I don't even know what to say...

[becks]

Hi Celina, I'm just getting caught up here...

 

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.

 

I hate to say it, but I know what it's like to have a family member turn on you like that. I had an uncle that did something like that to my parents when I was in college, and with the exception of a few words following my grandfather's death, I haven't spoken with him at all. I think the same is true of all of my immediate family.

 

I think your conclusions and the advice that most of the people are right. You need to cut her out of your life. That sort of unpredictability and negativity just aren't worth it.

 

And suggest that she seek counseling. Do it in a way that doesn't make her feel like she was wrong to be protective of your daughter, but just that her immediate assumption that there was a situation of abuse, and her disinclination to discuss it with you like an adult, makes you think that there might be some things in her life that need to be dealt with and a professional could help.

[Celina]

Thanks guys for the encouragement! I know that my family will say "she is your sister ~ you should forgive her". I just can't see us ever having a relationship. Something inside of her is broken and I can't fix it or become her dormat/whipping post either.

 

My dad and his wife came over yesterday for dinner. Both were in a great mood and it was nice to see them. Before they left I told them that we (my FI and I) wanted to sit down and talk with them next weekend, just us four to discuss some of the wedding plans.

 

I am going to give them the e-mail she sent me so they can read it for themselves. After we meet with them I am going to move forward because then the people it affects most will know what is going on and I can be at peace with it.

 

As I was typing this my dad called me to say they may be going out of town this weekend and he said my sister called him on Saturday and told him what was going on.

 

I regret now not talking to my dad about it yesterday when they were there - I just didn't want to ruin everyones day.

 

I totally expect that from her. To ruin his day too. So he has had two days to sit and absorb only her side of the story. She is such a freakin B**ch.

[Maura]

so what did your dad say

[lucy106]

Oh Celina,

 

I am so sorry for all you are going through. She is turning the happiest time of your life into such a stressful one. Her intentions are so ass backwards it really is sad. She is a very pathetic person and even worse sister. It really does seem like she is jealous of all you have. Has she ever had any counseling? Maybe you could suggest you all go together as a way to get her into counseling. I feel so badly for you and your FI!!

[Betsy]

Celina I just read this post and I am so sorry for your family to be going through this right now. It sounds like you have things figured out for the most part - just know we are here for you.

[Celina]

He was at work and he had to go pretty quickly but he did say that maybe we could meet before they left - like maybe after work or something. I reminded him that FI works nights. I suggested maybe we could talk (Me, him and his wife), but that it would be best is FI was there. My dad said, "yeah you're right. He should be there."

 

So now we are at a pass on trying to figure out when would be a good time because my dad is planning on leaving town on Wednesday right after work.

 

I have to get this out, so maybe I can leave work early tomorrow and we can discuss before my FI goes to work tomorrow. He doesn't go in till 6:30 - so that might work. I'll check with FI and see.

 

My dad seemed okay and cordial with everyone yesterday. One thing that I did think was odd was when I asked him to meet with us this weekend he said "Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Will it be everyone?" I wasn't quite sure what he meant by "everyone", I just said "yeah - us four". Now I think he meant us all. My sis, us and them.

 

I know if it would have been a man who made these accusations - Shawn would have been in jail today for assault if not something more serious.

[JaimeLynne]

Celina, I just read all of this. First off, I am very sorry you are going through all this unfortunate BS. I have a similar situation with my older sister. We also both grew up dealing with very chaotic childhoods. Our Mom was abused in every way possible by her Grandparents and parents. My sister refuses to believe this and is still close with that side of the family. I have cut all ties with them. My sister just thinks my mom was "crazy". Well, awhile back we got into a horrible fight over the phone and all these crazy accusations came out of her against me. I have NO idea where it came from. I've been in counseling since I was 5 and used every bit of knowledge I had learned through that to try and reason with her but there was no reasoning to it. By the end of the conversation I had a panic attack and was dry heaving and couldn't talk - it was horrible. My FI picked up the phone and my sister told him "does she do this often...?" and heavily insinuated that I am crazy (just like my mom). My FI could not believe what she was saying to him.

 

We have not spoken in almost a year since that phone call. I very much so fear that if I were to continue in a relationship with her that she could turn on me as severely as your sister has. She has never seeked counseling for what she went through as a child, which was more than any child should ever have to go through. My family is now at odds. My Grandma says I should smooth things over with her because she is my sister. However, in my heart as sad as it is I think I should cut ties with her. I always thought she would be at my wedding but now I don't know.

 

Of course there is a lot more to this story but I will leave it at that. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one out there dealing with this. I really hope you are able to cut ties with your sister, as painful as it may be... You sound like you are on the right track and I admire the way you are handling the situation.

[Celina]

OMG...I just got this e-mail from her. These are her exact words....Hi,

 

I just wanted to send an email regarding our conversation last week. I hope you thought about what I said and understand my concern.

 

I talked to dad, and I hope that we can talk this through. I did not intend to make you angry or make you fell as if I was judging you, I just wanted to talk with you about my concern.

 

I am sorry if I have said anything to offend you. I hope we can talk soon and that you had a blessed Easter holiday.

 

Love, Rachel

!!! She is a nut job! I could just shake her! We arranged for my dad and his wife to come by tomorrow after work to get it out and over with to them. She is ridiculous.

[Maura]

Celina....ok your sister is totally nuts just like my mom and jaime's sister. WTF. that email just proves how crazy she really is. she is approaching this whole thing like she did NOTHING wrong!!!!! i am getting so angry just thinking about how she could do that to you.

[JaimeLynne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maura Celina....ok your sister is totally nuts just like my mom and jaime's sister. WTF. that email just proves how crazy she really is. she is approaching this whole thing like she did NOTHING wrong!!!!! i am getting so angry just thinking about how she could do that to you.

GAH!! Ditto! My sister does the SAME freaking thing - she just acts like nothing has happened and then tries to play the martyr. I guess that is how they make everything seem "ok" in their minds...

Celina, I hope things go well with your Dad and his wife tomorrow and that they are understanding of your side/point of view.