Opt out of reception?

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twelve_piece Morgan- I think having dinner after the ceremony is a reception. I just think it would be weird to have a ceremony, take pics, then tell your guests" ok that was fun, we are going to do consummate our marriage, see ya tomorrow!" And I totally agree that it makes no sense to go into debt over a wedding. Not this applies to anyone on BDW, but more than 50% of marriages end in divorce in the first 2 years and I bet a lot of those people end up still paying for a wedding long after the divorce!

the original poster said she was going to have dinner in a hotel restaurant & not pay for a private reception. Other posters said they felt it needs to be private.

So I thought this was about having a private reception vs enjoying what the hotel has for free.
I don't think she was saying she'd have the ceremony & then head straight to her room.

[LCBride2007]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan thought of another point (again, not angry just full of oinions)

it took me a second to realize you were saying you were full of opinions, not onions. subtle difference a little letter can make! lol

sorry - just had to point that out.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnR it took me a second to realize you were saying you were full of opinions, not onions. subtle difference a little letter can make! lol sorry - just had to point that out.

fixed it so I don't confuse anyone else.

Why do we care if she has bad breath?

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amyh IMHO, if I went to a DW that didn't have some sort of reception/gathering/party, I'd be a little annoyed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by twelve_piece IMHO, if you really just want to have the ceremony then why not just the 2 of you go and get married then have your at home reception and show a video, pics, etc?

I'm surprising myself by agreeing with this line of thinking. You know I'm not one for tradition or doing things to impress/please others so this is weird for me..lol

I went to a wedding in Vegas last year, about 30 people. They sent out formal invitations and everything. After the ceremony was over, the bride says to meet at the Paris buffet. Okay, fine. We get there and the line is super long, we go to the door to say we are with the wedding party and they're like "What?"...we assumed there was a reservation/set-up/something. Nada. Inside we see the couple & their families eating and after standing in line for 25 minutes, we left.

It sucked that we spent 4 hours to get to the wedding and the 15 minute ceremony was it. We actually gave the wedding gift to her brother who passed us in line to use the restroom, saying bring this to Jen and tell her sorry we couldn't get in. I thought it sucked that they didn't at least make reservations somewhere we could all be together, we didn't mind having to pay for ourselves but it was the fact that they pumped up coming to their DW then didn't think past the ceremony.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan Then we'll have dinner in a hotel restaurant. I imagine many guests will head to their rooms after that. We have some older guests who are in bed by 8pm. I know the rest of us can find something to do to have a great time that night. I don't think any of them will look back at our wedding & wish they stayed home because it wasn't worth a trip.

Of course nobody will think it wasn't worth the trip unless you know some evil-ass people, but I think you may underestimate your guests. They are on vacation for starters, so for some people bedtime/routine goes out the window. After dinner is when the party starts imo, and don't be surprised if the people you are expecting to be in bed by 8pm want to hang out.

We had a 68 year old guest attend our reception afterparty that didn't start until 1am. You don't need to frivolously spend money and get fancy centerpieces and all, but having a set place/time to be after dinner may be appreciated by more guests than you realize.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild We had a 68 year old guest attend our reception afterparty that didn't start until 1am. You don't need to frivolously spend money and get fancy centerpieces and all, but having a set place/time to be after dinner may be appreciated by more guests than you realize.

There will be something to do after dinner, it just won't be private. We'll plan it when we get to the hotel. Mike & I won't be heading to our room as soon as dinner is over. We'll probably go to one of the hotel bars that isn't as crowded to hang out. I imagine most people will come with us. But, they might prefer to go to the karaoke bar, the show, to bed, or something else. If there is a hot tub at the hotel that is open at night, I could see us doing that too. My mom loves hot tubs. I'm not sure what we'll do because I have not stayed at this hotel. I plan on talking to some people who have & see what they suggest. We will have a few nights before the wedding to figure it out too.

I understand why it wouldn't be great to travel 4 hours to vegas for a 15 minute ceremony. But, the mexico trip isn't just the one day thing. There will be so much more going on that weekend & lots of time to spend together.

