Another BM question... opinions needed!

[Bride010101]

We are currently working on our wedding party and I'm having some difficulty with my BM...

 

My finance is having his brother as his best man and then two of his good friends and my brother as groomsman, for a total of 4 guys.

 

I am having my best friend as MOH (she called the position years ago ) and my 2 sisters as bridesmaid. I know the numbers don't need to be equal, but when I told my fiance this he thinks it is weird for them not to be. He is giving me pretty much free reign on the wedding details so I don't really want to blow off his opinion on this. I had 2 girls who I was thinking about for my 3rd BM from the beginging (I like the idea of having equal numbers), however don't feel comfortable asking either right now....

 

The first has been very non-commital with everything. First she was talking about possibly becoming pregnant (which I understood) but now is giving some other excuse (a ski trip that same week... don't even get me started on that) that is putting her in the "maybe" category. I love her but don't think I could really depend on her.

 

The second is another close friend who has stated she is for sure going. However, I honestly don't know if its possible... everytime we hang out she complains about her money problems and student loans and house payments. She has been talking about this trip to Florida in March forever and just recently cancelled it due to money. I don't want to ask her to be a BM and pressure her into coming if she can't handle it finanically.

 

Anyways... today one of my best friends from high school called to congratulate me. (She just got my STD). I havne't seen/talked to her since my 21st bday a year and a half ago. We didn't have a falling out or anything... just live a few hours away from eachother and drifted apart with our different schedules. I sent her a STD because she had been such a major part of my life and thought it would be fun if she came (but had no clue if she would). When she called today we ended up talking on the phone for over 2 hours catching up and discussing the wedding... and have planned to meet up in two weeks to see eachother. She even offered to help with my invites or whatever I needed (shes a graphic designer) ... but was clear that only if I wanted/need it.

 

So I guess here's my question... would it be strange to ask someone to be my BM who I haven't really seen/talked to in 2 years? I don't want to have a 4th girl just for the fact of having equal sides... and in our planning I had never thought of asking this girl (although back in high school I always assumed she would be)... but she was such an important part of my past and when we talked today I swear it was like going back 2 years when we were still best friends. (I can also say I know that she didn't call me today for this reason.) Lastly, if you were her... would it be strange to be asked to be a BM after the rest of the wedding party? (Today when we were on the phone we talked about this whole BM issue).

 

Sorry about the ramble it took to get here... I think I needed to write out what was in my head to figure out what I was thinking... and vent a bit about the first 2 girls! I think I have my answer... but would still be interseted in peoples thoughts/opinions on my two questions (in pink).

[ACDCDCAC]

becky, honestly i would go with the 3rd girl, from HS that you just had the phone call with. i would call her up again and say something like, 'after we talked i just couldnt get it out of my head why i never asked you originally!' explain to her how much her friendship means to you even tho you are not as close as you once were, and let her know that you would very much appreciate it if she would be in your wedding party.

personally, i wouldn't be offended if someone asked me this way. i understand that everyone's got something different going on and esp. with a DW you can't always plan on everything working out. hopefully she'll think that way too good luck! let us know what you decide to do.

[Spazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DougsGirl becky, honestly i would go with the 3rd girl, from HS that you just had the phone call with. i would call her up again and say something like, 'after we talked i just couldnt get it out of my head why i never asked you originally!' explain to her how much her friendship means to you even tho you are not as close as you once were, and let her know that you would very much appreciate it if she would be in your wedding party. personally, i wouldn't be offended if someone asked me this way. i understand that everyone's got something different going on and esp. with a DW you can't always plan on everything working out. hopefully she'll think that way too good luck! let us know what you decide to do.

I couldn't have said it better myself! I think you should definitely ask the 3rd girl.

[becks]

Its and easy answer. Go with option #3. The others aren't viable, you've already discussed the dilemma with your old friend.

 

Call her and ask her. She'll be thrilled and it will be an opportunity to really reconnect and establish those old bonds.

[Agape Gems]

I say ask the 3rd if you really want her to be in the wedding, regardless of making the numbers equal. I'm sure she would be honored