Bridesmaid Picking Advice

[KARLA]

There was NO way I could single any of my friends out for our wedding party. So I just had my 2 sisters and my hubby's sister as my bridesmaids. My hubby did not heed my advice, and he had 5 groomsmen. He still had to pick and choose between friends. Later on we found out that some of his friends that were not groomsmen were a bit hurt not to be in the wedding party. So then we had to have 5 groomsmen and 2 readers from his side... Pretty much half of the freakin' wedding looked like they were in our wedding party! It was fine, but I was a bit upset that MY friends were ultimately left out since I could not have any readers, etc... Honestly, I think my friends were fine with it, since being a bridesmaid is sometimes more of a PITA!

[NATASHA]

I'd do sisters as well.

 

A DW makes things a bit different - people are investing to be there. Adding the "burden" of being a BM to that many people (I put it in quotes because if you read some of the BM rants you'll see that ultimately at least one person sees it as a burden) is going to be problematic. Plus, trying to keep that many people moving forward in the same direction is going to add stress to your life (and theirs).

 

The really great thing about a DW is that you all get so much time to spend together in the days before that it's like one big party. Organize a special spa day for the girls - EVERYONE will appreciate that burden.

[MagsieMexico]

Great advice ladies, thank you.

 

I think that is what I will do, and I will tell the other girls that I would want them as bridesmaids, but this is an untraditional wedding, and we'll all have a spa day before...

 

Sounds great. thank you!

[AmyInMI]

I am put in the same dilema. I have 1 sister, Aaron has one sister, I have one very close cousin who has already made comments that she hopes to be in my wedding, and I have my best friend. Including these 4, we only plan on having approx 16-20 guests at the wedding and none of Aaron's friends are going.

 

We decided that since we are already going against the norm with having a DW, we are going to ask my sister to stand on my side and Aaron's sister to stand on his.

 

We do not plan on having a big elaborate ceremony or anything, but does anyone have suggestions of what I can have my cousin and my best friend do because I would like to include them somehow.

 

I feel so bad with my cousin because she had asked her mom (my aunt) if she thought I would ask her to be in my wedding and then stated that she really hoped I asked. We have been very close growing up and if I was having a bigger ceremony/wedding party at a traditional wedding she would be a BM for sure.

[*JillD*]

I definetly agree with both of you about having just the sisters. I had a similar problem I would have had about 8 bm's, but it would have been too much. I felt bad asking them to spend more money, and some of them I wasn't even sure they'd be able to go,so I just chose my sister.

 

Amy,I think if you explain to your cousin that you would have had her in it if it were a traditional wedding, I would think she'd be okay with that, and maybe involve her with your wedding planning so she feels like shes a part of things, or have her do a reading. Maybe if you are having a shower she can help with planning that as well.

[LCBride2007]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmyInMI I am put in the same dilema. I have 1 sister, Aaron has one sister, I have one very close cousin who has already made comments that she hopes to be in my wedding, and I have my best friend. Including these 4, we only plan on having approx 16-20 guests at the wedding and none of Aaron's friends are going. We decided that since we are already going against the norm with having a DW, we are going to ask my sister to stand on my side and Aaron's sister to stand on his. We do not plan on having a big elaborate ceremony or anything, but does anyone have suggestions of what I can have my cousin and my best friend do because I would like to include them somehow. I feel so bad with my cousin because she had asked her mom (my aunt) if she thought I would ask her to be in my wedding and then stated that she really hoped I asked. We have been very close growing up and if I was having a bigger ceremony/wedding party at a traditional wedding she would be a BM for sure.

Maybe you can involve your cousin in something important, like giving her a task to make her feel needed and a part of your wedding day. In MN, and I know this isnt' the case everywhere, the bride typically has a personal attendant - she's responsible for making sure the bride has everything she needs on teh wedding day, and thinking of things the bride may forget - like extra bobbypins in case her hair falls, stuff like that.

[cancun1007]

This was the part I hated the most... if I asked one then someone would feel left out and mad- if we asked others they may not be able to afford to come along but would then "make it happen" and we would feel like an ass at the end of the day-

SO we voted for none! We are asking the the entire party - "stand in support" of us. I have let everyone know that the dress code and colors and have asked that they have those attending "fit in" nothing fancy- but dressed nice for an evening on the beach-

 

I so hope my plan does not back fire and bite me in the back side!

[TammyWright]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmyInMI I am put in the same dilema. I have 1 sister, Aaron has one sister, I have one very close cousin who has already made comments that she hopes to be in my wedding, and I have my best friend. Including these 4, we only plan on having approx 16-20 guests at the wedding and none of Aaron's friends are going. We decided that since we are already going against the norm with having a DW, we are going to ask my sister to stand on my side and Aaron's sister to stand on his. I feel so bad with my cousin because she had asked her mom (my aunt) if she thought I would ask her to be in my wedding and then stated that she really hoped I asked. We have been very close growing up and if I was having a bigger ceremony/wedding party at a traditional wedding she would be a BM for sure.

amy, i think this is a great idea to have each sister stand on each side...if you explain to your cusin why you had to do that, she would understand. can you have her do a reading at your ceremony or anything to give her a "role"?

[MagsieMexico]

That's a great idea, since everyone who comes is so close to you anyway, they are all "standing up for you".... Lovely. Thanks!

[Hummingbird]

I agree that "less is more" when it comes to BMs! I also think the idea of a spa day is awesome. A friend of mine just did that - she couldn't choose between friends, so she just had her brother stand up with her as "honor attendant". (They are very close, and it was so sweet!) She also planned a spa day right before the wedding for all of her girlfriends, and it was wonderful just to hang out together.