rachelia160

@@JennyZ I don't have much advice to add but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I recently suffered a major loss as well. My grandpa (aka my Bebop) who I am very close with, had been having some health issues (which pretty much comes with the territory when you're 88 years old) but had been to the doctors and in the hospital for about a week and we thought it was all getting taken care of. Things took a turn for the worse all of a sudden and he passed away suddenly on Friday, April 10. I had mailed my invitations on Tuesday, April 7. It was heartbreaking getting the mail at my grandparents' house (my grandma has Alzheimers and lives in a nursing home, but my grandpa stayed with her all day every single day) and finding my invitation in the mail, knowing he never got a chance to open it and that he had passed away between the time I sent it and the time it got to his house, was absolutely devastating. It's awkward knowing exactly how to deal with planning a wedding in the midst of a family crisis. You can imagine how foolish I felt knowing that people were receiving my fun bright wedding in the mail basically the same day they found out my grandpa passed away. Even though I think most people realized that his passing was sudden and unexpected, I'm so worried that I come off as if I was just in my own little self-centered world planning my wedding while my grandpa was dying and that I didn't take the timing into consideration. Ugh....but anyway, now I'm ranting. I'm sure that you'll come to the right decision about your Uncle's invitation. Even after a few weeks when the dust has settled from the shock, I think you'll have a better handle on when and how to send the invite. Everything is so hectic right in the aftermath it's hard to have a clear vision of how you will all move forward from here but, inevitably, you will. I'm so sorry for your loss and try not to let the invitation be a source of stress for you - your family will help you figure out the right way to handle it.

@@calgarybride2015 I more mean that SUPER square nail look, and being able to tell that it's kind or raised up highter than where your natural nail is. To me the thumbnail just looks kind of goofy. Can you get a "tip" without having your entire nail covered by the acrylic? I AM SO CLUELESS!

@@calgarybride2015 They only really break when I get greedy and keep my nails too long I guess that's why I've considered the acrylics, since I want length too and can't really go there with my natural nails...but I also hate when you can tell from a million miles away that someone is wearing acrylics, so it might be better to sacrifice a little length but still maintaining the natural nail look. AH I'm so indecisive! If I DO get acrylics, I'll definitely be getting gel polish on them, I think pretty much everywhere that still does acrylics will do that.

I've been debating this as well. I ALWAYS have gel/shellac on my nails and swear by it, and most of the time it lasts great for at least 2 weeks and sometimes even longer (and when you get it on your toes like @@calgarybride2015 it lasts FOREVER, practically until it grows completely out!), but I'm worried about breaking a nail before my wedding, so I've been debating acrylics even though I've never had them before...but I also don't want to ruin my nails....anyway, I hope some other people can answer your question!

@@MrandMrsBonitto2016 I got my design from CourtneyJonesDesign on Etsy, and he was wonderful. He tweaked everything to just how I wanted it and even designed menus and place cards for me to match the invitations. I cut the RSVP card to look like a luggage tag and punched a hole for a piece of twine. They turned out so cute! I upgraded my Vistaprint order to the Premium White Matte Stock and it was perfect for the invitations. I used the linen finish for the menus which I love, too. Very happy with everything all around! (PS - This made me realize my date is two months from today....AHHHH!!!)

I used a Vistaprint Groupon to print my invitations (I got the design from Etsy), and I'm beyond thrilled with how they turned out, and brag to anyone who will listen about how much money I saved! Definitely a great option for people who don't want to spend $300+ on invitations.

Like @@leggi said, you can pick two different main courses (I picked the salmon and the beef), the rest of the courses stay the same, and you just have to let them know how many of each you'll need.

Totally agree. If this were a non-destination wedding, it would be ridiculous that you'd even have to consider how to let people know they're NOT invited, since that's the whole point of an invitation...but for some reason, etiquette and manners have a way of falling by the wayside with a DW!

Do you know for sure whether or not your extended family expects to be invited? If people haven't said anything that would imply they'll be expecting an invitation, I wouldn't say anything. People might take offense to you guys going out of your way to send a note that says "FYI, you aren't invited to our wedding," almost like an anti-invitation. I think the lack of an invitation is enough for MOST people to realize they weren't invited, and if they ask about it, just explain that it's a very intimate ceremony. That being said, I think you just have to handle the people who DO say things about being invited on a case by case basis. If they mention the wedding in front of you or drop some kind of hint that they're assuming they'll be invited, I think you just have to tell them to their face (or by however they contacted you in the first place) that you're having a very small ceremony. Hopefully you won't have too many people do this to you, but I think it's a good idea to avoid the pre-emptive note saying people aren't invited.

That was another part of my reasoning for sending an invitation to everyone - I had the DW info on one side, and the AHR info on the other.

