jeffandrobyn

This was probably the most stressful part for us - figuring out our guest list, because FI has a very large extended family. We honestly weren't sure where to draw the line so we sat down with his parents. Then his mother suggested that we invite his brother and sister's in-laws and I thought that was ridiculous... the idea was to CUT our list. At the end of the day, since we are paying for the entire thing our families really had no say in it. We took their advice and made our decisions. What we did was tell friends and extended family who were not invited that we would've loved to have them, but we had to keep it extremely small (let them think we invited less people than we did) but that we're having an AHR and look forward to celebrating with them then. I think it was fine. Honestly, at the end of the day you're going to end up insulting someone....in some shape or form. But they'll get over it. You have to do what's best for you.

I will take his last name. I'm just very traditional like that. I know he's really happy that I'm taking it but I think he would've been fine if I didn't. My maiden name and his name both start with L though, so all of the RBL stuff I've already owned can still be used and relevant!

We have two couples staying off property. One couple we are covering and one we are not. I think it really depends on the circumstances. Overall, I think that if guests choose to stay off property then the day pass fee should be on them. If we had other guests staying off property (with the exception of the one couple we are covering) I wouldn't cover extra passes.

Here are my answers: 1. We want to keep it to $3,000-$3,500 tops. We included this in our wedding budget. 2. It will informal. It's a Saturday brunch that is 4 hours. We will not be doing a dance. 3. Our AHR is about 6 weeks after our wedding. 4. Passed hors d'ouvres and a buffet 5. I bought a white dress. It's not a wedding dress of any kind though. My FI will probably wear the tie he wears at our wedding. 6. We made invitations on Vistaprint. They're nice but nothing fancy. 7. We hired a photographer, but he's a guy I work with and is really cheap. 8. A cake is part of the package we bought, but it's not a wedding cake. It's a sheet cake. 9. Our venue has a very victorian, rustic look to it so we've matched that. We will have mason jars with flowers on each table along with a burlap table runner that has lace on it. 10. We will display photos. The venue has a flat screen so we can rotate them, but there won't be any sort of formal presentation. We'll also buy some picture frames and put pictures along the bar.

@@beckys98 I love the birthstone idea! So nice. Do you like the idea of sewing a piece of her dress inside of yours? Then it's like a secret just between the two of you because nobody else sees it. That's the one I'm most excited about doing. I'm sorry to hear her jewelry was stolen. That's terrible

Yes, I spoke to FI about it last night. I feel much better. He said as long as it's not just me and the other two girls in the bridal party at one table then I shouldn't worry about including them there. If it's an entire friends table (which it would be, my other two BP girls and some other friends not in the bridal party) then he feels that's okay to leave them out because for me, they're my family, not my friends and family goes with family. So I'm just going to let my MOH do what she wants. At the end of the day, as long as FI isn't bothered by it, then I won't be either. If it were super important to him that I sit with them, then I would make sure that happened. I don't think they would ruin my happiness, but there's just no chemistry between us. My guess is that it would be me chatting with my other friends and them keeping to themselves and just chatting with one another. Maybe it's just a New York thing, but it's typically tradition to have the bride/groom's siblings in the wedding party. I had no problem inviting his sister in. I would've loved to leave his sister-in-law out though. However, my FI asked his brother-in-law (they're friends) and his brother is his best man. Then I would be asking his sister. So the only one left out would've been the sister-in-law. That would've been a recipe for disaster.

Some of you may recall the issues I have with my future sister-in-laws. One is very controlling of the other and has serious insecurity issues and as a result, we are cordial, but not friends. It's a shame. But they're in the bridal party regardless out of obligation. (and have taken no interest in anything to date) My shower is in a month now and my MOH is in charge of seating for my friends and family while my mother-in-law will do her people. I thought about whether or not to include my sister-in-laws at my table and decided to do the politically correct thing and include them since they're BP. My MOH and I were talking about it today and I said keep the peace and put them with us (she doesn't like them at all b/c of how they treat me like an outcast). She said "nope, i'll take charge. I'll work on it and give your mother-in-law her people." Then I thought about it and figured - let my MIL make the call. If she puts the SILs with her then fine, but if she doesn't then they need to go with me. I don't want to look like the bad guy. So then I tell my MOH that and say that I don't want to face repercussions later on. All I got back was "I'll handle it." and "I'll take care of it." My MOH, while her heart is always in the right place, never cares about doing 'what's right' in general. She does what's best for her and to some degree, I admire that. But in this case, I think it's a matter of doing the right thing. I'm worried that she won't. What do I do? Or.... do I not worry about it at all b/c I'm not the one who arranged the tables at the end of the day.

