Jenny2014

Weeee! Just put together my magnetic postcard save the dates! Will post pictures and final cost breakdown tomorrow once I get envelopes and put them all together! These have been a few weeks in the making. I put together the template multiple times, but I just wasn't loving how they were turning out when they were printed. Glossy postcards printed at Kinko's made ALL the difference.

Hi Janet, I have issues putting other people first as well.... though my wedding seems to be fairly easy for me. haha. In my regular life, I always put myself last, but inviting the right people to our wedding, and ensuring that right people come versus my nightmare of all our parents friends and none of ours, means I am enforcing MY way LOL. I will be sending out STD's for the AHR because some people already invited people to our wedding, so this is my way of being like "yes...... your invited..... to the reception......because it's a small and intimate ceremony....." And then I will do full on invites closer to the date. I am doing STD and invites to those invited to the wedding as well. STD's going out after this weekend, and then invites going out within a month. Our TA got us an amazing deal that if we don't get people to put a deposit down by the end of August, the prices will go waaayyyy up for next year. I am putting a note in with the STD to expect the invite shortly because of a travel deal. Planning is going MUCH better now that it's been cut down for the actual wedding! We'll keep in touch throughout this process! Good luck to you and your FI as well!

I am doing the same thing as you. Not inviting many people, just close, immediate family and best friends. Then, we are inviting everyone to our AHR. I am going to show the ceremony video and pictures, so that way people can see it. You can't control how people will react or feel. if they feel slighted about not being invited to the wedding, that is on them, and they don't have to come to the AHR. At the end of the day, you have to do what is going to make you and your FI happy. You dont want to look back on your wedding and hate it because 150 people came to the wedding in Mexico and you only wanted 30. Same reason why we cut it all down too. We were going to invite nearly 90 people, and now we are only inviting those really close with us. Everyone else can come celebrate with us at our AHR. The thing we are doing to make it still "feel" like those who are coming to the AHR are a part of it is we are not doing a reception in Mexico. We are just going to have a small, private dinner after the ceremony. No speeches, no first dance, no nothing. All that will be done at the AHR for the first and only time. May not be what you want to do, but just a suggestion? Do I feel a bit bad? Sure.... but my wedding isn't supposed to be a big show, its about my FI and myself, and who we are as a couple. Everyone who comes to either is there to celebrate and show their love for us. If people don't come because of whatever reason, that's not for you to make them feel better. No wedding makes absolutely everyone happy. Only you can do what you have to do to make YOURself happy!

Soo...... FI and I decided to change our entire wedding haha. We are still having it at Dreams, but we have removed, oh, about 80% of the guests. We are now only going to be inviting our immediate family (and grandparents), and a few friends- topping us out at 23 people (including us). And we are pretty sure even less than that will come- I highly doubt my grandparents will come, so that puts us at 21 with us. We are not longer going to be going with the Ultimate package, and are just going with the basic package, in the hopes we get it for free! We are just going to have a small private dinner on the beach after (@ $55/per person)....... and that's it. No fire show, no lounge furniture, not cocktail hour or reception.... and probably no bonfire earlier in the week. We will have them tape our ceremony, and I will still hire Photoshoots Vallarta for a couple of hours on the day of to get some pictures, as well as an hour a couple of days later for a ttd session. We also now have to get married on the 17th (but I am going to ask our quests to pretend it is the 18th!) LOL. Flights just weren't working for us, and if we really stuck to the 18th, either everyone would leave on the day of our wedding, or arrive on the day of our wedding. IF we separated resort costs and flight costs (instead of the package deal), our guests would be paying nearly $2000/ person. Soooo.... we are just going to ask everyone to pretend the 17th is the 18th, and have them only pay $1315/ person, leaving the day after our wedding. We are thinking on the 18th of October we will have a BIG reception back home. It seems to be the only way to accommodate everything, and allows us to still have the small, simple wedding we want. We are giving in and allowing our parents to invite whoever to the reception. As we are having the ceremony taped, we will play that, as well as a slideshow of pictures during the reception, so the guests don't feel like they didn't get to see everything. Plus, we will be doing all the firsts there- first announcement as husband and wife, first dance, cake cutting, father/daughter dance, garter toss, bouquet toss, etc. And I will get to wear my dress again!!! The costs for possibly inviting all of those people to Mexico, PLUS still having an AHR after was just ridiculous. Our wedding was basically going to top out around $50, 000 after everything was said and done. Now, with these changes, all the prep, two week stay in mexico, legal ceremony, etc. our Mexico cost is around $12, 000, with that AHR probably going to be around $15,000 (inviting around 150 people). So now everything is MUCH cheaper, and things are moving along the path we wanted. I completely got carried away with the planning and forgot our dream of simple, intimate and elegant. I got completely caught up in the show.... and I am now leaving all that to the AHR. How are you ladies doing? Have any of you undergone any drastic changes like this?

