Not having an AHR?

[Betsy]

I think you guys just made up my mind! Thank god you all feel this way - our situation is this - DH parents are paying for a reception in his hometown (8 hours away from where we live) SO NICE of them to do and I am super excited - but I wanted to have one closer to here also for my family/friends. DH didn't want to because of the expense and because "all the people who wanted to be at our wedding were". I see his point - I just thought it would be fun to have another party here! Now I am getting stressed out about finding a location, planning it, paying for it, the list goes on and on. SO I think I just decided to say forget it! YAY! No more stress! Ok sorry I am rambling now but thanks!

[Kat81]

Yeah, you had your wedding you had your reception, those that didn't come aren't expecting anything at all so fooey on them! Just more money spent. If you just want to have a backyard bbq to show off pics and such that is the way to go IMO

[jajajaja]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat81 Yeah, you had your wedding you had your reception, those that didn't come aren't expecting anything at all so fooey on them! Just more money spent. If you just want to have a backyard bbq to show off pics and such that is the way to go IMO

Amen! We are just having a bbq in the backyard- as soon as we get our yard in-hehe. We debated on doing something fun- like renting a house on a lake and taking our boat there and having a big old bbq event. That turned into nearly $1k so I canned it. DH is still bummed, but I told him BBQ in the backyard is much better anyways. I don't want the stress, the planning and the wasted money!

[EricaG]

We will be having an AHR and have always known we would, as most of my FI family doesn't have a lot of $, and we knew there would be a good chance that very few if any could come to our DW. We don't want to leave his family out, but we also don't want to have change our wedding plans to fit everyone else. As for the planning, I am trying to get everything done for the DW while also getting this arranged and done for the AHR. Then when we get back from the DW, there is very little left to do. I actually made a gel candle for the AHR lastnight as a sample, to see how it works with my idea...and it looks good.

On another note, I don't think that it is rude not to have one. Each couple just needs to decide what is important for them and their wedding celebration(s), and what is not.

[FabiLara]

I don't plan on having an AHR myself.... FI is from Canada, I'm from Brazil but live in Northern Ireland.... so having an AHR would defeat the purpo$e of a DW.

 

I'm thinking BBQ at home to show off pics and video will do brilliantly - as well as being a housewarming get-together...

 

[pfeiffla]

We decided not to do one either!  I'm still kind of torn because I know my grandma would love to be there, but she's too old to travel that far now.  But, my FI doesn't want to do one because he says we are having our reception at our wedding!  I agree...but maybe I can get some of the family together this summer for a cookout, but not call it a reception!

[lucy<3woody]

Not doing it!! We have 66 coming to the DW and are doing the whole dinner and dance there.  We told all those who have badgered us about not having ARH 'Well how are we going to celebrate your marriage???!!" that they can just meet us out sometime and buy us a drink. We are also having a videographer, so whoever wants can watch that.

[Jamie5280]

We aren't having one either.  After all of my "friends" said they aren't coming to the wedding, I decided I didn't want to spend all this money for an AHR on people that really weren't a good friend of mine anymore.  I know this sounds sooo selfish, but there are major back stories/stabbing here.  We are spending a good chunk of money on our wedding and if no one wants to come, then that's their deal and their loss.  But I have no desire to have a reception for people, when they show no real interest in our lives now or any interest in our wedding.  We have friends that we totally understand can't come and I am sure we will see them at some other point.  But the hurtful comments about the AHR or lack there of, is reason enough for me not to want to do it. 

 

My grandparents offered to have a cocktail party for us before we leave and I am not even sure I want to do that, except with the people that are going to our wedding!  HA!!!!  I am not bitter at all!!! 

[FabiLara]

I'm also thinking of using the "videographer" excuse....  

[coconoir1908]

We are not having an AHR because of the very same reason we are having a DW wedding.  We know and are actively involved with tons of people, also FI's family is SUPER large.  Even narrowing down those that we are "close" with, seemed to be a major pain and then adding the cost of 200+ people and weighing that against gifts etc.. it just simply wasn't worth it.  We too have people saying "what are you going to do when you get home"  our answer "Furnish the rest of our house." 

 

We sent out 150 STDs and Invites with a turnout of 50 people to date.  For those people we will go all out in Mexico as they have truly sacrificed, planned etc to come and join us.  For those that otherwise couldn't make it including the "I'm coming to y'all wedding" or the "I'm so excited I can't wait to come" but they surely didn't book.. why waste our time or money.  We recognize those that couldn't make it for whatever reason and those persons simply said "I would love to come but I simply can't."  We respect those persons solely because they were honest! 

 

But again, to have an AHR would truly go back to the tug and pull of "who are we inviting"  and for us we said "if we give an AHR why have a DW in the first place"  (That's our rationale.)  To sum it up, we will send out a special thank you gift for those that attended the wedding and for those that otherwise couldn't make it 'we will send a thank you card (I have yet to figure out the wording) but this will card will have a link to our website so that they can view our wedding photos and share in our day that way.