I need advice on whom to invite

[MagsieMexico]

Ugh, I totally agree, it's so wonderful to have all you girls going through the same stuff! My parents are totally fine, but my FI's parents are guilting us "oh, you can't invite so and so or so and so because it's fishing for a gift, and they can't go cos it's so expensive..." blah blah blah. Which is doubly ridiculous since we live in London, not Michigan anyway, so no matter where we did it (unless we did it in Michigan even though nobody I know lives there, and we don't live there!!!) everyone would be travelling anyway.

 

But, so, this is good advice. I think I will just send out STDs to everyone. Let them decide what they are doing. And I will put 'no gifts' on our wedding site, everyone's spending enough to get to our wedding anyway, and those that don't want to come, won't feel like we're fishing.

 

Also, if they're guilting you now about your decision, they'll probably guilt you if you don't send an invitation, so you can't win, so just send them!

 

It's so hard, I'm so glad we're all going through this, AND, I'm so glad we have all the shared wonderful photos to remember why we're doing this, and to remember that we're the smart ones making the best choice!!!!

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride Thanks guys you are the absolute best. It's weird I will talk to my friends about this and they will give me the same advice but it doesn't make me feel better. Then I'll hear it from you guys and poof I feel all better. I feel like we all understand each other b/c we are in the same boat. I am going to go ahead and invite everyone and if they don't want to come then so be it. On another note Jules I am so sorry about your FI's best friend. That really sucks! Is there anyway that you guys can pay for his trip so that they can use their money for her trip? I know it sucks and is totally unfair but I would be willing to make the sacrifice to make my FI happy. I really think that there is no other way around it if you want him there b/c she will probably give him hell if he went w/o her! I hope this all works out. Can't they just use their tax return money? It's not like your wedding is tomorrow or anything, they still have time to save for heaven's sake!! -Glenda

I suggested to my FI that we pitch in and help him out. He said no, he does not want to do that. He does not want to do it because where do we draw the line, my sister has a lot less money than his friend, so does one of my BM's who said she is coming no matter what. Why, when we gave them 11 months notice, so we offer to pay for him. He said that, not me. I think he might just be a little angry. But, truth is, we are going to be moving to a new city in March, buying our first house and I don't even have a job yet in this new city. Then, we are getting married in November. We are not really in a place to offer to pay for other people at this point. Its very stressful.

[Christine]

Glenda-sorry I didn't get to respond I was away from my computer most of the weekend. I would send invites to everyone because even though they say they won't go, they would be even more offended if you didn't invite them. And who know, maybe some of them will and you would have missed out on them being there.

[destinationbride07]

Glenda Glenda Glenda…welcome to my world! I had the same situation (mostly from my family). I totally agree with what Sarah and Ann said….

 

MOFOS I TELL YAH...... MOFOS!

[Fotini]

I totally agree with all of you... I dont want to rant right now. But half the reason why we are having our wedding Santorini is that my mother's fam is in greece. I have been hearing rumblings b/c they are annoying that i'm not doing it in Athens where they all live!

 

Meanwhile if i was having my wedding in NY i cant imagine any of them would come!

 

I just have to keep reminding myself, that i would go insane if i tried to make everyone happy.. Just invite them all and its thier call

[Nrvsbride]

Again thank you to all for your great advice. If I would have had a home wedding I would have invited them all anyway so I will still invite them. If they can't or don't want to come then that is their loss. I will be soaking up the sun in cabo!! I lot of you mentioned that you did some type of RSVP with your save the dates? May I ask what you included with the SDT? I think I may want to do this. And how long did you give everyone to respond? My wedding is not until a year and a half but I would like to get STD's out within the next couple of months just so I can give people time to save. And the RSVP's may help me determine how many rooms to block.

 

-Glenda

[destinationbride07]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride If I would have had a home wedding I would have invited them all anyway so I will still invite them. -Glenda

Bingo…that says it all People just don’t get it lol lol

[TammyWright]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride Again thank you to all for your great advice. If I would have had a home wedding I would have invited them all anyway so I will still invite them. If they can't or don't want to come then that is their loss. I will be soaking up the sun in cabo!! I lot of you mentioned that you did some type of RSVP with your save the dates? May I ask what you included with the SDT? I think I may want to do this. And how long did you give everyone to respond? My wedding is not until a year and a half but I would like to get STD's out within the next couple of months just so I can give people time to save. And the RSVP's may help me determine how many rooms to block. -Glenda

you could always have your STD with your website address, then have an RSVP page on your website?

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride I lot of you mentioned that you did some type of RSVP with your save the dates? May I ask what you included with the SDT? I think I may want to do this. And how long did you give everyone to respond? My wedding is not until a year and a half but I would like to get STD's out within the next couple of months just so I can give people time to save. And the RSVP's may help me determine how many rooms to block. -Glenda

We sent our STD's in September and requested a response by December, so they had basically 4 months to decide.

We had STD magnets made, with our website printed on the bottom. Those were sent with a letter saying (in essence) this is what we are doing, when & where we are doing it, and we do not expect everyone to be able to attend. We then told them to go to our website for all the info they would need to make an informed decision (passport fees/travel packages/etc.). The website has an RSVP section where they let us know, AND we told them that due to the nature of our DW, we had to get a count soon, so if we did not hear either way from them by the deadline, we would have to assume they were not planning to attend.

We even went so far as to offer them links to travel companies that do free payment plans so that they could put a small amount down and make it manageable. Our guests range from filthy rich to very broke, so we tried to give everyone an option. Now only the people saying they would come are getting formal invites, that's a money saver too!!

Hope this helps!!

P.S. As a side bonus, there were a few "courtesy invites" that took forever to respond, and when they did it was after the deadline, so because of my disclaimer, I was able to tell them it was too late as my WC in Mexico already made arrangements for the number of people I gave her by the deadline. But yes, I did secretly extend that deadline for people I WANTED to be there. A bride's gotta do what a bride's gotta do

[SunsetBride]

I am dealing with a similar dilemma. I would love to pick the resort for my wedding based on MY likes and dislikes and what my FH and I want. However, I am dealing with a bit of guilt because these resorts are little more expensive. So, do I have the wedding at a more affordable resort so more people can attend or do I just go ahead and plan my wedding the way I want it and not worry about them?

 

All of the resorts are beautiful (Iberostar Tucan on the cheaper side and Excellence on the pricier side - not that much more money though, maybe a $2-300 more per person for a three night stay). I really don't like the idea of my guests being spread out at different resorts so I wouldn't want to choose the pricier resort for the wedding and have everyone stay somewhere else. UGHH! What to do, what to do?