rachelia160

Okay, now that I'm back from my destination wedding, I can say with certainty that having a legal ceremony beforehand did NOT take away anything at all from our wedding day whatsoever! They were two totally and completely separate experiences for us, and felt just the same as if that had been our actual legal ceremony. It was beautiful, perfect, personal, and emotional. There wasn't a dry eye in the house when we each read our personal vows. Having done the small church ceremony at home definitely took away a lot of the big scary pressure, and just left us with giddy nervous excitement that allowed us to enjoy the ceremony SO much. So I can't speak for everyone, but from my experience, having a legal ceremony at home before your DW does not take away from your wedding day even in the slightest!

Since symbolic ceremonies in Mexico are just that - symbolic - it doesn't really have anything to do with the church so I think you can call it whatever you want, since it's not like you're having a 'religious' ceremony all over again. I explained our situation to our priest and he never said anything one way or the other about it. I do know that if we had been legally married elsewhere BEFORE we wanted to have a church ceremony, whether in the states or Mexico or anywhere, the church ceremony would have to be considered just a renewal, so you're not getting legally and officially married twice. I explained that to another bride on here - she and her husband had gotten married by a JP and wanted to have a Catholic wedding in Mexico. I told her to make sure the priest knew that since in that case, the church would consider it a renewal. Since my church part came first, what comes after doesn't really matter since it's symbolic.

I have a strong religious background, which is why I had to have my church ceremony here. I couldn't get legally married on the beach and have my marriage recognized in the Catholic church. I'm not sure if it's an age thing, it's just that it's really impractical to get legally married in Mexico and since DW's are an increasing trend, more people are realizing that it makes more sense to do the legal part in the states. I don't think it's ideal for anyone, but it's better than having to worry about jumping through all those hoops in a foreign country, for me at least.

I'm TOTALLY stealing the journal idea!!! And that notebook is too cute!

@@racht33 I feel your pain!! My FI has been so stubborn about the "We're married so we should act like it" stuff. Maybe not quite as much, since he understands that I want to keep it on the down low as much as we can, but he's still made it a little tough (which is sweet...it's obviously cute he wants to wear his ring and call me his wife and stuff, but I just don't think he realizes how much work I put into our DW!) Like you said though, there are some fair points....it IS special and a big deal. For me, now that I've been through it, I've been able to look at it as 'special and a big deal in its own right but still not my wedding day,' if that makes sense? Like I said, as long as you have the right attitude towards it not being your 'real' wedding day, I think you can afford to 'romance' it up a little bit if that's what he really wants, and it won't change how you feel about your real big day - but the whole telling people thing is a different issue. I hope you win that battle! I also totally agree with the anniversary date - of course you want to celebrate the huge day that you've been planning for months, when you got to celebrate with all your friends and family in paradise, and not the day you signed a piece of paper in your home town! I bet he'll come around at that point after you have your celebration @@breezie That's a tough one 1) I don't really think people would be mad if they heard about it, if they realized it was just people who couldn't go to Mexico. You could try to make it as clear as possible to your guests that you want to keep it under wraps and ask people not to talk about it or post anything on social media and see how far that gets you, maybe? If you're really worried about that though, it might stress you out less to do it after as kind of an at home reception. On the other hand, can you explain to your moms how you feel and try to scale back on the number of people coming, or has everyone already been invited? At the end of the day, this is about you and your FI, and sometimes you gotta put your foot down for what you want when other people try to take over (that's happened to me more than once!) If it makes you feel better, my mom rented out a room at a restaurant for everyone afterwords and even got us a mini wedding cake (that ended up on my face...I'm exacting my revenge in Mexico!), and I still don't feel like even that has anything to do with my DW. Both events just feel completely unrelated to me. So I think it's possible to even do a little party without it taking away from anything. 2) Not to sound like a broken record, but I don't think it takes away from it if you have your head wrapped around it the right way. I was so determined not to have it take away that my brain just didn't really process it as my wedding, even though we did vows and the ring exchange and the whole shebang. And like I mentioned, not doing those special traditions like wearing your dress, having your dad walk you down the aisle, and all that stuff that makes you feel "bridal" was half the battle for me in not making it feel like my wedding day I'd been looking forward to my whole life. (PS - I just saw you're getting married at the Now Jade too!

@@acw271011 thank you, and I definitely will! Very nervous and excited! Even though its a little too late to order a vow booklet, you guys inspired me with the book idea, since holding a piece of paper just never seemed like a good idea...I think I'm going to get us each a nice moleskin notebook in our wedding colors (pink for me, orange for him) and write them in there so we have something nice and sturdy to hold. Plus, that way we can make edits and changes while we're there and just rewrite them and bookmark the right page. I'll see if we can leave them on the table under the arch, or have someone in the front hand them to us. THANK YOU EVERYONE! This site is the best

@@veryvalentine @ Ahh I wish I knew there was such a thing as vow books, those are so cute - we leave Sunday so I don't think they'd get here in time I'll hunt around and see if anyone has super fast shipping! @@calgarybride2015 I think we have a table so that's a good idea, that way they won't be all crumpled up in someone's pocket!

