Do you ever feel like it's just not worth it?

[Celina]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JUSTUSTWO As you can see, you aren't alone! I think that with most big events in our lives, there comes some stress. I too have had the same issues, people who rsvp'd yes & then backed out, family members who complained about the location not being "conveinent for them", family & lifelong friends who aren't coming for various reasons. At 1 point, FI & I were even considering changing our DW from Jamaica to Vegas, just to please our families who were complaining about going to scary/unsafe/too far away Jamaica! We were all ready to cancel & rebook!!!! The bottom line is that you can't please everyone & no matter what you do, someone else is going to complain, the only things/people that should matter are you & FI. As long as you two are doing what you want, how you want, where you want, then no one else matters. It took me venting to BDW to figure that out. So at a time, I didn't feel like it was worth it & was depressed/discouraged. I got through it & now I'm excited & grateful for those who are making the sacrifice to join us. You will get through this too.

I agree with Yolanda above. Remember you are not alone and in the end it boils down to you and your FI doing what you want because it is your day.

Don't get discouraged. There will be many bumps in the road, just remember you have us at BDW to share it with you and lend an encouraging ear!

Take a break from planning for a couple of days and go back to it later on. Sometimes that helps.

Take care!
Celina

[starchild]

These feelings happen to most of us who are honest. I was a cool, calm bride and even I had a moment where I started to lose it and wanted to call people cursing...lol (I didn't btw thanks to DH) Don't worry about his parents not staying with you. You'll still see each other and in the end it won't matter. The main thing is that they are making the trip, let people stay where they want. Family and friends will let you down consistently through this process. Some people just plain can't go. For others, part of it is that they are good people but not as into you as you are, part of it is true colors coming to light. It is quite the learning experience and feelings can get hurt

 

Trust me, I could tell you stories about last minute back-outs, people whose names were on the programs & weren't there, and liars in general. I could also tell you stories about people who pinched their pennies to be there and have continued to be our strongest supporters. Do what you want, and if the to-dos are too much then do away with them. Decorations are fun but anything causing stress isn't worth it IMO. Nobody will know or remember how much work/$ you put into them but they will remember if the bride was a stressed mess! Let all the extras go and see how you feel...it's very liberating.

 

Focus on the reason you are going - which is to marry the love of your life. Everything - and everyone - else is extra

[LadyP]

Youre not alone it will all work itself out in the long run. Your grandparents would have had to fly either way. Atleast now they can have fun on the beach watching everyone run and enjoying themselves. Ok your family is not staying where you are staying so now when you and your NH want alone time you wont be bothered with running in to them. there is a bright to everything JUST BREATHE.

 

I am sorry that you are going through this and I know that it will work itself out

[LadyCheese]

I too have gone through my periods where I want to scrap the whole DW idea and elope. But I know if I do that I will regret it forever, thats just me. In the end all that matters is that you and your FI are there exchanging vows & declaring your love for one another. We went from a large group of people excited for us & "they cant wait for the trip" to only a handful of people who have actually booked & a few other handfuls with a long-list of excuses as to why they may not be able to attend now. 95% of my family is not even attending, sure it hurts but I cannot please everyone. Best of luck to you. Keep your head up...You can weather the storm...everything will fall into place.

[tvt]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lambert13 All that will matter after all is said and done is being married to the one you love and spending time with friends and family. Decorations, OOT crap, arches, logos, centerpieces, and all that other stuff is secondary. Nobody will come away from there talking about the place settings....they will be talking about the happily married couple. Don't sweat the small stuff and pay attention to the things that really matter.

Nicely put!

I was once where you are too. It will pass! LIke Jason said, just focus on the big picutre, it's what matters most

[DanielleNDerek]

I've gone from 68 definate people to only 32 booked.

My grandparents were definately going and now my grandfather hasn't been feeling well so now they are most likely NOT going.

And i'm sure picking out decorations, todos, and money would probably be a lot worse if you were getting married locally. At least where I live I would have a lot more decisions to make and need a lot more money to spend.

There were a lot of days that fi and I weren't talking to family members and friends, even each other due to wedding planning disagreements. But things have gotten better and I think my wedding day will be so worth the hassle. I figure if I was getting married locally there would be a lot more hassles. And you always have us bdw girls to vent and ask questions to and advice from. Your not alone!

[BarefootBride]

Why dont you take some time away from wedding "stuff"? At least a week. There is no need to stress yourself or be stressed around your test taking probably stressed out too FI. Relax. I can assure you that an at home wedding is MUCH more work and stress than a DW.

It does appear that you really want alot of people to go since your are funding so much! If logistics are a problem, I would suggest having a AHR so that the grandparents and family and friends who dont make it, can.

Since you are funding your inlaws trip, would you mind just booking it at your location? It seems much easier and well... it's essentially a free trip for them.

I know you really want to please everyone but its time to step away from the ceremony wedding stuff and focus on what this is really about - You and Your husband. Make sure you two are taken care of first. I hate to see someone stressed out about 1 day of their life. Sometimes I get in this mode and I just have to walk away from it all.

[lyrebard]

Thanks, guys. I think today was just especially hard and lonely, for some reason, made even harder and lonelier by sad news of illnesses and our favorite people hurting.

 

To answer the question that many have asked (why would his parents stay somewhere else if we're the ones paying): They don't really have the money to pay for plane tickets and pricey hotels, as they just went into debt for one of their daughters' weddings. Because we decided to go to Mexico, we decided that those who were most important to us should be there no matter what, which is why we're paying for both his parents and my grandparents. His parents keep trying to insist on paying for the hotel even though we know they can't afford it. So we told them that if they stay at our hotel (non-AI, really sweet, pretty inexpensive) we can pay for them to stay the whole week. If they decide to stay somewhere else, we can only pay for a few days of it and the rest is up to them. But either way, we want them to have a much-deserved vacation. (The last time they had a real vacation was probably 10 years ago.) Wow, long explanation, but there you go.

 

I've been pretty calm and blasé about it all up to this point, not in the least because we have much bigger life changes that we're dealing with (like not knowing what city we'll be moving to the week before or after the wedding!). But I guess I've gotten sucked into the planning minutiae without realizing it! lol. I really like the idea of putting together bags of goodies to thank our guests for coming so far. I like the idea of doing this, ultimately. I do. But I think I'll like it more again once I've had a break from it.

 

Taking a few days away from planning is a really, really good idea. I hereby swear off planning blogs, to-do lists, internet browsing, maybe even BDW (no offense!) for at least two to three days. =)

[DanielleNDerek]

Take a break if you need, I know I took a break from planning (not bdw I'm addicted) but I felt a lot better after a few weeks of no planning. I hope you can let go of some of your stress during your planning-break.

[MrsTrussell2B]

THank God I found this thread! Everyday i feel like this isnt worth it! People complain about everything! First it was why am i going away? Then they had a problem with the date. Then they had a problem with my hotel. Now its complaints about the TA! It never ends. I wish i could uninvite everyone and just elope. Plus i know it will only be worse when we get there and my family thinks it is my job to entertain them for the entire week. I thought this would be very low stress but i find myself trying to please everyone and now it is no longer fun.