Love this post. It is so true. Relationships don't end because of this or that. People make the decision to end them, by taking certain actions / or not doing them at all. A relationship is work and sometimes you have to fight real hard for it. And at the end of your life, you'll be glad you did.

Thank you! Yes, the gust list thing is quite difficult. But we also cut out some friends to minimize our list this round, and that was tough. But since we are only officially inviting 21 people..... I will give them the big AHR to celebrate. Though now that I have mandated it, I am sure my Mom will say she won't contribute anything towards it, which is fine. But then I'm not inviting the "friend" extras she had on her list, just our family and will absorb that cost if need be. FI's parents are all on board, and want to do the AHR more than some lavish affair in Mexico. Which is a HUGE relief to me... and it makes me happy that I can now invite some "fringe" friends to our reception that I would have liked to invite to our wedding in Mexico, but didn't because we were keeping it small. And to be quite honest Mother, I did sleep quite well. I actually slept through the whole night! Granted, my dreams weren't all that impressive (had a dream FI and I got into a huge fight over wedding stuff AGAIN).... so thanks for that Mom, but otherwise, I felt rested, finally, when I woke up. I redid our budget, and wow, crazy how much everything dropped! Our budget went from $36 grand, to now $14.... and that includes out trip, pre trip shopping costs, passport renewal, legal ceremony, photography for 3 hours plus a ttd session... I know our AHR will be costly, but if we can keep it under 20 grand, I will be REALLY happy. I am really hoping it won't be as much as that, not nearly as much as that. It's my absolute worst case scenario.... and that's for about 150 people. And if my parents dont want to put anything in, fine, then its less people, less cost.

Alright, so had the discussion with my parents. My Dad is on board, and understands that we want to have the wedding that we want- small, intimate, with our closest friends and family. He understands that we don't want the big show, and that while yes, the ceremony is just "symbolic", that it means something to us to just have a small group there with us. My Mom on the other hand, is very good at inserting snide, insulting comments, even when she is saying nothing at all. I tell them that we are cutting it all back, only having parents, siblings and close friends coming. First, she says its insulting I'm not inviting my grandparents (Dad's side)... which i will give her. We added them in. My Grandma (Mom's side) has already said she is not coming at all, and Amir doesn't have any grandparents who are still with us. Secondly, she tells me that I NEED to call all those people and explain to them why they are no longer invited to our wedding. FUNNY, I haven't INVITED anyone... she did. So no, I will not do that. Like they both keep saying to me, the wedding is soooooo far away, so no invites or STD's have gone out. No one outside of who we specifically have told should know anything. She was the one who went and invited all of her friends before we were even back from our vacation where we got engaged. All of these people will be invited to our reception when we get home. And if they are insulted that we didn't invite them to our ceremony, and don't want to come, fine. Those who understand, accept and still want to celebrate with us will be there. Ohh, what else did she say... oh yes, because we are cutting everything back and not having a reception after the ceremony (just a small private dinner on the beach), why am I even bothering to do it at all. There's nothing special about any of it... WHY DOES A WEDDING HAVE TO BE A SHOW? Is it not about us as a couple? Is it not about those who have been an active part in our relationship spending time with us, and being there to witness this next chapter in our lives? We aren't here to entertain people... we are doing this to celebrate the love we have for each other, not put on a spectacle for other people. Oh yes, she also said people won't spend money and travel just for a reception, because people only go to wedding's to see the vows..... and even though we will be videotaping our vows and showing it at the reception.... no one will come for that. FINE. Then it means we don't have an AHR because if no one wants to come to it because they are insulted they didn't come to the ceremony. We must be the first people ever in the history of weddings to ask people to come to a reception and not the ceremony. Oh yes, and I said that I have been so stressed out over this wedding turning into what I didn't want that I haven't been sleeping well. What does my Mom do, bright and early this morning at 7:50... sends me a text saying good morning. Did you sleep better last night? Passive- aggressive BS. Mother's Day is coming at quite the challenging time this year, as I really am not up for fakeness this weekend with her.

