rachelia160

I already felt like such a bridezilla with the text I sent haha, I hate having to be like this but I don't have a choice! Also, I need to directly contact the people who think they're coming...which is hard when I've never met them or spoken to them...and if I've never met your or spoken to you, you probably shouldn't assume you're invited to the most important day of my life. I never approved them to the wedding group. I'm hoping the other girl told them she invited them, and they realize that I actively did not add them for a reason. I almost didn't have the group set to where I'd have to approve members, because I didn't think it would be necessary, but I've come to see that it is! That would be nice if the boss was paying for the cost PP....he's giving his employees thousands of dollars to attend our wedding, while it's actually costing me and my FI that he's doing that. Great. (Or in theory it would be costing. I'm not letting this happen). But even if I somehow convey that, do they come to the cocktail party where I hand out welcome bags? I don't have enough supplies for more bags! I don't want to buy more! It makes everything so AWKWARD!! I don't understand how everyone can be that clueless to think they can show up to a wedding without an invite. There are some etiquite things with weddings that I realize aren't "common knowledge," especially to guys, and while they seem like a big deal to us brides immersed in wedding culture, there are some things you have to spell out for people. Assuming you're invited to someone's wedding without an invitation is NOT one of those things. That is common sense. Thank you for being angry for me. That was essentially the main reason for this post - I'm so frustrated I just need people to be angry on my behalf!

Guys. I am about to fly off the handle. I am being THAT PERSON and attaching screenshots because I swear I wouldn't even believe this was real if it wasn't happening to me. A few days ago I made a PRIVATE Facebook group for our wedding guests, just for everyone to have a place to ask questions or to post and reminders or info. Yesterday, I get this notification that one of the groomsmen's girlfriends has invited two people I've never even heard of to be in the group. I, of course, think she must have just clicked a wrong button or something because WHY WOULD SOMEONE INVITE STRANGERS TO BE A PART OF MY WEDDING FACEBOOK GROUP?! So, I ask. I don't think I can accurately convey how infuriating this is. Having someone tell ME who is coming to MY wedding. So, the backstory: my FI works at a small specialty machining shop with only 7 guys or so. The boss is the father of one of my best friends/bridesmaids, and one of his coworkers/groomsmen (the more I write about this stuff the more I realize how strangely intertwined all of our relationship are, haha). So, their entire family is coming to the wedding. Corey's best man also works at the shop, so basically the shop will have to shut down during wedding week because pretty much no one will be there. Now, apparently, the boss has decided to pay for EVERYONE to go to Mexico. For those of you keeping track, that is 6 more people total because of the one guy's girlfriend (although ONE of those people was ACTUALLY invited, because believe it or not we really did sentd save the dates to people we wanted to be a part of our special day, so he doesn't count. So we're talking 5 univited guests). I am just beside myself, and so is my FI. I've literally never heard Corey mention this Michael guy - they're not close. I'm sorry, but I don't want him AND his girlfriend there. What the heck do I do? How do I tactfully go around saying "Hey, just wondering if you were expecting to be invited to the ceremony and reception, because if you were you're wrong." Or, more accurately, how do I get my FI to do that? How do you tell people you've never spoken to in your life that they're not invited to your wedding when someone else has apparently invited them? At a normal wedding, I think it's pretty much assumed that you're only invited if you get an invitation. This feels like a free for all. At this point I should just hire a big burly bouncer at the door of the wedding and have people present their invitations to be allowed in like some fancy VIP club or something! I've said all along that people can bring whoever they want to Mexico since it's their vacation too. This works out fine with strangers and people I don't know, because of course they wouldn't expect to be invited to the wedding (although that wasn't the case with the original reason for this post...) But now it's just messy when people are inviting our acquaintances, who might then assume that they're invited to the wedding activities. I'm just at a loss. Now my poor FI has to be put in this awkward position of having to figure out how to convey that some of his coworkers are allowed at the wedding and some of them weren't invited. I have no idea what to do. I want to send out a memo to the entire world saying "FYI, you're not invited to a wedding unless the couple expressly invites you to be there, even if it's a Destination Wedding." Can I sent out non-invitations? "This document is to inform you that you are not invited to the Salyer Dean wedding since apparently a lack of an invitation is not enough to convey that message, you heathens." This was mostly a rant post, but if anyone has any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated! (BONUS RANT: SO, the boss is giving each employee $1500, including wives and girlfriends, to go on a vacation....what do my FI and his best man get, who already paid for the trip on their own? All of his coworkers are essentially getting a $1500 - $3000 bonus because my FI is getting married....while he and his best man get nothing because they were obviously already planning to attend. That may sound greedy, but how is that fair???)

