Future MIL driving me NUTS!!!!!

[Jamie_09]

HELP!!! When my FI and I started planning a wedding, we quickly realized if we had one close to home it would be HUGE (and with a huge price tag). When we decided on a DW, i thought it was a huge relief, and we explained to all three sets of parents that we wanted to keep it small- just friends and close family. Everyone agreed, initially. NOW a few months later, my FI step-mother is insisting on a huge reception here after we return from our honeymoon. Thats great, but the only reason they want it is for their "friends" (aka business associates, political allies, etc...) We politely said thanks but no thanks, and now instead they want to throw us a shower. Ok, right? You would think. I got an email "Announcing" her plans for a shower for us, naming a date, time, place, and guest list. NOT ONE PERSON on the guest list do we know!!!!!!I politely explained to the MIL that I do not feel comfortable having a shower with guests that arent invited to the wedding. She responded with fine, it wont be a shower, their throwing us a "party" for their friends to congratulate us. IM SO FRUSTRATED. This has become all about them, not us, and they dont take no for an answer!! What do I do I wanted a DW to avoid all this, and instead, its blowing up in my face!!!!!!!! Help!

[DanielleNDerek]

How does fi feel?

 

I think he has to step in and stand up to his mother.

[Yari]

That really stinks!

 

Is your FMIL paying for the party?

[~Melissa~]

Hmm that's a tough call. I wouldn't want to hurt your MIL's feelings... cuz that would just be a bad spot to be in and not such a good way to be a welcome part of a new family. But what about inviting some of your friends and at least having some people you know at this party? It could be a really good time, you never know. At least they're not talking you out of your DW. And if you really don't want this party to happen I think your FH should talk to his Mom.

[Jamie_09]

Ive tried everything I can think of to politely tell them no thanks, but it doesnt work. They havent offered to pay for anything, which I know they arent obligated to, but at the same time they are MORE then able to, and keep demanding things and havent offered a penny. We went to dinner with them tonight, and my future FIL brought up how their friends are feeling "left out" that we havent included them. Ummm... I dont even know "their friends" and weve only been engaged two months, how are they feeling left out? I just feel like no matter what I do, its not up to their standards, and unless they are in total control, they dont approve. Its an uphill battle!!! And they want to be included in every decision- no matter how small. I guess I should be happy at least they like me! They are just SO overwhelming its nuts.

[Yari]

That is so crazy.

 

She is demanding you have a AHR for her friends and she is not going to foot the bill. This is just wrong.

 

Sorry you have to deal with this.

[CTHawaii14]

OMG. I know where you are coming from. My FMIL is like that as well.

All I can say is good luck. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but then I would be lying. We have been engaged for over 2 years and his mom is still like this.

Good luck and make sure you FI helps you out!

[BarefootBride]

it sounds like FMIL is not going to let up. I noticed that you arent getting married for another year and a half or so. I also read that you've only been engaged for 2 months. It just seem so early to be planning and stressed about your wedding.

My opinion is to let your FMIL throw you a party, show up at least to meet these people. For some reason my parents are like your FMIL - their friends are important to them. They just probably want to show you off and they are extremely proud that their son is getting married. But you shouldn't have to pay a dime for it. I know you really dont want to but would it hurt at all? If so then stand your ground.

[becks]

Ugh. I'm so sorry you're going thru this.

 

Personally, it sounds like this may be one of those things you're just going to have to suck up.

 

But, I'd lay some ground rules - and be firm. Like (a) they throw it, they pay for it; ( short and sweet - a 2-hour cocktail party on a Sunday afternoon; © low key - not at the four seasons ball room, etc. and (d) ONLY one event - have it be fairly close to the wedding date (within a few months), so that it can't be done again tastefully.

 

Just my two cents.

[~Melissa~]

Oh that sucks, i thought they were going to pay for it!! I take it back... get FH to talk to his mama