KAT2015

I have no idea about this one - we're doing sit down!! I would think with a buffet the parents can find things for the kids that they will like since there are more options. And you can share the menu with the parents so if the kid may not like ALL the food, they can feed them something from the snack bar before hand?

I know it seems long. But keep in mind that the cocktail hour (which includes snacks) is right after the wedding, so that takes us to about 5pm. Some of my guests are bringing kids, and we wanted to give them time to get them out of the sun, have a nap, clean them up etc. We also didn't want to rush through our photos. In truth - at most resorts you eat your lunch at noon or 1, lie on the beach until 4 or 5, go to your room, clean up, get dressed and have dinner around 7 or 8. So we are still keeping in normal timelines for people's eating and we will have snacks at the cocktail hour. I had a wedding I went to that had an hour or so between the cocktail hour and the dinner (actually probably closer to 2 - I was drinking and didn't notice!) and it worked well. If people want, they can head off to the pool bar, or go back to their rooms for a drink and to cool off. I don't find it is much different than a wedding at home would be. I am going to one in 2 weeks that has the ceremony at 2, and then cocktails at 5, dinner at 6 and dancing probably won't start until 7/8 depending on the speeches and formalities. Most weddings I have gone to have had a break and I like that. Otherwise its a long day in heels. I want to enjoy all parts of my day, including participating in the cocktail hour with my guests (because they won't really seem me all day until then), and making sure I have time for photos (we're flying in a photographer so we want to do all our pics - family, friends etc.) and then making the reception on time because we ONLY can do from 7-10 (the area is only available from 7-10 as it is pool side). I just hate feeling rushed, and I know my mum, my MIL/FIL, and anyone with kids is going to want to head inside to relax before the rest of the festivities get going! Since everyone has a room they can actually relax instead of run in and out of. Although we are debating some type of activity to fill that 2 hour void for people - a game of some sort for example. Something optional where people aren't forced to be at point a, b, c, and d one after another. But you're right - its personal preference and I completely understand what others want to do as well.

I can definitely email it. I have Divine as well (it just makes it easier to read for you because it outlines what is included). I believe you fill it out and it actually generates the cost for you.

@@alwalters625 I have her. I got the spreadsheet pretty quick after booking. But she takes 2-3 days to answer my emails. If you have the same package as me I could send it to you.

Its great that you and your brother are so close! I have a brother as well and he will not really be involved in the big day (mostly his choice - I offered him a few options). However, he did do our engagement photos for us. And yes, sisters do tend to cause more drama than brothers - but then again, I keep in mind that all us brides are ususally sisters to someone

I think that is absolutely fair - and I honestly think it comes down to how you personally feel about that role. For me, I am more than aware that friends come and go. But at the end of the day, its my memories and pictures that last and I can't see any part of my day being worse or incomplete without my sister (and as I said, I want her there right up until after I put my dress on). I don't think of my BMs as friends for life - I have been in a bridal party before for a friend I thought would be my MOH one day and now I'm not even inviting her to the wedding. I just want girls around me that make me happy in that moment, that we can have a laugh and that are supportive. And if 20 years from now all that turns out to be is a fond memory, then I'm ok with that. At the end of the day my sister has a much bigger role in all this than a BM. And the photos, the programs and everything else will reflect that. So in 20 years, I'll remember having my sister there, how much she helped and how much it meant to me. She'll be in pictures, she'll be mentioned in speeches (I might even have her do one), she'll be at the party, she'll be in the front row for the ceremony.... I guess, for me, a BM role isn't a big deal. But what it does invite is having a sister that is a bit attention grabbing, to be standing beside me all day - being in every picture (because that is what she would want), complaining, telling me what I should and shouldn't do. And while I love her, the idea of that happening stresses me out so I have to make the decision the other way. And for her, she thinks of a BM the same as you - regardless of how close we may be or how many fights we get into she wants me up there. And that is her decision, ideas and beliefs. But those beliefs are not mine and should not impact my decision at the end of the day - she can follow her ideas when she gets married! It sounds harsh, but this is not a day to please anyone but me and my FI (who has even said he doesn't really want her in our wedding party because of the drama she can bring to a day). So you're not a drama queen - you just have a different idea of what that place is for!