@@beckys98 Let him know I (Rachel) sent you if you use him, I don't think he has a menu on his store right now but I asked him to make a menu and place cards for me and he met each request wonderfully, so you can just tell him you want something similar to mine

Yes, menus are a go, I just got them in the mail yesterday. It was half to let people know what they're eating, and half to just make everything seem a little fancy and to fill up the table a little. As you can see, we included the thank you at the bottom, so considering that's already good to go, I think I'm gonna skip the program. I don't think anyone will be horribly scandalized or declare the wedding a DISASTER because I didn't have one, so why give myself one more thing to stress about? (PS, my menu and invitations and menu were done by Courtney Jones Design at https://www.etsy.com/people/cjonesdesign. They turned out AMAZING! Everything was just delivered from Vistaprint yesterday and I couldn't be happier!)

@@kcole123 Everyone has already offered great advice, but I just want to commiserate...so many guys just don't get etiquette, traditions, and nice gestures. Just trying to explain to my FI that he can't just keep verbally inviting people willy nilly because I've ordered a certain number of invitations, place card holders, OOT supplies, etc., and he's just like "Who cares? They don't care about that stuff.Why does it matter?" IT JUST DOES!!! I swear my FI likes to put up a stink about traditions and etiquette just because he finds it all annoying, but at the end of the day he doesn't really care and caves. Maybe you guy will get over it and just let you buy the watches, or go do it himself.

Thanks for all the helpful replies!! @@smileitseb I swear ALL BOYS ARE THE SAME and can't plan ahead!! This was my train of thought. I know they're nice, I was just wondering if they were strictly necessary and I'm glad to hear they aren't! When I was planning on doing one I wanted to do a fan, but I'm with you...I'm lazy, DIY dificient, and already stressed about packing stuff as it is!! I'm doing an itinerary as well that I'm including in the welcome bags. If I hadn't done that I probably would have been more on board with a program, but between invitations, itineraries, menu cards, yadda yadda...it just felt like I didn't need another piece of paper! My one hesitation now in not having one is the sentimental value of it just to remind me of the day I'm sure it would be nice to look back on. I bookmarked a link to a program like this, I think it's so cute!! And if I do one, I'll probably do a fan, too. This is GORGEOUS!! If I wasn't so DIY stupid I would totally do this! They do????! That's amazing!!! I've already been worried about rounding everyone up at the right time since everyone will be in "Vacation Mode," but I'm sure that will help. Thanks for letting me know! My biggest reason for wanting them is the sentimental value. And I'm the same way, I like knowing what's happening in a wedding or event, but I'm not sure everyone is as type A as me!

Hi all! Do you guys think it's absolutely necessary to have a wedding program? It just seems like one more think I have to worry about getting designed and printed and taking down with me....plus my FI runs on a bit of a last-minute basis so I'm afraid to put the groomsmen in print since there's some of his friends that *might* end up coming who he's want in the wedding (*facepalm*) so I'd probably have to wait to do them until the last minute. Would it be a big deal not to have them at all? Will people think that's weird? I'm thinking that maybe it's not as necessary since we'll all be together for a few days so everyone will at least kind of know who the wedding party is....what do you guys think?

@@nadiakat17 I don't even know what to say to this....that's ridiculous!!! Who in their right mind thinks it's okay to invite their TWO girlfriends?!? I feel like I sound like an old lady when I say this, but where are people's manners? You get an invitation for a set number of people and it is no one's right to go around expecting that to be changed. Your situation is even more stressful than mine since you're already packed and have everything planned out and everything. I hope it all works out for you! I don't feel so bad about going with the flow now, it could be worse.... @@TinkerSofi I am SO non-confrontational and a people pleaser so I hate having those kinds of talks with people, especially when people are so quick to call out brides for being Zilla-like. You're right though, I need to just find out what's going on for sure right now instead of just dancing around it and hoping it works itself out. At this point I don't really care that much either way, I just don't want any more surprise additions after this!

