TandAGetHitched

*Update* - we are 2 weeks from the booking deadline and we’ve heard from all but 5 people. We have 54 adults and 9 children RSVP – 63 total! It’s amazing so many friends and family are able and willing to travel for our day – we feel so blessed and loved!

Why not another planning thread? We have just over 6 months to go and things are really started to fall into place, so I figured it’s about time to share our experiences and ideas and pay-it-forward like so many other planning threads have done for us! (btw – thank you to everyone who shares ideas/deals/photos – it’s all so helpful!) T&A T and I met at a post-work happy hour. I had just joined the company a few months prior and a coworker invited me to join the Friday happy hour crew. We chatted at happy hour every week for a few months, when I finally accepted his offer to take me out. That was over 5 years ago! We still work for the same company; T is an engineer and I am in marketing and we kept our relationship very quiet until we got engaged – hard to hide the ring! We adopted two fur-babies, Kona & Harley. They are the center of our worlds J Will you be my wife? T and I love to take vacations to Mexico or the Caribbean in December. We go every winter. Last October I was feeling really overwhelmed with schoolwork (working on my MBA) and work and decided to book a vacation for December. We ended up back at Iberostar Grand in Punta Cana – it is our favorite resort (highly recommend)! We flew out Thursday morning, the day after my last class for the semester. I was super annoyed that T was carrying on instead of checking his bag; he always checks so I have extra room for shoes in his bag. Anyways we arrive and enjoy your first few days at back at the resort. We ran into a friend whom we met 2 years ago the same resort! On our second night, we met friends in the lobby for a drink and after they went off for dinner, T suggested a walk on the beach before our reservation. We walked the beach every night around dinner, so it wasn’t weird. I was again annoyed because I had on wedges and didn’t really want to take them off to walk in the sand. As we approached the beach I got this gut feeling “oh sh*t, he’s going to propose!” I slide off my shoes and we walked the moonlight beach for a few moments before he stopped, dropped to one knee and asked me to be his wife! J We headed back to the lobby to get a bottle of champagne and he made a stop at restaurant to tell our friends, who actually had champagne waiting for us because T had let them in on the plans. We spent the next 6 days in paradise. We didn’t tell anyone until we got home. We got home 2 days before Christmas and would be seeing the families over the holiday – I wanted to tell them in person rather than over the phone. Both our families were over the moon excited! He picked out the ring all on his own just a few weeks before we left. He didn’t want to check a bag because the ring was in his luggage. He was super worried about losing it! It’s perfect! DW is the only option My classes were starting in early January, and we wanted to sort out a few details before my time became occupied by school and work. After talking about what was important to each of us and how we want our day to be, it was clear the only option for us was a DW. It fits perfectly with who we are. We’re in our mid-30s, so we’re paying for the shindig on our own. Our friends are all ready for an excuse to take a vacation without their kids and we’re all a bit more financially stable, so DW here we go! The Planning Process The first few months I was super anxious to get things planned. I’m a bit Type A, so the checklists, excel spreadsheets are a bit overkill, but it’s keeping my organized. School was crazy over the spring, so not much wedding planning happened. Summer was a bit more activity as I didn't have classes. We’ve been working with Javier at Lomas and so far, he’s been great, he responds in 3-5 days. Don’t expect daily responses from anyone Lomas – if you accept this early on, it helps alleviate frustrations! I've starting by breaking things down into categories so it was more manageable and less overwhelming. Travel Agent Venue Guest List Invitations / Save The Dates / Website Travel Bridal Attire Groom Attire Bridal Party Attire Rings Ceremony Cocktail Hour Reception Flowers OOT bags & gifts Photographer Pre-wedding Events Miscellaneous One thing I really struggled with was resources for DW planning. Everything I found on Pinterest, Wedding Wire, The Knot, etc didn’t seem to fit with a DW. Thanks to BDW for helping clarifying some things! Otherwise, I’m just making this up as I go. Sharing it to try to give others options and ideas. No two weddings are the same and you should do what works for you and your partner!! Stay tuned to see how the adventures of T&A continue! Travel Agent / Venue We found our wonderful travel agent, Kate’s Travel, via Google search. She’s local and I felt like I was talking to my aunt when we interviewed her. She sent over a few dozen resort options once we described our venue requirements and we ended on Azul Sensatori in Riviera Maya, Mexico. We wanted a resort with both family friend and adult’s only options and something a little more upscale. Our date was a totally random selection. My MBA graduation is end of April and I wanted to wait until I was done with school. June-August is just too hot and hurricane season. Sept-Nov seemed like too long of an engagement – so May. And we had to do early May because our nephews graduate high school in late May. Friday weddings get better perks, so we ended up on Friday, May 11, 2018. (super romantic, right?) HAHA Guest Lists / Initiations The first thing I wanted to do was setup a website. I knew there would be a lot of questions about travel, so I wanted a site they could reference not only for RSVP, but for travel tips. I tried to use a freebie, but I wasn’t able to customize how I wanted. So I bought the domain and built the site on Wordpress. I like that I can see visits and top content too! We sent STDs in late February (15 months before the wedding). We wanted to give our 170 guests plenty of time to plan and budget. I ordered these from Vistaprint – nothing super special. I knew I wanted to custom design our invitations, as I have a lot of experience in graphic design. I worked on these for months and in June, finally printed them. My mom helped me assemble and I mailed them in early July. This is where I struggled – timing! Traditional weddings are 8-10 weeks before the wedding, but our group rate expires November 1 (6 months before), and we had to have final counts to the resort 60 days before… I just couldn’t decide when to send the invites! We invited 170 guests, but many are our elderly family that we knew wouldn’t be able to make the trip. We expected 40-50 guests. I finally gave up and send the invites in July (10 months before wedding, 3.5 months before booking deadline). Turns out – this worked wonders for our guests! Many appreciated the extra time to budget and plan! I know it’s not for everyone, but I couldn’t figure out a better solution. Guests wouldn’t book without the invitation… what worked for us, may not work for everyone else. side note: I actually shared our sending timeline on wedding wire, and several brides attacked me for sending out invitations far too soon – it was bulling via an online forum! I was simply trying to share my experience for another DW bride because I really struggled with this piece. I stay here on BDW – far better sense of support here!

