Opinon about a possible bridesmaid. Help!

[FutureMrs.L]

I am looking for your opinions about this one. Through your before, I have decided that I am going to ask my good friends to be in my wedding as well as my sister, cousin, and his sister, plus 3 of my best friends. I have a question about a possible 4th? Be honest here. This girl, Bethany, was one of my best friends. Between her, myself, and 2 of the other girls I would ask, we have also been a tight circle of friends for about 8 years. About 1 1/2 years ago, Bethany and I had a huge falling out. We started started to patch things up this past Sept. It has not been completely back on track yet, but this weekend really made me start thinking about asking her as well. We went out for my birthday and she gave me a nice gift (which I totally was not expecting because we are not 100% back to normal yet). So, I go back and forth with asking her. At one time we were such best friends until that falling-out (alcohol induced). It would feel very odd to me to have the other 2 girls and not her in the wedding. What would you guys do? Would you ask her or not. If I do, it would put me at 7 people, which I don't mind. I am really torn here. She at one time meant so much to me and the year and half we were not speaking was tough and I did miss her.

[DanielleNDerek]

I would ask her if I was in your situation. Even though things may still feel a little strange now, that feeling will pass. Do you feel like you want to be as close as you were before the falling out?

 

When is your wedding? Is this something you can wait a few months to ask her, just to see how things go.

[jajajaja]

Wow. I think that's a really hard decision that I think only you can truly answer. It's hard for anyone else to say what a person means to you and what hopes you have for your relationship to continue to deepen.

 

I will say that as I get older, I can only say that I really miss some of the friends that I have lost contact with. Some have been through huge falling outs (like stealing from me) but I still miss the friendship I once had. If you are able to repair a friendship and feel good about doing so then do it!

 

One of my friends got married this last summer and I used to be REALLY close to her. We had graduated from college and lost contact. She had remained in contact with 2 other girls that I was also really close with. They were in her wedding and I wasn't. It was really hard to go to the wedding. I felt like I had missed out on so much and it made me feel even worse because I suddenly realized I was no longer an important person in her life. It was really hard. I'm sure your friend doesn't expect to be IN your wedding, but if she goes to it, I'm sure it will be really hard for her too.

 

If you really want your friendship to blossom again, why not give it a shot? Especially if the reason you all had a falling out is a silly reason now.

[amandalovesryan]

i would ask her. i think, anyway.

if it was an alcohol induced falling out, than that is different from a normal falling out, you know? I am only having my sis, his sis, and my sis-in-law in my wedding but i have 2 friends that i would love to ask but i want to keep it small. since you are having the other 2 girls that you used to run with than i think you should invite her.

[Copita]

Make a pro/con list. If you want her in your wedding, ask her.

if you feel you still are not close enough, do not do it.

[FutureMrs.L]

Thanks for your opinions so far. It has been helpful. I would like things to go back to the way they used to be. Rachel, I like the point you made about how you felt in your situation. That really made me start to think. Danielle, your right, I do still have time. I am not asking anyone until the spring, so I do still have time. I am just one of the people that when I have something like this on my mind it eats away at me until I figure it out.

[lucy106]

It sounds like you would've asked her without a doubt before this blow up? My feeling is life it too short to hold grudges so since it sounds like things are getting back on track I think it would be a very nice gesture to ask her. If you are going to invite her to the wedding anyway why not show her you are serious about your friendship and really did miss her? She must be important enough in your life that you are making an attempt to mend the injured friendship.

[becks]

I say go for it. You've got some time to test how the reconciliation goes, but it sounds like you really want to put things back on track. What a better way to make that happen than to ask her to be a part of your wedding? It will show her that she's important to you and go a long way toward repairing any damage.

 

And worst case, you've got six other bridesmaids to get things done if she doesn't jump in with as much enthusiasm as you'd like.

[Copita]

I still say to wait a little bit before asking her. I am sure you will make the perfect decision. Congrats!