I'm truly just as excited for the vacation with my friends and family as the wedding itself (maybe even more so!) That's why destiation weddings are so amazing, we have an entire experience to look forward to instead of just a day!

Thanks so much for this! The more pictures I see of how "real brides" have decorated their tables (as opposed to elaborate Pinterest-perfect brides), the more I realize I'm overthinking it and that it doesn't have to be as elaborate as I think it does. This is simple and lovely. I think it's all about the candles and lighting. thanks so much for sharing!

Do you happen to have a picture of your table? Something like that sounds perfect, starfish is sort of our "theme." And GREAT idea bringing down throw away luggage, I think I'll do that for some of my OOT bag stuff. I actually spoke to her over a year ago and completely forgot about her!! Thanks for reminding me!

Has anyone rented centerpieces from the resort? I dug back through this forum and found some people who did around 2012, but I feel like the prices have gone up so much since then that I'm wondering what the cost is now. My mom made really awesome shell and mason jar centerpieces, but I think we decided that they're just too much of a pain to lug down, and that we're going to use them for the shower and at home receptions, so I'm trying to figure out options at the Jade. I'll probably use my bridesmaids bouquets on a few tables, but I'd like to stagger them with centerpieces from the resort. The options in the guide are all a little underwhelming. Did anyone have one in person that they liked? I saw some past brides say that if you send them a picture of one you like they'll quote you on the price to recreate it...has anyone done that before?

@@nadiakat17 I think that's the attitude I'm going to take. Yes, I got all fired up and frustrated about it cause it seems so obviously rude to those of us immersed in wedding etiquette, but at the end of the day it's not worth the stress of having to have these difficult conversations with people about uninviting people (although it's not really "uninviting" them when they weren't invited in the first place but whatever!) I'll take your advice and roll with it

I totally know how you feel. I'm 4 months out and so burnt out and really procrastinating on everything, even though I know I'm probably going to be kicking myself once I'm a few weeks out wondering why I wasted so much time. Some stuff that seemed like such cute and great ideas when I was so excited to start planning just seem frivolous and annoying at this point! I figure even if I do nothing else and show up in a white dress it'll at least kind of look like a wedding, right?

So the other day I was getting a manicure with my friend, and she said "Oh, I don't even know if you know this, but two of my brother's friends are coming to Mexico." Oh yes, so I heard ...ha! I know that some of you said that I should go straight to her mom to sort things out, but since she brought it up, I apologetically and kind of embarrassedly said "Do they have to come to the wedding though? I'm kind of running short on space." To be honest I was so nervous about what to say I don't even remember her exact reaction or what she said, but judging by the slight look of surprise on her face I'm guessing she just assumeed that they'd be invited to the wedding also...but I think she said she'd talk to her mom. Now I'm second guessing myself. Should I just suck it up and let them come to the ceremony? I realize I probably won't even notice two more people, but I'm frustrated more on principle. I started to feel bad because her little brother won't have anyone to "hang out with" at the wedding...friend-wise, obviously his (entire) family will be there. But is that a big deal? To be honest I wouldn't mind if they came down to join the party at the reception once dinner and all that stuff was done, but then saying that just sounds almost more rude than just not inviting them at all (like "You have to stay away until a certain time and then you're allowed entry." Just seems kind of rude and like it would overcomplicate things). At this point I'm hoping that maybe she'll mention it to her mom and she'll feel a little silly for assuming the two friends would be invited to the ceremony and it'll be a non-issue. All I know is that I'm certainly not going to add them to the guest list when no one has really "officially" informed me that they'd be coming (not that I could, I don't even know their names, and I don't think they're booked yet or anything), and I'm not going to go out of my way to chase down their information. I guess if I don't hear anything I'll assume it solved itself, and if she asks about it I'll go from there. The problem might be is if she goes to my mom to say the two friends are coming and my mom says they'll be invited to the wedding. She thinks it's kind of silly that I care about any of this at all and thinks it shouldn't matter who comes, the more the merrier (I think she might start to regret this when she sees the bill...she doesn't seem to be taking that into account even though I've warned her about how quickly it adds up). That's been my attitude thus far, but it just seems ridiculous that an invitation that should have been extended to four people (my friend and her boyfriend, and her mom and her husband) is now at 7 people counting her two brothers and her older brother's girlfriend, and NOW they want to make it 9. That's one fifth of the guests at the wedding! *sigh* I know I'm overthinking this and at this point I'm just rambling but I feel better once I write it all out!