Hi Sandy - I don't know if you know but a sound system is included in the ceremony. So if you aren't 100% sold on the saxophonist, you can just tell them no thank you and bring your ipod down if there is something else you had in mind

LOVE that dress. I had hoped to do a backless dress as well, but I realized quite quickly that a) they are hard to find in Calgary in my price range and most are sheath which don't necessarily flatter my body! Jealous!

I can definitely understand that as well. I may have some kids at the wedding that are younger too. i figured the parents would want to have a break, give them a nap etc. Ive been to a destination wedding before with a brreak between the ceremony and reception and it was good to grab a few drinks before. But again, personal preference! Both me and my FI hate being rushed so it works for us. In the end its so hard to make these choices! A wedding at 4 would have been perfect for me but it wasnt an option

I was thinking about doing the cozies on the cups to keep the drinks colder. I like the idea of tumblers but have had a hard time with the cost of them. Where did you get them and how much were they? My initial plan was to do the same as you - put some goodies in the cup.

Where did your coworker get the hem and bustle for $120??

I actually went to David's Bridal - I wasn't expecting to buy that day - I just thought they have so many dresses I could get an idea of what I wanted. But then I tried my dress on and that was it for me - everything I wanted. And I found out that they had discontinued that design three days prior, so I couldn't order it if I tried. That was the only one in that size in the store. All those factors (and the fact I LOVE the dress) and it was a done deal. I'm also shopping around for alterations. David's quoted me $170 for a hem - ridiculous because there is a train its only the front that needs it, and the lace might need a lift (its ruched so its like an extra stich/seam to lift it). They also won't take out the crinoline, because its altering the design, which they won't do. The bustle is easy if you aren't going fancy - my mum is just going to do a button and loop for mine (makes sense if you see the back of it). Someone has to be able to hem it for cheaper than $170!

I'm just wondering if any brides on here have done stadium cups instead of acrylic tumblers or bubbas?? How did they go over? I'm considering them and cozies for our gift bags instead of acrylic because of a)cost and packing space. And I am willing to bet most people won't keep any cup when they go home. I guess I'm more worried about the size - they are pretty close to resort sized cups and I always take my cup with me on vacation because it means less trips to the bar! Lol.

My consultant actually encouraged it so I have photos in all dresses I tried on (including the one I bought). And yes, I got outside my budget too - I was hoping to get everything in for under $700 (with alterations) and wound up spending $850 before taxes on the dress alone. BUT aside from some hemming the dress needs nothing. My mum is going to do a simple bustle for me for the train, and take out the crinoline (if I decide to) at the bottom - I don't like poof. But splurging got me an amazing dress with beading and lace and everything I could imagine. Its a lace up back and I have large hips and ribs so I am confident that even with working out it will fit me the day of. Now to find a great push up corset....

This is a great idea - speeches during dinner! I think I would like something like this: 3pm - ceremony on the beach Wine toast 4pm - cocktail hour on beach (with photographer to take photos of couples etc.) 5pm - bride, groom, families etc go to do photos - guests can go back to their rooms to cool off, grab a drink/snack 7pm - reception 710pm - bride and groom enter, first dance right away (love this idea!) 715pm - bride and groom thank you speech 720pm - dinner served - can reserve time for a speech during appetizer, main and dessert or in between (I don't know if we will do speeches) 8pm - dancing begins (I know we will not have father/daughter dance, but mother/son can start it off) 915pm - cut the cake 10pm - formal reception ends - anyone who wants to continue can go to the disco with us!

I am torn about this as well. I visited with a friend recently that is invited to the wedding. She asked about a registry and I told her that we didn't really want to do one because everyone was travelling for the wedding. She said people will still want to get us something, and that her and her husband did as well. I think we may put a registry up on our website, but not include the information in the invites. And we will do so with the disclaimer that their presence is gift enough, and we really encourage people to take the money and put it towards enhancing their holiday. But if they cannot attend and want to send something, or still wish to give us something, we will have a couple (cheap) ideas - I'm thinking like a toaster, maybe a silverware or dinnerware set (not china or real silver, just regular stuff because ours is mismatched), or a new duvet cover set for our room. I thought about the honeymoon registry but because we are just extending our stay by 3 days (will honeymoon in England later on) I have no idea how that would work. I also had the question about my friends throwing me a shower. I have a small group of girlfriends that are invited to the wedding, and would feel wrong asking other people to come to a shower and not a wedding. I may have a small bachelorette party here, but haven't decided. Only because it would be fun to get dressed up, dance and just tell anyone I know to come out and celebrate!! We'll probably do mini-bachelor/bachelorette parties at the resort (so a booze cruise or something for the girls, golf for the guys).

