sadbride

I can completely relate to this, I was getting married by default.I never really sat down and choose my future life partner. Things got finalised in August and we were planning the wedding for December. We were friends from college but lost touch after graduating. We reconnected 2 years later. One really ugly fight made me start thinking (we were fighting prior to it too). I mostly didnt look forward to his calls or was paticulalry excited to hear from him. I realised I was so caught up with the wedding date and how convenient it would be for everyone to come and how happy my parents were that I forgot whether I really knew the guy I was marrying or whether I loved him. We fought over really petty issues, from money to what his mother said to what he thinks of my family (yeah pretty ugly). He texted saying "forget about the wedding" a month from it and that he couldnt be with some one as difficult and selfish as me. It caught me by surprise. mind you our entire relationship from aug onwards was long distance. I surprisingly didnt feel bad about him suggesting that, I even told my parents about the fight. Things just got worse. I realised that I wasn't sure if he was the one. I didnt know if i was attracted to him, when i met him in aug it felt awkward with him, the thought of kissing him freaked me out. And then I thought of the wedding night and I woke up with anxiety for a month. I didnt feel a comfort level with him. To add to the pressure he was still finishing grad school and wasnt paticularly financially independant. His parents were stressed about supporting him and then his wife would be a nightmare for them. There were constant trust issues and fights between the parents too. So amongst all this I decided to postpone the wedding. Was I crazy for doing it? Any feedback would really help.