I know exactly what you mean--I feel like I'm one of the few on here who have parents helping some I'm glad you understand!! I totally didnt/don't mind that she's bringing her whole family. I might not count the sons/brothers in my closest circle of friends but I do KNOW them and I'm thrilled that they're making a family vacation out of it, so I don't mind inviting them to the wedding. My mom's good friend is bringing her sister who I've only met a few times. That's fine! I don't mind inviting any of these people to the wedding, and I don't mind people bringing a travel buddy or even their whole immediate families, but I just thought this branched out a little toooo far from my closest friends and family to be at my wedding ceremony! @@LisaAnthonyPoppy I think I need to step up my no-nonsense game a little! I'm not really into wedding planning, and if it were up to me I'd let someone else take care of it and show up and have everything be a surprise, so I've been very laid back about everything, but this just got on my nerves. @@JenniferH114 I was debating on whether or not to go through my friend or straight to the mom (who I'm very close with too and love to death). You're probably right, that it would be better to go straight to her. Maybe I'll feel out the situation from my friend to find out if they're REALLY going (because this whole conversation might end up being unnecessary if they don't go anyway!), and then go to her mom to discuss the heavier stuff. @ I laughed out loud at this!! Fair point!! @@TammyWright Great idea saying it's more of a space issue--can't argue with that! EXACTLY. I would never in a million years invite strangers to another person's wedding....heck, or even to a birthday party or any kind of celebration that you have to pay for, reserve space for, have a head count, etc. I guess people get a little too laid back when the beach is concerned! And you're right--my inner you-know-what would like to say "Uh, excuse me, why do you think this is okay?" but that would never happen in a million years. Like I said, I have no problem at all with them coming--for all I care each person could bring their entire family tree on the trip! The more the merrier! We've been encouraging people all along to plan it as their summer vacation with their families or whoever they want to spend it with. It just seems presumptuous to think that everyone you bring should be invited to an intimate wedding ceremony! But like you said, hopefully they'll want nothing to do with the wedding anyway...and hopefully the mom won't try to make them come!

@@racht33 I'll email it to you!

@@racht33 That's the DJ I booked! I've heard amazing things too!

@@racht33 $800!??? That is just crazy, I find it hard to believe that anyone would pay that on top of what a photographer already costs. The outside vendor fee for everything else is $350. Besides my photographer, the only other outside vendor I'm having is a DJ, and even with the vendor fee it still adds up to less than using the Jade's DJ.

I'll PM you for your email address and send you the stuff I have, but it's essentially what you find online. I think I have another sheet that breaks down the individual add-ons a little more. But the reception comes with the cocktail hour and private reception so you would be good there. About the photographer pass--they've upped the price...for some people, it seems. It's been a little frustrating. My original paperwork when I booked said that you just had to buy them a day pass, but now it's $150 per photographer. I fought back on this since other brides on here said they negotiated it back down to the day pass price, but they didn't budge for me.

I've visited the Now Jade twice and loved it. I also think it's a really amazing value. I want the best quality food - I can't say enough wonderful things about the Now Jade's food. I've been to quite a few all inclusives, and always think the food is "Just okay," which is what I've come to expect from an all inclusive. The Jade changed my mind on that--the food is AMAZING. Way higher quality than any other all inclusive I've been to. This is definitely a good choice for that . The best resorts to cover all age groups. but still keep areas seperated for those guest attempting to get away from their own kids (haha) - I wanted the exact same thing! We have mostly adults and then four 7-11 year olds so I needed a famiy resort. I'm sure you already know all this, but I'll repeat it anyway--there is a "family side" and an "adults only" side, and it is strictly enforced--they kick kids out of the adult pool QUICK. It's where I spent all my time while I was there and you really feel like you're at an adults-only resort. I've also read really good things about their kids club, and saw them marching all over the resort with a babysitter doing different activities, so I think it's perfect for parents to escape their kids! Best wedding packages offered without breaking the bank - How many people are you planning on having? This one sort of depends on your number, and also how elaborate you want your wedding to be (I'd say mine is a little more than simple but definitely less than elaborate--somewhere in the middle). Once you get past 25 people the costs start adding up pretty quick, but I think that's the case with most resorts. If you want any more details on this just let me know. And a resort with access to outside areas to do other activities - Every hotel in the Rivera Maya is literally set waaay back in the jungle, so the biggest pain to getting other places is getting down the "driveway." If you have a super active group that'll want to be going all over the place, Cancun might be a better bet--although it depends on what kinds of activities they want. Do you want easy access to bars and clubs? Definitely go with Cancun. If you want more excursions and 'jungle' stuff, a lot of that is towards the Rivera Maya anyway, and it's a little bit of a drive but not too bad, I don't think. Overall I think the price at the Jade is very reasonable as well. My guests are paying about $1500 per person including airfare from Cleveland for 7 nights in June. Most people were shocked at the price when they heard that it included airfare--they thought it would be WAY more expensive. So I definitely think it's a good value! Here's a link to a Facebook album of pictures I took while I was there too if that helps https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10153956620015293&type=1&l=6c06a1d410

