ashhtayy

@@jswllms congrats! what day is your wedding? we're June 7th on the sky deck

@@deecol we're all here for you! take it one step at a time. at some point we just need to come to terms with the fact that our parents are who they are, and most times, there is no changing them. i'd love to tell my dad not to embarrass the hell out of me during his speech...but thats him...hes a story teller and loves to be the centre of attention. there is nothing i can say or do that will ever change that; trust me, i've tried for years. at the end of the day, i love him and i know he loves me. he isn't telling these horrifying stories to upset me, he is telling them because to him they are funny and have contributed to the person i am today (wish me luck lol) it is what it is...or so they say. we are extremely lucky to have our parents with us on this very important journey (in whatever capacity that may be). lets just be thankful for that

@@deecol you aren't hijacking the thread. other brides have surely had similar situations and will appreciate to hear how you have dealt with it. they may think they are the only one with a mother that has tried bargaining with their daughter, or made a stink about a decision they've made that is so important to them. get it all out - it helps all of us! this is a day (and a week) to celebrate you and your FI and you should do what truly makes you happy. it is your time to be selfish for once in your life and do what makes you (and your FI) the happiest. i agree 100% that one should not reward bad behaviour. it seems as though you have had to almost take on the motherly role in the relationship between you and your mother. although i can't relate, i commend you for continually being the bigger person. not to contradict myself when i said you should do what makes you happiest, but knowing your mother the way you do, think about how she will react if she does not receive some sort of special "shout out" (in whatever way, shape or form it is)...will she take this out on you on your wedding day or wedding week? would it be easier to throw something tiny in their to appease her and possibly prevent a scene?! i am not proud to say this, and it is something i work on day-in and day-out, but i can be spiteful. i have a problem letting go and not taking things personal. if this was my mother, i would also have a hard time honouring her when she was putting me through so much unnecessary grief, BUT, looking at the big picture, it may be easiest to appease her and save yourself the worry the day and week of.

@@deecol isn't it crazy how each family is so different and so special in their own ways? i really love reading all the different perspectives on this topic and others in this forum. love that your dad calls you every night - that is adorable. i have a really special and different replationship with my dad too. he isn't a big phone guy but when i was in university in london, he would always sneak little calls to me and it seemed as though he wanted to keep them a secret from my mum...keep up the big macho "i don't miss my little girl" routine. he is pretty bad at hiding it sorry to hear about your mums approach on this topic. totally unfair and, in my mind, incredibly selfish. planning a wedding is stressful enough and her selfishness on this topic is surely not helping. i hope she comes around and respects your decision, whatever it may be. see a few posts up from another bride with an idea for a great way to honour your mum during your ceremony. if you did something like that you would be getting the walk with your dad and your mum would get her special moment too. good luck!

@@kcole123 we are flying in two days before our guests and staying 5 days after our guests leave. i'm sad to hear you regret not doing that, but i appreciate you saying you would have. it makes me feel even better about our decision. i was advised by my SIL to go to a different resoort and i opted to not take her advice. i trust that it is great advice, but the thought of packing up and unpacking all over again is what made my FI and i decide to stay in the same spot. i realize the shows etc will be on repeat but because we are so close to Playa, i figured we could do a lot of day trips. can't wait to see your video. update on TA: still...so far so good. fingers.constantly.crossed

@@snswedding2016 love your compromise and that you stuck to your guns re: your dad. all that matters is that you do what makes you and your FI happy @@veryvalentine i'm glad this post helped i was nervous about starting a thread for some reason but i figured i couldn't be the only one in this position...and the only other threads I found about this topic were quite old. i am so happy you had that conversation with your dad and couldn't be happier that he suggested what you had wanted the entire time. perfect! can't wait to see pictures of you, your dad and your sister walking down the aisle. i am going to have a one-on-one conversation with my dad sometime in the next week and make sure i didn't hurt his feelings. i am going to reiterate that although this is mike and i's wedding, it wouldn't be possible without him and my mum and i want to make him happy...make him proud. fingers crossed our conversation has a beautiful ending like yours

@@calgarybride2015 the flights can be crazy expensive. he's from burnaby but most recently lived in victoria for work. his entire family is now in coquitlam. Surprised you didn't ask why he moved here and not me there - I get that question at least once a week lol you're from northern BC, right? think I read that somewhere. terrace?