**APPLAUSE** Sometimes it just takes venting it out and having other people speak up to make it clear what you want. I hope you can breathe a sigh of relief now that you have a plan - and here's hoping you move forward with nothing but happiness and FUN in planning your wedding over the next 18 months!

I think for me, I'll probably just tell them to keep the photographer away and just do the video. My photographer will take pictures all day and has an assistant, so I really don't need the resort one. I don't know what your wedding timeline looks like, but they had me booked at 5 for the ceremony and 7 for the reception as well. I actually got them to move it back to a 3pm ceremony on the beach for a couple reasons. 1) The ceremony is from 30-45 min long(ish) followed directly by a toast. So I estimate about 1 hour for ceremony, toast and then any random photos (you know, if people want photos with the couple at the ceremony site etc.) This takes us to 4pm (what would have been 6pm if I did the 5pm wedding) 2) Then there is the cocktail hour on the beach. Its personal preference, but I would like to mingle and have a drink before running off to take photos. So that takes us to 5pm (which would have been 7pm with a 5pm ceremony). 3) The reception starts at 7, so by the time I had a ceremony and a cocktail hour, it would be time for the reception. So I would have had to choose between going to the cocktail hour and losing part of the reception to do photos. Plus, I'm not sure if an hour is long enough to do photos for me. 4) The pool I booked at (the bigger one with the sit down meal option) is only available from 7-10, so if I missed part of the reception, dinner would be delayed, we would have minimal dancing before it was shut down. I want to do dancing with some of our older guests so that they have the option to go to bed if they want and the rest of us can go to the disco. So by having my ceremony at 3pm, I can do the ceremony/toast, cocktail hour (and time to reapply makeup), have up to 2 hours for photos (and guests can go to the pool bar or back to their rooms if they want), and still enjoy the whole reception (and get our first dance/speeches etc all in as well).

I'm having issues in my selection but haven't thought about no BM - I guess I always wanted to have a fun day with my girls before getting married!!! I have issues with my sister (a whole other thread) and haven't decided who will stand with me. Its between 2 and 3 girls right now. But I have already decided that I do want most of my friends to come by and do their hair and make up and have a drink with me before I put my dress on, and then have my family, BMs there when I do put my dress on and go. I mean, its maybe an hour out of the day the BMs are with me when no one else is. And I want those private moments full of support and reassurance (because come on, we will all need to be reassured that we aren't bulging in our dress or something!). I just want those girls that I know, 100%, will be making me laugh and giggle before I head out. But at the end of it all - you can have those things without a bridal party so you have to do what you feel!

I had a bit of this as well - my family has known for a long time I would do a destination wedding. And since we have family and friends in Alberta, Ontario, Texas and England, it only makes sense for everyone to travel. I have put aside some money to assist in my mother's trip if needed, and will use the 'free' rooms with our group bookings to help others. I have enough stress planning a wedding far away I never could have done it here. Besides, my mother has never been on a real vacation since having kids (31 years!) and has never had a chance to go to the Caribbean (and she loves the beach). So by getting married there she is being forced to finally take a vacation! Now they all seem on board - my brother and sister have complained a bit about the cost for a single occupancy, but they have also chosen not to invite a friend or share a room together. So I can't feel bad about that. Good idea!!! I only invited one aunt from my side (my mum's younger sister). I will send invites to the others as to not exclude them but I know they can't afford it and they can't travel for health reasons. My FI has more family on the invite list, but they are all in England so either way they would have had to travel and it is cheaper for them to book a package from the UK to the DR than it is for me to book one from here!!! I guess the English love their holidays (probably because the weather is never great so they actually go away) so its a chance for them to do a great holiday. At the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy. I am not doing pity invites or inviting people that will make my week more difficult than it needs to be (including an old friend that still thinks we are close). What you will remember in 50 years is you, your husband, the laughs, the dancing and whatever winds up in photos.

*that should have been 'hasn't booked yet' not has booked yet.