Unfortunately I'm in the same crappy club as you - lost my mom. Personally, I find ghost chairs depressing and won't do one. It would make me cry. I cut a piece of my mom's wedding dress and am having it sewn to the inside of mine. I also bought one of those teeny picture frames that attach to your bouquet and will put a picture of my mom in there (you can buy them for about $10 on etsy). I also had a diamond pendant of my mom's reset and the first time I wear it will be at our wedding. It's very nice of you to be concerned about your dad's wife but honestly, you should do what's best for you. I'm sure your stepmother understands this is difficult for you and is respectful of your mom. If it were me I'd put the chair right up front. That's where your mom would be sitting.

I'm making them on vistaprint. I am personally not a fan of programs but we are putting stuff on the other side that is important to us and since my fiancé wanted a program too it wasn't a big deal to me.

Unfortunately my MOH/best friend can no longer come to my wedding because of money. I was heartbroken. The other girls in my BP are my fiance's sister and sister in law, neither of which I'm truly friends with and I wanted one of my own friends up there. I explained the situation to another friend - who would've been in the BP had it not been for my fiance's sister and sister in law - and asked if she would step in. She was thrilled. Now my MOH who is not coming is still doing all of the MOH things at home. I kind of feel like she is still MOH even though she won't be there on my wedding day. (I know she can't be MOH and not be there really) but I never talked to my friend who is stepping in about anything besides a dress. My fiancé is saying that I should say something to her about making a speech but I don't know. Isn't it weird to ask her to do that when she's in the BP by default essentially? What do I call her - MOH or BM? It just isn't going to sound right when the DJ calls up the MOH for a speech when the MOH in my head isn't there but then again it is also weird to have a speech come from my fiance's side but not mine. How do I handle?

@@banana2016 ask your travel agent about any promotions being run. We are getting a free welcome reception for up to 50 people. It's an hour long with small bites. After that we plan to head over to one of the restaurants. Or if there isn't a promo, why not have everyone meet at one of the outdoor bars? No food there but if everyone is staying on property you've got an impromptu get together that is free!

@@JaxBchKay Why $2 to move chairs??? That's ridiculous. If you were using regular chairs they would just be set up included in the price. Seems like a double standard.

I sent out my invites the first week of January, expecting a flurry of RSVPs. I put the due date as March 10th because our room block expires shortly thereafter. I understand that people have to look into travel arrangements, costs, etc. before making a decision but I'm wondering how long, on average, did it take before you saw RSVPs coming in? Did they come in slowly but consistently?

Yay! Thanks girls. I went with the second, and tied a little starfish charm to it. I loved it and got great feedback from my guests.

@@nadiakat17 They know that if they don't give a deposit (because I want to cover my butt in case the loser bf doesn't come) within the next few days then the room is getting released. Last night she texted me to confirm the deposit amount and I just answered coldly and didn't say anything else. Her ticket is almost entirely on miles - she needed $75 to cover the difference. I haven't given her the money - now out of principal - and she can't do anything as far as arrange transportation until she comes up with that cash. FI was livid. He's like 'so now we're actually paying her to come to our wedding?' I think if we didn't know she was paying for someone else's shower, buying BM dress and all then it wouldn't be quite as much of an issue.

Eh, we fight like sisters so I didn't take use of that word to the level that I should've, in the moment but I let her have it after that. There is no reason to ever call someone that, I don't care what the circumstance is. It's disgusting. It gets me angrier the more I think about it. She knows that her 'free' room is being released from my room block in the next few days. I only gave it to her because I love her and didn't want her staying in some disgusting, rat-infested hotel elsewhere because I know that's all she could afford. When she tells me she booked her ticket, I'm probably going to tell her then that she's going to have to book her own accommodations, that I was happy to help her out but after the language she's used I don't feel comfortable doing so anymore.

