BM Griping and Venting!

[Celina]

You know...I would just take her (You and her only) to David's Bridal and have her try on the dress.

 

As I am a busty gal myself with DDD's! Me wearing a strapless anything is out! I even bought one of those convertible bras that you can change the straps etc...what a joke that was!

 

I'm sure between the two of you, can find a dress that is acceptable. Giver her a choice out of 4 different dresses and tell her that's it. If she can't do it, then I would ask her to seriously evaluate and let you know if being in your wedding is something she really wants to do.

 

It would seem impossible that she would change her mind after going through so much to acommodate her. Being a MOH is stressful and maybe she needs a wake up call. If she is trippin over a choice as easy as a dress - this is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

I hate to sound so quick to throw her under the bus, but it seems like you've done a lot already to try to help her out.

[BillysBride]

Celina- you're right. I calmed myself down the other day, and gave her a call. I asked if she was busy Saturday afternoon (yesterday) and said "Lets do some lunch and hit Davids. There are at least a couple of other dresses that are similar enough to work that you might like if you tried them on." After a brief hesitation, she says "hmmm, ok." That was Thursday.

 

Fast forward to Friday. She calls me, on her lunch break to tell me that both her son and mother had called her cell phone several times and not left messages that day. She was "worried" and couldn't get an answer when she tried calling either of them back. Now, her son is 21. Grown. But I'm not going there yet. I tell her, "well, if something serious were going on, they would call your work number, not do four hangups on your cell phone. Let me know what was goin on tonight after you get off and don't worry."

 

Anyway, I said to myself right then and there (and to FH) "This smells like the buildup to bailing." Call me a pessimist, but thats the first thing that came through my mind. And in my defense, this person has a history of things like this. When I initially tried to introduce her to my circle of girlfriends years ago, she would agree to go out with us or whatever, then mysterious things would always happen the day before or day of. Finally, a few years ago, she told me that she felt "Like the oddball around all of you guys together. You're all so put together and everything." Ofcourse, this was the beginning of me trying to boost her self esteem and change how she saw herself. Its never worked.

 

Fast forward to that evening...no call. Friday..no call. Saturday late afternoon (around 4:30 ...when she KNEW the appt I set was for 2:30) she calls. Laughing. All about the "sex toy party" she went to that day. Ladies, I bit my tongue til it damn near fell off. Didn't say a word...just let her talk, til she was running out of things to say. I barely even grunted acknowledgement. Finally, she's like "Oh well, sounds like you're busy or whatever, so I'll talk to you later." I tell her, "Ya, we can try to come up with a time to go get you into some dresses." Her response? "Oh..ya. mmk. " NO acknowledgement of having blown off the appt (which, thankfully I cancelled that morning because I knew she wasn't going to show)

 

If it were truly the boob thing, I'd be more understanding. But trust me when I say that after knowing this broad for 8 yrs, I know her body issues and her own personal preferences. Its not the bra issue. Its the fact that she doesn't want to wear that dress. Period. She thinks its too..whatever. She believes in "big women" (and by that, I mean anyone over a size 12) should only wear certain things.

 

I'm to the point where I'm just over it. She can participate or not. its not worth getting the other girls annoyed and its surely not worth my time trying to fix this ...problem she has with herself. She can either wear the dress I chose, or the other one I found thats similar. OR she can stay her ass at home and not attend. If this is how she wants to behave, then I'd rather not have her there anyway. My mother (who has other issues with the girl) was livid. At this point, I'm not even going to start making excuses for her. She's an adult, ya know? I expected better.

[Betsy]

OH MY GOODNESS. Is this girl for real? How did you bite your tongue - I mean WTF? She didn't even ACKNOWLEDGE forgetting your appt? I would be LIVID! I think it's time she turns into a guest at your wedding instead of a bridesmaid! How freakin selfish of her! And especially after you totally were catering to her! I am so mad for you!

[manda0812]

Quote:

Originally Posted by azhuskergirl sorry she's causing you stress. It's stories like these that make me think my decision to not have a MOH/BMs was a great idea. It does sound as if the issue is more about her body image than the dress. Hang in there.

I agree, am so glad I am not going down that path either.. but sounds like you have handled the situation well, you must post photos so we can see what all her fuss was about...

[manda0812]

I agree with Betsy, this girl does not deserve to be your BM nor anyone's BM for that matter..

[BillysBride]

Thanks for the back up ladies. Oh, and I forgot. Wanna know the kicker? She calls me right back Saturday night and says "Well, are you busy tomorrow? we can try for tomorrow." I'm thinking, ok..redemption time. Well, she DID IT AGAIN. Didn't call yesterday, didn't show.

 

There is a word I'm thinking of...but I won't use it. But here's a close duplication.

 

@#*% her!

[boscobel]

Betsy hit the nail on the head. (Did I really just say that?) This girl needs to be asked to step down. She sounds very rude and selfish and you are way more then accomodating.

[Dez921714]

WOW!

 

At first I was understanding, but this is rediculous (sp?) Has she always been like this?

 

You have every right to be upset with her and ask her to step down as MOH. She is WAY selfish.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this

 

It sounds like you're a better friend to her than she is to you. Hang in there! Let us know what happens.

[DanielleNDerek]

I think she has no right to pass judgement on a dress you picked out when she hasn't even tried it on yet. I think she should go with you to try it on, and than you can decide if she looks nice in it or not.

[Bride010101]

Wow... I'm so sorry. I tried to be understanding after your first post and think it was just maybe a dress issue. But to blow off shopping not once, but twice is ridiculous!

 

I think you have every right to have her step down from being MoH. Easier said than done though. Wishing you luck either way!