.00.........25365.54

Total: $41397.65

[MelanieS]

Melissa, paying off $14,000 of debt in one year is nothing to sneeze at. Congratulations for having a plan and sticking to it!

[Nrvsbride]

Thanks Melissa I am def going to look into that!

 

~Morgan he leased a 2005 Nissan Maxima (back in 05) but now he bought it (well financed it) and now we are up shit's creek so to speak.

[neen]

i'm very late to the party here, and it sounds like you have all the advice you need in terms of debt consolidation. and since you have a good head on your shoulders, I'm sure you've already thought of this, but just in case i wanted to mention something on the budget front...you should get FIT: examine and set a strict budget for the three most common budget suckers - FOOD, INSURANCE, and TELECOMMUNICATIONS. Before I got serious about saving and sticking to budget, our food bills were OOC because I'd just throw any ol thing into the cart or head out for dinner three or four nights a week. I also had the same car insurance co since I was 16 and never price- shopped, but FI may be able to save seriously $$$ by doing some research. Lastly, telecommunications is a big sink hole...cell phone, home phone, cable, internet. Look at FIs plans for each of these things and see if there are some "luxuries" you can cut out for awhile, until the CC is paid off. For instance, do you really need to be able to send 1000 text messages a month? Do you need long distance service on both your cell AND home phone.

I know some of this may sound crazy or may not apply to you guys, but wanted to put it out there!

[Nrvsbride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by neen i'm very late to the party here, and it sounds like you have all the advice you need in terms of debt consolidation. and since you have a good head on your shoulders, I'm sure you've already thought of this, but just in case i wanted to mention something on the budget front...you should get FIT: examine and set a strict budget for the three most common budget suckers - FOOD, INSURANCE, and TELECOMMUNICATIONS. Before I got serious about saving and sticking to budget, our food bills were OOC because I'd just throw any ol thing into the cart or head out for dinner three or four nights a week. I also had the same car insurance co since I was 16 and never price- shopped, but FI may be able to save seriously $$$ by doing some research. Lastly, telecommunications is a big sink hole...cell phone, home phone, cable, internet. Look at FIs plans for each of these things and see if there are some "luxuries" you can cut out for awhile, until the CC is paid off. For instance, do you really need to be able to send 1000 text messages a month? Do you need long distance service on both your cell AND home phone. I know some of this may sound crazy or may not apply to you guys, but wanted to put it out there!

Thank you so much for your input. Unfortunately for our situation I think we are just screwed. I have thought of everything I possibly can. We don't pay cable, it comes included with our rent. We don't have a house phone (only cellphones) and we have the most basic package. Also we really don't spend a lot of money on groceries. We never eat out (b/c we are broke) and we don't go out to the movies or bars or anything like that. (Yes, I lead a boring life). He already has a second job so I can't even imagine what else we could possibly do short of selling my liver on the black market.

But I do appreciate everyone's input, it really helps at the very least to reaffirm that I'm not crazy and that I'm not an awful person for not wanting to bail him out (again).

[Opice34]

Great advice everyone! Especially Christa!

 

Glenda - it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. When I finished grad school, I had 30k in CC debt and 60k in school loans. Paying that off was the hardest thing I've had to do, but it taught me that I will NEVER be in debt again. (And I have quite a good nest egg built up now, too!) So, I think it's good that you're not bailing him out. He needs to feel the pain and understand how serious this is! Does he recognize how impressive it is that you have paid off so much of your debt?

 

My concern is that if FI doesn't think debt is a bad thing, it seems that he'll just continue down this cycle. He needs some sort of mental shift, or once he pays this off he'll just accrue more debt elsewhere. Perhaps he needs to be explained the difference between compound interest working FOR you vs. compund interest working AGAINST you? What if you put together an amortization schedule showing how much money you'd have at retirement if you invested that $300 each month? Maybe if he saw how much the money would grow if it were put in savings rather than paying off interest for a credit card? The thing that eats me up about paying interest is that it's FOR NOTHING!!! It kills me! And if that doesn't bother him at all, I worry that he'll continue down this cycle.

 

In the excel help tool, if you put in "amortization" there is a template you can use. I used this to calculate the interest paid on all of my dates and also the interest earned on all of my investments.

 

He also needs to recognize that once you're married, it's not just HIS debt, it's your debt too. I assume you are making good money and having to sacrifice things because of his careless spending. If that's the case, he should be bothered by that. If he doesn't care about getting out of debt for himself, he at least needs to care about getting out of debt for you!

 

I hope everything works out. It took me a long time to figure out how horrible debt is, but I'm glad I got that lesson in my early 20s. It was so rewarding to pay it off myself and it was a priceless lesson! I do think the CC company will lower the interest rate if he consistently makes payments on time, but I think the bigger issue is that he doesn't seem to be concerned about the debt.

 

Hugs.