Ok, so we only got engaged a month ago, and already, big drama. I guess that is what happens with weddings. So, a bit of background - I have a small family and one sister. We've had some family troubles in the past - my father leaving us with no money, getting kicked out of houses etc. etc. And we've gone through these things as a family, but not really 'together'. What I mean is my sister and I are close as sisters but not what I would consider great friends. As much as I love my sister, we are very different. She is a bit self-centred and really enjoys positive attention on her. For example, she expects constant accolades for losing a lot of weight (which was years ago), turns conversations and topics towards herself and her issues, and will not really allow you to be happy if she isn't - but if she is happy and you are having a hard time in life, you still have to be happy for her (think new guy for me, break up for her and vice versa). She was also a BM/MOH at her friends wedding 2 years ago. I watched her complain about her friends decisions (like changing from a yellow dress to a blue dress because the other BMs liked it more - keeping in mind my sister's favourite colour to wear is yellow). She complained that her friend also had a matron of honour (who was horrible in my sisters opinion) and when she got back from the wedding had to tell everyone how much more the other BMs and the families liked her, and her speech, than the matron of honour's(which actually coincidentally echoes what happened to me as a BM at an old friends wedding with a speech). Anyhow - so I get engaged and she chooses that moment to tell me her and her BF are likely breaking up. But, aside from that, she's actually been pretty good about it all and happy - which I partially suspected was because she wanted to be a BM. Here is my major issue - my sister loves attention. And I don't typically want to be the centre of attention (even on my wedding day, it isn't all about me!) But while I don't want everyone fawning over me, I also don't want to have someone beside me that is basking in the glow of attention and has a 'look at me' attitude. I'm scared of the stress and drama of having her beside me all day. So here is what I have done so far - I had only her and my mum come dress shopping with me to make it special (and my sister actually wound up identifying the dress I bought). I've asked her to be with me during the getting ready phase on my wedding day, but to head down to the beach half an hour before the wedding to make sure the set up was done correctly and to run the music - because honestly, I know she knows what I like and she would make sure it was done properly. I've told her all this means more to me than a dress and a 10 min stand beside me - and it does. I have even asked her to sign our official wedding certificate here in Canada before we go. She is my sister, and I love her - and as a sister she already has a special place at the wedding and in the rest of my life. I have never thought of BMs as entitled positions. And my sister would always have been involved in the wedding as family (so still doing pictures, getting prime seating and identified in speeches). And we are doing small wedding parties - so for me to put her up there is to take away someone else I would like to acknowledge as being important to me. I have one friend that I won't put in the wedding party, because her and her husband are our TAs. I will acknowledge everyone separately and with gifts (if appropriate). But through ALL of this, my sister still continues to tell me she is 'hurt', even while admitting she knew I wouldn't ask her (again, I've never been the type to involve family that way because my family is involved in so much else). So what do I do? Just give her the spot to make her happy, even though that isn't what I want? I just hate having to feel bad about my decisions!

This is definitely a tough one - I'm having my own difficulties with the BM situation (see another thread). I'm sure we could all sit her and psychoanalyze - maybe she is jealous? Maybe she is mad about not being MOH? Maybe she has stuff going on at home? But at the end of the day, she isn't supporting you the way you need to be supported. If it were me, I would likely handle it by getting her together for coffee and asking if she is ok in general. Is something going on you don't know about? At the end of the day, you are still friends. But when it comes to the wedding - I would probably tell her that yes, you are at different places in your life. And if she feels that it is best not to stand up with you for that reason (or others), then she can step down but you won't replace her because she isn't replaceable in your life. I would seriously give one groomsmen two bridesmaids to walk with to account for an uneven number. And with all that, let her know that you would still really like to share that day and week with her - maybe it will help you two to reconnect. Then she has no pressure to book the vacation. And if things improve before your wedding (I think its early 2016??) you can offer her back the spot. She knows she will have to pay more. And if it is really that important to YOU, maybe secretly put down the $150 for her to hold that seat as a just in case. All you lose is $150 - and you could even get someone else who has booked yet to take that spot if necessary.

Does anyone know if the witnesses have to be unrelated to you?

I was looking around today and found these ones that I LOVE https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/184526612/plane-wedding-topper-shabby-chic-style?ref=shop_home_active_18 My FI is a pilot and a huge aviation nerd so this is perfect - and a great price!!! That is, if it is in our budget later on - I've already blown the dress budget by a couple hundred so I need to be careful!