My Mom is Ticking Me Off!

[MissyR]

My mom has a second personality which has emerged. Everything I tell her the response is "whatever you two want" with that "I don't approve attitude" - I told her that my FMIL wants to throw me a shower in Alberta (in addition to the one my MOH and aunts are throwing to me) and her response was, "WHY"?

 

WTF? Why? Because I am going to be her first DIL and she has no daughters of her own - get over it!

[jajajaja]

weddings are just an odd time. Personally I would confront her.

 

My mom hasn't been the super excited mom either. Don't get me wrong- she's excited I'm getting married but she hasn't been too big into all the wedding stuff. I always get the "if that's what you want" response. She lives 4 hrs from me and when she came to visit I showed her my dress hanging in the closet. I asked if she wanted me to try it on so she could see it. She was like "no thats ok." I totally didn't get it- but oh well. I don't let it make me less excited.

 

I wouldn't let it get to you. Just keep your excitement and forget all others.

[KarmaB]

Sorry that she is being like this. Something similar happened with my mom and I basically acknowledged it then let her know I didn't appreciate her negative attitude. I took a few days off from talking to her which I'm sure reiterated that she was being negative. Things are ok now, but I've stopped discussing every aspect of the wedding with her. I'm paying for it, she has her ticket and hotel, so as far as I'm concerned she can be surprised like everyone else.

[boscobel]

I was going to say what Jessica said - People get weird around weddings. I think you should talk to her about it, perhaps there is something deeper down bothering her. Like maybe it is upsetting to her that she isn't there with you each step, so participating a little is hard for her? Sorry you are having a rough moment!

[ACDCDCAC]

That sucks, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that!

 

My mom (out of NO where, and who is my bestest friend, hands down) one day freaked out at me saying things about I am close with Doug's mom (who is a major over-achiever and loves to take control of things, like its HER wedding! but in a friendly way) and maybe I should ask her, blah blah blah, how Doug's mom is doing so much for the wedding, maybe Doug's mom knows...

 

I realized that for whatever reason she was feeling over-emotional about the whole wedding thing and it just manifested itself in that form of jealousy. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say to her! I apologized profusley even tho I had no clue what I was really apologizing for, and the next day I started to give her little tasks, things that she could help with and stuff to make her feel like she was contributing more than just $$.

 

I've actually used this tip on a few people involved, asking them to do something or find something that I need, including Doug! I think everyone wants to be involved in any way, and we just need to find something they can do to make them feel lke they are needed, even if they are far away from us. It worked with my mom, and now she is totally into the whole thing, she likes knowing that she is helping and it amkes her feel more involved.

 

Good luck!

[DanielleNDerek]

Must be something about weddings that's makes people act funny. My normally supportive mom has been a pain in the ass a few times during the planning process. she's been better lately, hopefully your mom will come around too.

[becks]

So, I called mom last night. Told her I felt like she was lukewarm on many of the wedding things and asked her what I could do to involve her more or if there was anything bothering her.

 

Her answer was that everything was fine, and that she didn't need to be more involved. Then she told me some story about the dog and said she had to run.

 

I am so calling her tomorrow morning and making her talk to me!!!!

[Yari]

Quote:

Originally Posted by becks So, I called mom last night. Told her I felt like she was lukewarm on many of the wedding things and asked her what I could do to involve her more or if there was anything bothering her. Her answer was that everything was fine, and that she didn't need to be more involved. Then she told me some story about the dog and said she had to run. I am so calling her tomorrow morning and making her talk to me!!!!

Is there anyway you can talk to her in person?

[Maura]

rebecca, whenever your mom is annoying you and being lukewarm, just remember the stories i told you about my mom. your mom will seem like an angel when compared haha. but i know what you are saying. and people are right, weddings (and other life changing events like funerals, having kids, etc) can bring out the weirdness in people, especially family. i suggest you follow the advice you gave me over dinner: you cant please everyone all the time, especially not your parents, so you instead need to focus on pleasing yourself and your FI because ultimately it is your wedding and they are your memories that you have to live with.

[Maura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari Is there anyway you can talk to her in person?

her mom lives in seattle, becca lives in NYC