Am I being unfair? Should I pay?

[andreslove]

Hello,

 

I need everyone's opinion about a situation that's bothering me. Before we decided to do a destination wedding, we had planned a traditional wedding for June 2006. Well, it became so stressful, we had some issues that needed to be resolved, and the guest list was a little over 300 people, so we cancelled our wedding. Originally, I had bridesmaids and they had already ordered their dresses. They put a $100 deposit down on a $200 dress. After we cancelled the original wedding, the bridal store still wanted us to purchase the dresses, so my FH paid for the remaining balances of the dresses and everyone was pleased.

 

Now, we're doing the destination wedding in March 2007 with about 60 people in Mexico (no bridesmaids). The wedding is going to be at the Moon Palace and they will charge anyone who isn't a guest at the resort $75 for a one day pass (it's all-inclusive). Our guests are well aware of this charge. Some people are staying at the resort while others aren't. Well, yesterday my cousin who, in my opinion, doesn't like the whole destination wedding idea or maybe it's Mexico, but nevertheless, she hasn't really been excited or supportive of my wedding, she asked if we would pay her $75 one day pass fee. She hadn't said if she was coming or not but I guess my answer would help her make up her mind. She was one of the original bridesmaids.

 

Her asking me to pay hurt my feelings because I felt as if she didn't really want to go and was just looking for any excuse why she shouldn't. She also said that her taxes for her home were due in March (she doesn't have an escrow account). Just to give you the demographics of my bridesmaids...2 are attorneys, 2 are pharmaceutical sales reps, 1 is marketing manager with MBA, 1 is college professor...I could go on. The only broke person of the crew is my friend who is a student (which we paid her deposit). Did I mention that I too am finishing my MBA? Anyway, my cousin is one of the sales rep and is very successful. She is always traveling! I can think of 3 countries that she's visited this year alone, not mentioning all of the cities in the US.

 

So, basically I just felt like if she really wanted to go she could go. What she didn't know was that we were trying to see if we could afford to pay for everyone anyway and surprise them. But to make it seem as if my answer was the deciding factor of whether or not she would go and that her house taxes could be an issue just irritated the mess out of me. So, should I pay her and others $75 or not because they decided where to stay?

 

Sorry for being so long.

[deleted]

Lenita, this is really hard and I totally understand where you are coming from. Especially given that these people obviously make enough money that $75 doesn't break the bank.

 

However, I think it would make you a gracious host to pay the $75 for anyone staying off property. You can encourage them to stay at the AI, but I guess you can't make them. But I think if you offered to pay it would be like you are being the bigger person and a good host.

 

The bonus is that she can't use the $75 as an excuse not to come. If she simply doesn't want to come, she will have to come up with a better reason than $75! I just think in the end, you will look like the better person. Just my 2 cents. (PS you aren't being unreasonable...it's definitely a tough call)

[A10CalGal]

Lenita,

 

I totally understand your frustration here, but I vote for not letting $75 be a deal breaker for you. Let it go, it will be one less thing for you to worry about. And, you will be the gracious hostess like Janet said. Good luck!

[KristinaM]

I agree with Janet and Christa... $75 dollars would be a terrible reason for someone to not being at your wedding. Who knows what's going on in her head right now or what her intentions were behind bringing it up.. but I would definately offer to pay it and as Janet said- no matter what happens you know that you tried and were the bigger person.

 

I also just think that its a nice thing to do for your guests in general since they are paying for the trip to your wedding in general. You can't force them to stay at your resort and they may have any reason in the world to want to stay somewhere else. But it's a nice gensture to show that you appreciate them coming!

 

Good luck!

[OneLove]

OH geez.. its always something.. I agree with the others.. I think I'd grin and bear it.. and express how important her presense would mean to us, and wouldn't want the $75 to be a deciding factor in her coming.. Also, I think maybe she is just having a moment for some reason, and will probably not take your $75 when it comes down to it.

 

 

OK..so yall think that for everyone that chooses not to stay at the AI, we should pay the fee for the day pass That hadn't dawned on me... and the budget doesn't reflect that scenario....

 

~andrea

[TammyWright]

Lenita,

 

sometimes people do things to be annoying than say outright what is bothering them. in this situation, you may be right, she may just be looking for an excuse not to come but that is her issue and hers alone.

 

we did an AI and it was very annoying when guests talked about staying offsite but we just decided if they did, it was not going to ruin our day and we would pay for the day pass for the wedding and welcome dinner BUT not other things.

 

after everyone saw how much we had planned at the resort most of the guests ended up staying at our resort.

 

i bet this happens to you as well...once they really think about the logistics involved with getting a cab over to your resort for all the events you have planned it might change there mind.

[gkashmira]

I vote pay for the day pass. I know I myself am not really an AI kind of gal and sometimes when going to other people's weddings you do love the people and want to be there for their special day but not maybe pay the extra for AI because we love to go out to eat and explore new places. Anyway when we were considering doing an AI for the wedding (to save $$) we did factor in paying for people's day passes. Even if people aren't acting excited about coming int he end they are paying for airfare, hotel, car rentals, food, drinks, gifts, etc. so payign the $75 for a day pass if a grcious gesture as the hosts.

[SASSYGIRL]

I didn't vote on this one because I have mixed feelings about this one....

I think it would be NICE of you to agree to pay for the day pass but think it was RUDE of her to ask! I can't believe a family member is making a big deal about spending $75 - she could have stayed at your resort if she didn't want to pay for the day pass. And it isn't THAT MUCH MONEY! Tacky if you ask me!

 

I haven't had to deal with this situation yet because our wedding is on the small side (35 people or so) and we are paying for their hotel for 3 nights which everyone has seemed to be greatful for. I didn't want my family to have to spend a ton of $ to go to our wedding but they are going to end up paying for their flights and food/entertainment once they get to Cabo. That will still cost a lot in the end. Especially if they don't all get on the ball and book their tickets - I don't think prices are going to come down!

[andreslove]

Thanks for the replies everyone. We did offer to pay for her. As I mentioned, we were trying to fit the day pass in our budget behind the scenes but to have her ask like that just threw me for a loop. Anyway, I appreciate the feedback.

[JPMO]

So, Lenita you've received plenty of responses but I had to chime in. I voted no since I though about my guests. We only offered one accommidation option, any guest staying off property had to fend for themselves. However, after reading everyone's responses I agree just pay for her. The new problem is what if you can't really afford to pay for everyone else? Make sure she keeps your arrangement under wraps.

 

Good luck!