@@racht33 I'm such a people pleaser, which makes it SO hard to put my foot down about anything, but I guess I gotta suck it up! I went on your profile and saw the topic you started about picking a resort, so I'll reply to your question there so you have everyone's opinion in one place

I didn't even really set a booking deadline--the money is due April 25, so people need to be booked by then, but besides that I've been pretty laid back about the entire thing, which is why I don't think it's too much to ask for the party to be booked in March--and everyone who we originally planned on IS booked! We have 5 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen good to go (even the one he just asked six seconds ago was already booked because he's the brother of one of my bridesmaid's and his boss' son so their entire family is coming...we have very interconnected family relationships apparently!) but he kind of sprung the other friends on me and seemed put out when I more or less said "No they can't be in the wedding if they're not booked by then because I can't wait that long." But like you said, if they're not booked by then they probably won't be coming anyway so it probably won't end up making a difference. I think you're exactly right about AI. Some people are AMAZED and barely comprehend when I explain that they don't need to pay for food or drinks on the resort...but then the people who are already used to the idea or have been to one before seem to think that means the wedding is essentially free. We wish!! That's so cute that you had friends thank you for the open bar--they must have been thrilled that the entire week was an open bar! I'm glad you agree! Like you said, it's no problem if he brings his friends to the resort--heck, bring 20 friends, makes no difference to me. It's YOUR vacation, but it's OUR wedding. That sounds a little Bridezilla-y but I guess I gotta be firm at some point! I'm glad you mentioned welcome bags too because I was already worried about that--I have 50 guests booked now and bought just enough supplies for 60 people. There's a chance that I could end up with closer to 60 INVITED guests, and I really don't want to buy more supplies for univited strangers!

Truly, there's no way to know exactly who is going to go until they're booked. Just like the other ladies have said, some people who said multiple times that they were "definitely" going ended up not booking, and some people who I thought were total long shots have their trip fully paid for already! For me that has meant leaving the number-specific planning until closer to the wedding (4 months from today, I just realized!) because by now I think pretty much everyone who will be there is already booked. Your wedding is still a ways away and I'm sure you want to get a jump on things, but I would just organize what you can now and worry about favors, seating charts, and other things you need names and numbers for for when people are able to book and you can get a better sense of who's really going.

Asking for additional wedding invites FOUR DAYS before a wedding?! I'm sorry but I just do not understand what planet some people live on. In what universe would that be appropriate? I don't blame you one bit for saying no. I'd definitely do the same. Although, it might be a guy thing--I don't think they realize how important to know exactly who and how many people will be there. Just last night I was delegating some tasks to my FI and getting on his case about asking the fifth and final groomsmen to be in the wedding (he LITERALLY just texted me saying he asked...he WORKS with the guy, sees him every day, and has waited until now to ask...MEN!), and I said that I want his FINAL list of his groomsmen by mid March. He then named THREE other friends that he'd like to be in the wedding and and said they might not know if they'll have the money til the last minute, and seemed to think it was unfair of me to set a cut off date (and that's not even saying they can't GO to the wedding, I just need to know who's going to be IN it for programs, outfits, gifts, etc.) We've had our wedding date for well over a year and everyone has known about it far enough in advance to save/make plans one way or the other, and to me it's not unreasonable to want the wedding party booked three months before the wedding...but he doesn't get why we can't just keep adding them til the last minute. But I think he saw that I was about to fly off the handle and backed down and promised to have the list by March! Ha!