@@TinkerSofi LOL too bad our parents aren't giving a dowry...we could have used that to party on the sky deck until 1AM without making us go completely broke

@@snswedding2016 i want to go to the BDR so badly. please let us know everything you discover. my FI moved from BC to ON so we could live together after a year and a half of long distance; because of this, all of our vacation time (and travel $) is spent going back to BC a few times a year. i'm not complaining by any means, i am so grateful he came here but i do wish i had just one more week of vacation so that the BDR would be in the cards.

@TinkerSofi my FI knows the feminist in me HATES that saying so he always jokes saying "hey, if you are being given to me, where is my dowry?" he always tells my dad to "show him the money" lol

@@beckys98 i love this forum for so many reasons - one of them being the great ideas you girls give me. walking down with your fiance will be so lovely. one thing my FI is dead set on is no first look. personally, i love the idea and wish i could push him on it, but, theres no chance. doing a first look with your dad is adorable. i am hoping i can do something like that as well as his speech and our dance. love your ideas! thanks for the kind words and the advice.

Thanks for all the feedback ladies. @@acw271011 - re: direct conversation with my father > Although I am open to that and will likely go that route, I know it will be hard for him to come right out and say "I want to be the only one to walk you down the aisle" because all he wants is for me to be happy. Its a tough situation - I'm going to have to really read between the lines here because I don't think he will ever come out and tell me his honest feelings. I have likely made him feel bad for thinking he would be the only one walking me down the aisle...which really, really sucks. To clarify, I am by no means knocking traditions. When I spoke to gender roles within my own family I was only trying to stress the fact that I wasn't brought up in a "typical, old-school" fashion. My girls that have gotten married were walked down the aisle by their fathers because that is what they wanted and I loved it. Each persons situation is different and I respect all the many reasons people make the decisions they do. @@veryvalentine - I'm getting married in 2016, so luckily, I do have time to sort this out. Since I already blurted it out to my parents though, I'd like to do damage control as soon as possible. If you are now thinking that your father may react similar to mine (hurt in his eyes), DON'T blurt it out like I did. Ask him how he envisions your ceremony - this will let you know 100% if its even in his mind that he may not be the only one walking you down the aisle. Randomly while re-shingling the roof last weekend, literally at the top of the roof with the sun beating down, he made a comment about when my mum and him walk me down the aisle...he said it nonchalantly BUT, in hindsight, I feel he was giving me the opportunity to ask him how he feels about it. I didn't take the opportunity @@MissJen3 - re: weddingwire idea > I LOVE IT! my mum would be shy but my egocentric MIL would be in her glory. Hey, its her day too and that is a lovely way to honour her. re: the halfway walk idea > also love this. thank you for both of these suggestions. I think either way I go, weddingwire or halfway walk, I will be making multiple people happy. @@vancouverpetunia & @@TinkerSofi - the idea of being given away drives.me.crazy! I am no where near writing our ceremony script but I can assure you it will not include anything about "giving" me away.

Last week my family and I were chatting about our wedding and I blurted out "well of coarse you'll both be walking me down the aisle". The look on my fathers face literally broke my heart. I felt as if I had told him he couldn't come to my wedding. He quickly remarked "well that's a nice idea - I've never heard of that. It's your day Ash, whatever you'd like". A little background on my family - I grew up in a house without gender roles. My parents raised me to know how to change a tire, cook a meal, re-shingle the roof, sew a button and made sure my brother could do all those things too. I've played hockey since I was three but would show up to the arena wearing a dress. My parents have always shared roles within the house - if the laundry needed washing, my dad would do it; if the hinge came loose, my mum fixed it. There has never, ever been a time where I've be told or shown the women do this and men do this. In my mind, why would I have it any other way? My parents raised me, I want them, together, to walk me down the aisle. I hate the idea of being "given away" - I'm no ones possession. I did not mean to offend my father and am looking for a better way to articulate this to him. I wasn't raised in a "traditional" way, so why would I walk down the aisle in a traditional way? Has anyone else had this conversation with their father? How did it go? Am I over-analyzing this? I've asked my mum if it bothered my dad and she said she didn't know. He also never said anything to my brother. My mum is so shy she'd probably rather just my dad walk me down the aisle but for many different reasons, I feel so strongly about both of them doing this. Help!