I sent invites to everyone who got a Save the Date, even though I already knew who was and wasn't coming. For a Destination Wedding especially, I think the invitations are more about the gesture of being invited, and showing that you're thinking of them even if they can't attend, rather than about sending out necessary information (since the people who are working on the travel probably have all the info already). I would definitely at least send them to your close friends and family who aren't attending...I think I'd be hurt if I had to tell a friend I couldn't make it to her destination wedding and then didn't even get an invite!

When I got engaged two years ago, one of my roommates didn't acknowledge it in any way, shape, or form. No congratulations, no asking to see the ring, nothing! I'm not saying you have to turn cartwheels and throw me a party, but just completely avoiding the topic is just awkward! I'm pretty certain it was out of jealousy on her part (it feels stuck up to say that, but you gotta call 'em like you see 'em)...she has this super specific life plan where she wanted to be engaged her junior year of college, married a year out of college, and babies by 25. Well, my life so happens to be following the first two steps of that plan (but not the babies part, saving that til I'm 30!) and she has yet to have her first boyfriend. It really sucks when people can't be happy for your because they're not happy with their own situation. I ended up not inviting her to my wedding. In my eyes, if you've never even ACKNOWLEDGED the fact that I'm engaged, to the point where you're almost pretending not to even know about it, I don't see why I should invite you. That being said, she also wasn't/isn't one of my very best friends, and I won't be devastated if this ruins the distant friendship we have post-college. That being said, if I were you, I would probably still invite these people to your wedding, especially your family members, because that can just get awkward and make you seem like the bad guy to the rest of your family for not inviting them. That way, you're the bigger person, showing them that you're still willing to make an effort to preserve your relationships, even if they're being jerks (and I'm sure they KNOW they're being jerks)....but I wouldn't ask them to be in your wedding party. They obviously haven't earned that honor, and again, I'm sure they're well aware of it. But if you really don't want them there and think it will ruin your day, don't invite them! At the end of the day, you get to call the shots

I'm 23 and my FI is 24, and plenty of people think we're crazy for getting married so young (don't even get me STARTED on people who have tried to subtlety ask if I'm pregnant...considering we've been engaged for two years and were more than a year out when we set our date, does that seem like the reason we're getting married?! ), but when you know, you know! We have more "traditional" values than a lot of couples these days and aren't living together until we're married, so that factored into it for us - we want to actually BE married before we start living and acting like we're married, so for us it wasn't really practical to wait until we were 30. At first (and even sometimes now) I'm kind of self conscious to tell people I'm getting married so young because I know they're going to judge me, but I know we're happy and SO excited to start our lives together, and that's all that matters

I think we'll do the most basic traditional vows at our church ceremony, and we're writing our own more personal ones for our DW. I'm not positive if we'll have to exchange rings at the church ceremony or not, but if we do we'll just give them back and not where them until after the DW. This sounds like a good way to go. Still special and nice, but nothing too elaborate. I'm hoping we don't "have" to exchange rings but I'm kind of thinking that comes with the territory...we're meeting with my priest tonight so I'll start trying to find some of this out. I just have to think of a tactful way to word it instead of "Hey, what's the least possible amount of wedding stuff we have to do because I don't want this to feel like a wedding?"

I definitely understand the appeal of just signing docs, but like you said, I think there are some traditions that are going to be essential (exchanging vows and rings and things). I guess the most important thing is our mindset about the whole thing - these are just steps we have to go through to get legally married. I want to stay kind of "detached" from the whole thing in a way. As you mentioned too, we're telling as few people as possible about it. Outside of our parents and siblings, our grandparents and the aunts and uncles that will be coming don't even know about it. We're basically going to tell them the day before where and when to show up so there's less of a chance of other people finding out. I won't lie if anyone directly asks me, but I'm just letting everyone else think that the wedding in Mexico is legally binding. I doubt most people know about all the hoops you have to jump through anyway, so it wouldn't occur to them to think it might not be "official." For a variety of reasons. One is definitely all the ridiculous hoops you have to jump through to be legally married in Mexico, but most importantly because my FI is Baptist, not Catholic, and has a very strong faith background of his own, and is one of the leaders in his church, so we struggled a LOT with trying to figure out a way to kind of get married on "neutral ground" for both our own and our family's sake (some of his immediate family wouldn't and won't set foot in a Catholic church), and a wedding on the beach kind of allowed us to do that and make it exactly what we wanted outside of either of our churches so we would be on an even playing field. After much discussion, he was kind enough to let us have our legal ceremony in my church since my denomination has more "rules" and it kind of had to be in the church to be recognized. So that's the biggest reason, but also just because if I'm bringing everyone all the way to Mexico, I wanna get married on the beach and not in a building!