vistaprint all the way!! you can almost always find 40% or 50% of sales too. and they honestly, have some pretty decent out-of-the-box designs, if you're not design savvy. I custom designed our ticket-themed invites and printed via Vistaprint. 100 invitations - 4" x 8" 100 travel info cards - 4" x 8" = $82 (50% off coupon) I did have to buy paper from Michaels for the ticket jacket - $8 for a pack of 150 sheets (50% off coupon) I also had to buy card stock for our luggage-tag RSVP cards - $7 for pack of 200 sheets (50% off coupon) I also had to source envelopes. the ones that came with the order from vistaprint were plain white and I wanted something prettier - $10 for 100 at JoAnn All in, for 100 invites, $107 One thing to think about - postage! we stamped the envelopes with a regular stamp and right before I dropped them in the mail, I had the post office confirm the weight and what would you know - they required extra postage. glad we figured out before I mailed them, but it was a surprise. *have the post office weigh before you stamp*

you'd think that since we've all gone through the "Missing RSVP" phase, that it'd eventually get better... but, #nope. We sent 61 invitations... our older/traditional guests got a postcard to mail back for RSVP, but most guests were asked to RSVP via our website. Our invitations / deadline is a bit early with our wedding being May 11, 2018, but with our TA and our group contract, we have to release any unbooked rooms in our block by November 1, 2017. So guests get the best deal by booking under our contract before November 1. I know our guests - they are all late to everything, so we added a few weeks buffer for the late people! We sent STD in February and sent formal invitations in August, as we wanted to make sure everyone had time to save & plan for the trip... Invites said "RSVP / Book your room by Oct 1". We have 14 invitations (32 people) not respond at all - no room booked, no RSVP - it's like we've been ghosted. I reached out to a few of the slackers, those that had said 'we're in' back in February and now they say 'no' - which is totally fine! I just wanted a response either way. I had to bug my brother and his FI. My soon-to-be SIL was all like "why do you need to know, we'll show up if we can" - WTF? that's how I'm going to respond to their wedding invitation! it's so annoying!!! must be a right-of-passage in all the wedding planning glory.. Keep fighting the good fight ladies!

Check out the Karisma properties in Riviera Maya (a short 15 minute drive from CUN). Most of their properties offer a Sky Terrance ceremony location, which is very private. http://www.karismahotels.com/Destinations/Mexico

ok - a moment of joy... my dress arrived!! (6 weeks early). I went shopping in June and after 5 stores, finally found what I think is the perfect dress for me. It's Mysteria, from More Lee's newest line and I love it. It's not quite as 'beachy' as I was initially looking for, but when I tried it on, I knew the search was over. I picked it up, and it's currently stored in our spare room, as I wait until January to start alterations. I may have to move it to my MOH's house - I keep wanting to re-try it on Just wanted to share some exciting news!