I want to order EVERYTHING! Too scared to order anything though because we are so far out and have no idea how many people are coming. Fingers crossed for another sale after everyone's booked

@@jeffandrobyn does your FI have an opinion on this? my concern when dealing with my FIs family is always whether or not it's going to come back on him. I often bite my tongue so he doesn't have to deal with the backlash. Sucks because I keep quiet when I shouldn't but I do it to save him because they won't ever say anything to my face. not knowing the entire situation, I may just have them sit with you. might be easier on you later on knowing you were the bigger person.

@@FutureMrsVanthof like @, i also planned on my guests paying less than what they are being asked to pay. at the end of the day, the price is still reasonable and checked off every "must have" on our list. initially i was set on march break (because of my teacher friends) and anywhere but cuba. the rates i was getting back for "smaller" resorts that met our criteria were astronomical. i couldn't imagine my wedding without two of my best friends there (the teachers), but i also couldnt imagine asking guests to pay $2200+. i talked to my girls and they both said "i will make this work". we are still in the process of having people put down their deposits for our june 2016 wedding and my one teacher friends is able to come saturday through wednesday and my other teacher friend has applied for the days off. anything is possible. i made sure we were getting married at the beginning of our trip so that even if they could only get away for a few days, they could be there with us on the big day. if the rates you get back are much higher than you expect, don't be discouraged...play around with the dates (maybe over a long weekend so the teacher doesn't have to take so many days off?). picking a resort and trying to make everyone happy is SUPER hard...as is getting people to pay their deposit. thats as far as i've gotten in our planning but from what i read on here, these are the two toughest things. good luck!

@@TinkerSofi sorry $15/pp/hour. We asked if we could extend it and they just did it. Other than making our deposits and sending the STDs we have done zero planning. I haven't worked any of he logistics out yet. I think we're booked for ceremony at 4:30, cocktails 5-6:30, ceremony 6:30-10:30 + extending until 1AM.

@@vancouverpetunia my FIs last name is Romeo. Wedding Wire got pretty creative lol Somehow RomTays is so bad that it gave us Taymeos instead. Wow.

@@veryvalentine adorable!

@@victoriasalv our wedding hashtag may be the worst ever lol we combined the beginning of both our last names. my mom is very quiet and rarely speaks her mind but definitely chimed in when I said we were just going to use my fiances last name for it. she said "you know this is both your weddings. you haven't changed your last name yet!" perfect time for her to chime in. That's how we ended up with the worst combo hashtag ever. My two best friends are getting married this summer and the girls and their fiances have the BEST combo names - mc + lemmon and bish + man. My FI and are stuck being the RomTay's lol Can you combine your last names to make anything better than the RomTay's? If so, you're golden

@ you're a lucky lady!!

@@TinkerSofi according to my website builder it's $15/pp. My TA is following up because when we asked the WC she said "yes, we can give you until 1AM" and never mentioned the cost.

@@kcole123 @@tygrrlily I'm just finding this forum now (way too late) and I'm getting nervous. I am using the same TA as you ladies (Kristy we posted about this before). Great comm, actually amazing comm, right from the start but it's booking time now; less than one month to go. I've heard really great things from a few that have booked and one not so great thing from another. I'm hoping it's taking so long to settle this couples booking because it's only 4 days, land only + hotel separately (more difficult?) Fingers crossed your direct emails helped the rest of us brides out for the future (now!). No one needs that added stress and I'm sorry you went through it.

I definitely want to pay for my girls hair and makeup because they are paying to come to my wedding. I have 5 (maybe 6!) bridesmaids so that is going to add up very quickly. I like what @ did by buying other important things for the girls and giving them the option of choosing whether they get their hair and makeup done. Tough decision because none of us are "good" at hair or makeup.