Hi Brides! I'm getting legally married one week before we leave for our Destination Wedding. I'm Catholic and wanted my marriage to be recognized in the church, so my ceremony will be in my church by my priest. Our parents, siblings, grandparents, and a few aunts and uncles who won't be at the DW will be in attendance. I'm struggling to figure out the balance between respecting the importance of this ceremony from a religious and spiritual standpoint, without making it feel too much like the "real" wedding. I want the entire thing to be as simple and straight forward as possible so we feel like we're really getting married at our DW, but I also don't want my priest to feel like we're not taking it seriously, or that we're not regarding it as us ACTUALLY getting married. Have there been any other brides who have had a church ceremony before their DW (especially Catholic brides since there's a little more protocol to follow)? How did you handle this? What all did your ceremony include/not include? I'm wondering what wedding traditions we should participate in and leave out - do we exchange our real rings? Does my dad walk me down the aisle? (That feels like a HUGE deal to me and I know it'll make me emotional, so I don't really want to do it twice). Do I wear a white dress? I think all of this would have been a little easier if we had had the legal ceremony after our DW, but with my parents being very conservative I thought that everything should be official before we start "acting" married. I definitely see the appeal in just going to a courthouse and signing papers...I wish I could do that, but having my marriage recognized in the church is just too important! Any thoughts would be appreciated

I think whichever way you decide to go is fine, but I wouldn't base your decision on there being an uneven number of groomsmen/bridesmaids. Every wedding I've been to recently has had an uneven number, and my FI will have one more groomsman than me, and it's no big deal. So if you decide you want someone to stand up for you, and the only one who pans out is your sister, I say go for it, but if you don't want to have one at all I think that's fine too.

Update: I talked to my BFF/bridesmaid, who's dad is my FI's boss (ten point for those of you who have been able to keep everyone straight throughout this whole post!) I was obviously a little more tactful about it than I was on this post Basically I just kind of explained that I was nervous about not knowing what all of my FI's cowoerkers expectation's were for the wedding ceremony with their boss paying for their trip to Mexico. Being the rockstar that she is, she said "I'll handle it it," and I think she texted her dad conveying our concerns, who then talked to my FI and told him to tell me "to kiss you for him and tell you that he still loves you and he's gonna make everything fine so no worries and to put a bunch of dumb emojis after said all of that." So now I feel sort of silly and like I over reacted. Truthfully, the part that frustrated me the most was the groomsmen's girlfriend inviting those people to join my private group and saying "They're coming!" I feel like she was the only one who made assumptions and and gave those guests the expectation that they would be invited to the wedding. In the end, we've decided to invite 4/6 of the coworkers/wives to the wedding anyway. Ironically, the two that won't be on the list are the ones that the girl tried to invite to the Facebook group. My FI has never mentioned him and says he's only worked there for two months and that he doesn't know him that well (while he's worked with the other guys for years), so even though at first I felt bad that he ad his girlfriend will be the only coworkers not on the guestlist, my guess is that they don't want to be at a virtual stranger's wedding when they could be relaxing at an all inclusive resort any more than we particularly want them there, so I'm going to try not to stress over it. So all in all, everything has worked out fine. Fingers crossed that no other surprise guests popped up. I was only expecting about 40 people to come to the wedding, so I bought enough stuff for 60, and we're already up to 56! I'm obviously thrilled that that many loved ones are joining us, but the numbers are making me bite my nails a little!

I think I am going to have to post something like the line @@calgarybride2015 suggested on the Facebook. It feels so tacky to me but I feel like I don't have a choice. Simple rules of common courtesy shouldn't have to be spelled out for people. I feel like I've been pretty accommodating overall about people bringing guests I don't know...as a plus one. That's fine!! Everyone totally deserves to have a friend/date/travel buddy for the week AND for the wedding, just as you would for a 'normal' wedding. I had a similar situation as you...my mom's good friend is bringing her sister who I don't know very well (even though she's already bringing her daughter so it's not like she was traveling alone) , and that's fine! I can handle one extra person...if you ask me before you go and do it. And the vacation thing has always been fine, as long as it's made clear that there is no expectation to attend the wedding. I wish I would have had clearer guidelines for that--to tell people A) Yes, bring whoever you want on the trip, it's your summer vacation While you may bring whoever you like, only the people on the invitation are invited the the wedding festivities, unless you talk to me first about a plus ONE (ONE! SINGULAR! NO GROUPS!) C) Inform me about who's going before you decide so I can verify the expectations of people on the trip. *sigh* live and learn!

@@calgarybride2015 How awful is it that I'm actually jealous of your situation because at least you had people ask you one way or the other? I could say no when asked directly...it's the awkwardness of having to activily seek people out and un-invite them (although I guess it's not un-inviting when there wasn't an invitation in the first place!) Tell me about it!! It's already borderlining on rude to ask for additional invites to a wedding....to just assume is WAY over the line, in my opinion.