[starchild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan There will be something to do after dinner, it just won't be private. We'll plan it when we get to the hotel. Mike & I won't be heading to our room as soon as dinner is over. We'll probably go to one of the hotel bars that isn't as crowded to hang out. I imagine most people will come with us. But, they might prefer to go to the karaoke bar, the show, to bed, or something else. If there is a hot tub at the hotel that is open at night, I could see us doing that too. My mom loves hot tubs. I'm not sure what we'll do because I have not stayed at this hotel. I plan on talking to some people who have & see what they suggest. We will have a few nights before the wedding to figure it out too. I understand why it wouldn't be great to travel 4 hours to vegas for a 15 minute ceremony. But, the mexico trip isn't just the one day thing. There will be so much more going on that weekend & lots of time to spend together.

Well the Vegas thing was a multi-day vacation too but that's neither here nor there, I see what you're saying. I *think* you want to give your guests the option to do what they want since it's their vacation too. That's the reason I didn't plan a activities for our guests every day they were there, so I get it. I do think that can get carried away.

Our guests were held captive at LC so there were no options other than party with us LOL I'm just thinking your guests may want to spend that time with you after dinner. I know I wouldn't go that far for a wedding only to say "Dinner was great, I'd rather go sing karaoke (or whatever) than hang with you, see ya". But that's me and we're all different which is why there is so much to learn here. (that's my cheesy unity statement ) I'm sure whatever you do (or don't do) fun will be had by all

[jenanmag]

I am also having a party back home the week after the wedding. I have 16 people joining us in Jamaica. We are just doing goody bags, the semi-private and free dinner at Mammee and we are going to do appetizers for our guests after the ceremony. If people are payng their own way to come to your wedding. . .you need to do something special for them

[amyh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan I'm a little confused why people think it shows lack of appreciation for your guests to not have a reception. I feel I am being so considerate of my guests & I know they feel appreciated. I picked a less expensive hotel so their trips wouldn't cost a lot ($650-$800 for flight, hotel, food) I'm making very thoughtful OOT bags I've been providing tons of info so they don't have to do hardly anything to get ready for the trip I've organized 2 optional excursions. We are not paying for the fishing trip, but we are paying for the charter van to take everyone to coba. I know the main thing they appreciate though is my time spent researching the trips. We will have a ceremony which I really think guests will enjoy. Afterwards we'll take a group picture that I will send to everyone. Then we'll have dinner in a hotel restaurant. I imagine many guests will head to their rooms after that. We have some older guests who are in bed by 8pm. I know the rest of us can find something to do to have a great time that night. I really don't think any of our guests will feel shortchanged. They are all so excited about making the trip. I feel very strongly that spending money is not the only way to show people you care & appreciate them. I think people get themselves in trouble by spending money they don't have out of guilt. I'm working with a little budget so i have to work a little harder to say thank you to my guests, but I know it can be done. I don't think any of them will look back at our wedding & wish they stayed home because it wasn't worth a trip. Also, my parents are divorced & it could get a little akward. Letting people have the option to do their own thing might make it more comfortable.

No one is saying you are being inconsiderate. It was my opinion. Our group will not go back to bed, they will want to party. I know my family and the type of weddings we attend. It is an event. You are being very thoughtful, however, I am a little offended when you say I think people get themselves in trouble by spending money they don't have out of guilt.

I am not making oot bags, etc, since we cannot afford it, however, our guests are attending our wedding and I want them to have a great time.

[MelanieS]

The beauty of a DW is that all the rules are thrown out the window. Everyone has different expectations of their perfect wedding and how to carry out those expectations. That's why no two weddings are alike. Our son had a huge church wedding with 400 people attending. Our daughter is having a destination wedding with 20 attending. They will both be wonderful and memorable and right for everyone involved.

[-Kate-]

I had a friend get married on a mountaintop in shorts and hiking boots with just 4 people there. The "reception" was the hike down.

That was their idea of a perfect wedding.

I didn't want that. I wanted more of a traditional reception.

 

There is nothing wrong with either option. Your wedding is just that...yours. You know your guests. My guests expected a reception so I provided one. I wanted it to be private. That is how we got our wedding. If your guests and desires are different, only you know that.