BM is making me crazy...LONG

[Yari]

Definitely have a chat with her. There could be something bothering her, but she doesn't want to let you know.

 

I had BM issues too. In the end they didn't want to bother me with details and instead held it in. Since I am good friends with them I could tell something was up. That led to hurt feelings and really pissed me off. It all got taken care of with a phone call and some crying.

 

Good luck!

[BarefootBride]

She sounds like she doesnt plan on making your wedding her priority. I would just do her a favor and drop her as a BM. It will make you feel better in the long run. There is nothiing wrong with having your friends be a spectator in your wedding. You will still have fun together in Jamaica.

I can say that it was really great of her to book. That lets you knwo that she has every intentions on being at your wedding. But being IN your wedding requires more work that she might not be willing to do and probably is too embarassed to say so.

[BrittneyD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Opice34 It kind of reminds me a of me a bit, but I never ditched my friends like your BM seems to be doing. But most of my friends started having babies about 5 years ago, and I was so far from that place. I couldn't even go visit them at the hospital when they had the babies. It just made me feel like I couldn't breathe. Don't get me wrong, I was there for them, I bought them baby gifts, I went by their houses to meet their babies. But I was completely freaked out by it...to the point where it felt like I was having an anxiety attack. It was worse when one of my free-spirited, travel-around-the-world friends told me that she was having a baby. It just brought up a lot of self-reflection and I couldn't figure out why all of my friends were ready for that stage of life and I wasn't. At all. It took me a long time to realize that it was okay for me to reach that stage on my own time and that it was okay to not want the same things other people my age wanted. I didn't ditch them, and I helped them out when I could - I love them all very much - but I was completely having an internal freakout during that period. And looking back, I really regret not going to visit them at the hospital after the birth. Her behavior probably has nothing to do with you. She may just be working through her own stuff. Different people reach different phases of life at different times and it sounds like she's just a little behind you. Don't count her out yet. I've now caught up with my friends and we are all in a very similiar stage now. I just had a lot of traveling to get out of my system first. I do hope she can put her own feelings aside and realize that even if she's not ready, you are, and she should be there for you during this time. Part of friendship is accepting who we are and where we are in life and supporting each other through it all. I hope she comes around and does that for you...

Thanks so much! This really helps to put a lot of things is perspective. I have always respected that she is in a different place than me, but I never really thought of how where I am may look like and feel like to her. I hope that things turn around. I am going to see what happens this week, and then sit down to talk about everything. Thanks again!

[starchild]

You can try talking to her but I wouldn't try too hard and if she's making it difficult then drop her. This may be the one time in life when you aren't "supposed to" cater to other people's personal problems, they should be concerned about you or at least mature enough to talk out what is really going on.

 

I had minor BM issues so I understand the frustration, but in the end you need to shake off the dead weight. Don't feel bad for wanting to surround yourself with positive and happy people. Good luck )

[Hartyt509]

I feel for you I really do. I'm not having any BM's but my best friend is turning into a pain in the ass!

 

I have been there for her through thick and thin and taken a lot of crap that most people wouldn't put up with, and havent a lot of her mates dumped her because she can be so nasty.

 

So when I said I was going to get married in May 09 and asked her to be a witness she said yes straight away I thought great!! then it started lol when are u thinking of because I can't take my kids out of school - The oldest will be 7 when we get married and the youngest 3!! so then her husband started and said well half term would be better for us! Then it was but it is the oldest one's birthday in May can you avoid that time because it might be tricky!

 

In the end I said look I'm not getting married in half term, I am limited on the dates because my FI is in the forces and will be posted somewhere v hot in the June. So if my plans don't sort yours sorry but that isn't my problem!! I'd love to see you there if you can't make it shame.

 

In reality I will be gutted if she doesn't even make the effort to come and it probably will end the friendship we have, but I refuse to be held to ransom by someone that likes to take but not give anything back lol

 

So in short, if she can't make the effort or at least tell you how she feels, back off, cut her out of being a BM and let her deal with it. Life is too short to deal with your own problems let alone someone else's that doesn't give a rats ass about you lol

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hartyt509 In reality I will be gutted if she doesn't even make the effort to come and it probably will end the friendship we have, but I refuse to be held to ransom by someone that likes to take but not give anything back lol So in short, if she can't make the effort or at least tell you how she feels, back off, cut her out of being a BM and let her deal with it. Life is too short to deal with your own problems let alone someone else's that doesn't give a rats ass about you lol

Amen to that!

[becks]

Seems to me that you need to just sit down with her one-on-one and explain to her that you're getting the sense that being a bridesmaid isn't something she's able to take on right now and let her know that if she wants to change her mind, you can find another role for her in the wedding. Let her be in charge of the guest book. No accusations, no reprimands.

 

 

Tell her you know it's a lot of work, expense, etc., and that for a lot of people being a bridesmaid isn't always comfortable. Make it easy for her to back out, because it sounds like that's what you really want - to have her not be a bridesmaid and still maintain your friendship.

[BrittneyD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by becks Seems to me that you need to just sit down with her one-on-one and explain to her that you're getting the sense that being a bridesmaid isn't something she's able to take on right now and let her know that if she wants to change her mind, you can find another role for her in the wedding. Let her be in charge of the guest book. No accusations, no reprimands. Tell her you know it's a lot of work, expense, etc., and that for a lot of people being a bridesmaid isn't always comfortable. Make it easy for her to back out, because it sounds like that's what you really want - to have her not be a bridesmaid and still maintain your friendship.

I really do want her to be my bridesmaid. Growing up whenever I would think about my wedding, it always included her. I really am not expecting much from my bridesmaids. I am extremely anal, and with most things I prefer to get things done on my own. There is not a whole lot left to do anyway. I just wanted to have all my special girls stand up with me at the wedding. I am being extremely flexible with all my girls. I just want to see a little effort. That being said, if she doesn't come through at all this week, I am definetly giong to have to reevaluate everything. I don't want a bridesmaid that doesn't care.

[BrittneyD]

Well things are definetly looking up. My BM came to look at dresses. I called her that day to let her know all th eother girls would be there, and reminded her that everything had to be ordered ASAP because it will take a while for them to come in. I had a meeting, so all my BMs got there before me. FSILs, which are my BMs talked to her about the shower, and got her excited about coming. It was nice that they were there, because I was running short on patience. This was the first time she met them, and I am hoping that her meeting the other special people in my life will help get her more excited about the wedding. Either way, things are definetly better than they were earlier this week.

[Celina]

That's great to hear. Maybe once she got to know the others she feels closer to you and your whole day. That is great news! I am very happy it turned out as well as it did!