Ideally, for the sake of the DW, I would have liked it to be basically just signing papers without any of the ceremony elements like it sounds like you had, but as a Catholic to have my marriage recognized in the church I kind of had to have an actual traditional "wedding," which is why I was so nervous about it taking away from everything, but again, I just went into it with the right mindset. Also, the only people who know about it are the people who were there - we've kept it top secret, and aren't posting pictures anywhere or anything. Even though it was kind of a bummer for me when our family that was there kept talking about us being husband and wife and married and yadda yadda (I was like "DON'T SAY THAT!!") I think it'll help when we're around a bunch of guests who still see us as not being married yet.

I'm actually answering the question in my topic instead of asking it! My FI (still calling him that!) and I got legally married during a small ceremony at the chapel of my Catholic church (so it was a small room and not really a church) on Saturday, a week before we leave for our DW. There were 15 people there - parents, siblings, his nephew, my aunt and uncle, his cousin, and two close family friends of mine. I wore my bridal shower dress, he wore a vest and tie. We just did a ceremony without the mass (so basically a song, few readings, the priest spoke about us a little, vows and exchanging of rings). We processed in together behind our siblings, who were our maid of honor and best man. The whole thing lasted about half an hour and was very lovely, even more so than I expected. I'm spelling all this out because the big question I had before all this was....does having a legal ceremony before the DW take away from the DW? My honest answer - eh, maybe a little bit, but not really. The whole thing felt a little more wedding-y than I wanted it to, but it was honestly because the ceremony was so lovely that it made everyone so emotional and happy for us, which isn't exactly something I can complain about! My FI was insanely nervous, and even teared up while saying his vows, which is something I didn't even expect him to do even during our Mexico wedding! My FI feels like we are very much married and has been wearing his ring around. I, on the other hand, went into it with the attitude that this wasn't my "wedding day," so I don't feel married. I haven't been wearing my ring, we haven't moved in together yet, no one is calling me by my new last name, my dad didn't walk me down the aisle, I wasn't wearing my dream dress, the priest even forgot to say "You may kiss the bride"....all in all, life hasn't really changed for me, and many of the major 'wedding day' elements were missing, so I'm still very excited for what I consider to be my REAL wedding day. I think having a 'practice round' might even take some of the pressure off on the day of. I actually kind of appreciated the fact that these two things were separate - at our church ceremony, I wasn't worried about a thing and not nervous at all (it was just the people who are the very closest, to us, so I didn't feel like I had to impress anyone) and I was able to really focus on the true meaning our marriage and our vows in a very spiritual way without worrying how my hair looked or if the photographer was getting a good shot or if it was going to rain or not - it was truly all about my and my guy and our commitment to each other, not about the party. All in all, I think the way you feel after your legal ceremony before your DW is all about your attitude towards it. Having a 'wedding before the wedding' only takes away from your DW as much as you let it. Even though it was a very meaningful ceremony that I greatly enjoyed, in a way it's just another item finished on my pre-wedding to-do list. Get married - check!

Hi all! My FI and I have written our own vows for our ceremony. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions about what kind of paper (or something else) we should write/print them on? I don't know if we'll look goofy standing up there with a piece of computer paper! Also, do you have any thoughts on who should hold them or where we should put them during the ceremony? I was thinking the best man could hold them, but that would mean they would have to be folded up in his pocket somehow, so I don't know if that would look bad. I've tried researching this but I haven't seen too much information on how other people go about this. Any thoughts?

Past brides - did you just send your wedding script to your coordinator? I realized I haven't sent that to anyone yet and it's a rather important part of the wedding!

@@LisaAnthonyPoppy I can't get over your flower girl in her little tutu---too cute!! And you look stunning. Congratulations!

Thanks for the advice ladies! @@Meg32IL THANK YOU for breaking down your numbers for me, that's exactly what I needed! Great advice about tipping the cleaning staff and bartenders. I've had a few of my guests ask me about tipping, since it's not "required" and I wasn't sure exactly what to tell them, but I'm posting this on our Facebook group. I totally think it's worth dropping some singles to get a little special treatment! I'm thinking I'll add a good tip for the bartender (I'm requesting Darius, I'll even see if I can tip him ahead of time), and maybe I won't tip the officiant, and will base my wait staff tips on performance (like if one of the waiters/bartenders is REALLY going above and beyond).

@@leggi Thanks for letting me know! I'm sure they're all great! Okay, I know this topic has been beat to death around this site but here I go again....tipping. I've read some contradicting things on different posts (that you should/shouldn't tip the officiant, DJ, photographer, wait staff, etc.) so if anyone has any opinions on the topic, let me know! I know some people don't like to get too specific when talking about money on here but I'm going for it - here's what I'm thinking as of now. Wedding Coordinator: $100 Officiant: $20 DJ (Disco Movil): $20 Wait Staff: Around $100 total, probably about $20 per waiter/bartender Hair: $15 Makeup: $10 Ceremony Violinist: $20 My questions: -Is tipping the DJ necessary since they have their own company? -Same with photographers...I hired Photos in Cancun and I've mostly read that you don't tip photographers who own their own company. Is that correct? -Should I tip the officiant? Is there anything that I should do differently?

@@KristyLee21 I think they're pretty insistent on having you pay after your initial in-person meeting with the wedding coordinator, in case there are any changes or additions or anything to your contract that could change the price. Just find a card with no foreign transaction fees, which a ton of cards seem to already have these days (Capital One and Discover are the two that I know for sure that don't have them, even for their most basic cards).