Thanks ladies, for all of your feedback. So it didn't end so well and I know it all comes from her own miserable relationship. I told her that I didn't want to loan her $75 until I knew for certain that her loser bf was coming (he's been dragging his feet) because if she ends up in my free room alone, it's no longer free and will cost me several hundred dollars. I also said that I am having a difficult time hearing her say she doesn't have $75 but has money to pay for someone else's bridal shower. She said that she is paying for her friend's shower because it is her first wedding (this is my second and I never asked her to throw me a shower), so i interpret that as she thinks I don't deserve it. I had to remind her that the wedding festivities aren't just about me, they're about my FI too. She told me that I'm acting like the c word. Oh, and that now I'm taking away the free room and that makes me an indian giver. I never took away, nor implied that I'm taking away the free room, unless she doesn't have a second person. And I was very clear - I'd only do that because it would cost me $800 otherwise. So I'm taking a break from her. If she comes, great. If she doesn't, that's fine too. Sorry for the rant...

@@TinkerSofi your mom is a smart lady! It all just went right over my friend's head. Instead of having that ah-ha moment that I did something nice for her, she called me selfish for taking the room away. And I never said I was taking the room away.

@@nadiakat17 The irony is that I even flagged that the free room credit should've gone to me and FI, so it's technically costing me money to give this to her (I said this in a nice way) and she still didn't get it.

I'm so unbelievably fed up with this girl. I have a feeling that's going to put her over the edge and she's going to back out all together but the truth is I don't even care at this point. My FI hates her (and he likes everyone) because he sees how negative and not nice she is. It makes me feel bad because she's been an awesome friend for so many years and he doesn't get to see that side of her. I wish she'd ditch her loser boyfriend...

@@acw271011 Thanks for your feedback. Here's what I said to her and didn't mention the perks overall. I think I'm going to tell her that if she can't put her credit card on file then I'm not comfortable keeping this booking. I just want to make sure that Adam is 110% coming. I'm only asking b/c you said he is dragging his feet with claiming his miles to buy a ticket and now there's a little issue with the hotel. I can give you my free room for 3 nights but the travel agent told me that it is based only on 2 people in the room. That's the policy because it is the bride and groom who usually take this. If this were a paid booking the per night rate goes up when there is 1 person in the room. So if that happens, you're left with an $800 balance. I cannot cover this. So I need 100% confirmation that either Adam is coming or you can cover the $800 if he isn't. The travel agent can keep your credit card on file.

I have a good friend of 17 years who is totally broke. She was initially my MOH but stepped down for reasons I won't get into. Ever since I got engaged she has been really negative and I attribute that to her being miserable in her own relationship. Anyway, for every 6 rooms booked I get one free so I gave one to her. But that's based on 2 people in a room. There's a chance she may come solo. And if that happens, I'd have to potentially use the room credit I (hopefully!) earn on a second free room. For example, if I book 6 rooms at $1,000 each, I get a $1,000 credit that can be applied any way I want. I gave it to her. Now if she comes solo, I would need an $1800 credit to cover her room. So essentially, I only get a $200 credit between the two rooms to use for myself. And that's assuming I get that may bookings through my agent because even if guests book the same hotel, if it doesn't go through my TA it doesn't count. How do I tell her this? She just asked me to borrow $75 and I agreed to it, against my better judgement. I have to tell her this news today. How do I say it nicely?

@@calgarybride2015 What is going in the time capsule? Just messages or something else?

I think that calling it selfish is not appropriate. Nobody is forcing anyone to come; the people who come are there because they WANT to be there. Just like if it were at home, you're not forced, it's just cheaper. It would however, be selfish to get upset with people for not spending the money to come (I know nobody said that but I'm just sayin'...) That's the consequence of a DW and we all knew that going into it. I haven't heard anyone call us selfish, but my MIL's cousin said to her 'that the gift she gives would've been bigger if the party were at home.' We're honestly not even expecting gifts. Flying to Mexico to be with us is a gift.

@@nadiakat17 Unless my MIL is planning to invite all 30+ of her cousines - which I assume she is not since they're not invited to wedding - I'm having trouble figuring out why my friend's house isn't good. My friend can comfortably entertain 40 people. I think we're looking at 25 people. It's just an uncomfortable situation and I feel terrible for my friend.