We are getting married at Azul Sensatori

@@fandreolli they are beautiful! I can't wait to see you final bouquet!! I can't believe you got them at Michaels

@@Jess2112 - welcome & congrats! We are also Riviera Maya in May 2018 - have you picked a resort? yes, use a TA - they are super valuable! our TA negotiated our group rates, perks, booking deadlines, and everything to do with our group contract. Our group contract actually has much better rates for our guests than if they book themselves - so they save $$$. Plus, by using a TA and a group contract, usually the bride & groom get some free perks/benefits. some hotels don't give as many perks if all the guests book individually vs. on a group contract. Our TA is booking everyone's hotels. She is also booking flights for some guests, but most are booking flights on their own. it's great - when guests have travel questions - they can go directly to her and she'll give them all the right info. There are a lot of TAs out there - I recommend talking to a few to truly understand the benefits they can bring to you. They'll be a partner to you in the whole planning process! I found our TA through The Knot or one of those sites. good luck!

@@fandreolli - if you click 'reply' and then 'more reply options' - there is an "attach files" option on that page it took me to forever to figure it out!

@@fandreolli - where did you find your 'real touch' flowers?

I'm pretty sure every DW couple has this conversation. We had friends get legally married 10 years in Mexico and they had no issues with getting things translated and their marriage recognize in Minnesota. (they're getting divorced now and the Mexico wedding is not causing any issues). When we picked Mexico, we were fully informed of requirements and added costs (about $1000) to be legally married.Now that guests are booking and the spending is real, we're starting to reconsider. Mainly because it would save us money, we wouldn't have to arrive on Mon for a Friday wedding, no blood tests, no extra fees. the MN license is $150 vs. $1000 in Mexico. It would save us about $2000 total to have a symbolic ceremony in Mexico. So I have very informally socialized this idea with my MOH and one very, very close friend - I joked about about the extra hassle (arriving 3 days early/blood tests/etc) and casually mentioned 'yeah, we're thinking of getting married in MN first'. Both said "I would feel hurt and annoyed if you did that". When I asked them to explain- they said they are spending all this money to go to Mexico to see us get married, they want to participate in the 'real' event. Yes, the legal ceremony in MN is 'just paperwork', but my MOH feels the 'paperwork' is part of the real event. Both said they don't want to go to Mexico to watch a 'vow renewal' a week after we got legally married in MN. This is where I struggle - how does this impact our guests. my FI and I would totally approach the courthouse ceremony as 'paperwork' and totally view Mexico as 'the real event'. But our guests sound like they may be hurt and bothered if we did this. We have 60 guests flying in for the wedding for us, the ceremony is for them too. IDK - we'll probably stick with a legal wedding in Mexico. Or we may get married in MN first, but not change our arrival/departure dates, and just not tell anyone - we'll only save on the license fees and the translation hassles.

@@MrsHallieKay I'm having the same thoughts!!! I thought about going with cupcakes or cake pops, but with our buffet dinner we selected comes with 4 dessert options. my FI is not a sweets person, so he says 'skip the wedding cake'. We were not planning on doing a formal cake-cutting either - it's just not our style. I flip flop on this decision nearly every day - one day I'm okay with no cake, the next, I feel we're missing something without the wedding cake.... Plus, at least at our resort, you can't bring any food from the reception, so we can't even bring the top tier back with us for the "put in the freezer and eat on the first anniversary" tradition. I ask myself - what purpose/value does the wedding cake mean to us, as a couple? let me know what you decide!

I'm interested in hearing thoughts on welcome events (past & future brides)! Our wedding is Friday. Most of our guests arrive on Wednesday, with about 20 arriving on Thursday. We were planning to use the semi-private dinner at Spoon for a Welcome Dinner on Thursday evening. but we have 60 guests and the maximum guests for that semi-private event is 50. (FYI - the maximum guests to keep the semi-private "free" is 40. but the event maximum is 50 ($25/pp after 40 guests) We have a few ideas and I'd love some feedback/past experiences! host event on Thursday and limit the guests invited to 50 (exclude 10 people from the event) and use semi-private (pros - "free", cons - excludes some guests) host event on Wednesday, 20 guests don't arrive until Thurs, so the total would be 40 guests (pros - free, cons - excludes some guests) book a separate cocktail hour - I'm think the S'mores on the beach (pros - intimate and private, cons - adds extra $1000+) plan an informal gathering at one of the other bars - people can come and go as they please (pros - no extra costs, cons - doesn't feel very special) any other ideas/thoughts/concerns? My FI thinks an informal meet up at one of the bars is "just fine". I lean towards a dinner on Wednesday + informal meeting on Thurs THANK YOU!

@@fandreolli - yep, that's very similar to the rate our TA got for us. $1400 for 2 adults for 3 nights is cheaper than if they booked direct on the Azul website, which is currently $1886 for 2 people/3 nights for our wedding dates in May 2018 - https://bookingengine.karismahotels.com/ I think the group rates and sometimes the perks, can depend on the TA status they have with Karisma... (diamond vs. silver) http://www.karismatravelagents.com/SearchReturn_Givc.cfm?country_id=3&state_id=812&wedding_specialist=1&searchGIVC=Search#