I swear, people just forget. Especially those that are married, and have done all of this craziness. They forget the stress and hassle of the wedding. Yes, people have their lives and will keep doing things for them. I hate the sneakiness though. Just be truthful, just be honest. It's not fair to anyone when things are covered in lies (even if it's in an effort to not hurt someone's feelings)... Glad things worked out for you!

LOL yeah our TA also knows people won't be staying much longer after haha. We want a break and time to spend just us! Awwwww, so cute! Love that he was going to propose on the cruise... but couldn't wait! MY Fi managed to wait 4 months, and 5 days of our vacation before proposing... because he wanted to do it on our 10 year anniversary! So cute haha. I am sure it will be a nice break before all the craziness begins.... everyone keeps saying, oh, it's so far away, things could change.... yes, your right, it is a year and a half away.... BUT, it has ALREADY been 6 months! Time is flying, and we need to make some definite decisions. Which, for all the help from Heaven and down, I will be able to have by the end of today. Ahhh don't you love alcoholic issues.... super fun! Been having a bunch of my own, so I completely get it for both of you! 10 days! That is incredible! I would LOVE to do an Alaskan cruise at some point..... though after I have experienced all the hot places I can get to! haha! Living in the GTA area of Ontario means its always too flipping cold... and as much as I would LOVE to enjoy the Alaskian beauty (as I know it is!)... there are soooo many beaches in this world that I need to dig my feet into Have fun!!!!!! 10 whole days, just the two of you and no one else! Incredible

Oh, we aren't paying for the reception ourselves. We'll split it three ways, and if someone doesn't want to contribute... then their list doesn't get invited. I think there always has to be one....one person who just is more than unreasonable at times. It's in the best interest, and because she/ he is so excited for you.... but it's always too much. Sorry your FMIL is giving you some challenges. But together, through this forum and with our FI's, we will get through it all! I am seriously hoping I don't have Bridezilla moments..... though I guess the past few weeks have been such. But I don't think they are.... they are just craziness being told to me that I have to do.... and I don't want to do that! Where you going in June? Jealous of your vacay!

SERIOUSLY, right?? I am so dreading this conversation with my parents, because I know it is just going to upset us all... and my mom is going to be so pissy because it's almost mother's day and I am just trying to ruin it for her, blah, blah, blah. And what does it matter if some of those people come, how can I possibly NOT invite my godmother and godfather.... they will pay for all these additional people, so what does it matter...... It matters EVERYTHING. We aren't super close with them, and if we let them invite a few people, then we have to do the same for Amir's parents, and then we are right back to where we are standing. So no one from their list is invited, no one from Amir's parent's list is invited... they all can come to our stupid huge reception. End of discussion. Oh, they all have to fly in from out West? Too bad, so does Amir's dad's siblings... who live in PAKISTAN. Like frig.... So sad I know the exact fight I am walking into.... but I am doing it on my own, without Amir, because he doesn't need to see my parents at their absolute worst, behaviour wise. He already knows/ see's so much from them and tolerates it... I just don't need my mom being herself and possibly offending him/ having the two of them fighting on top of it. I will take the brunt of my parent's wrath.

So we decided last night we don't want this HUGE wedding this is all turning into. We made a small list (max 19 people), of our immediate family and closest friends. We only want them to come with us..... and we have agreed to do a big at home reception a few weeks later, since it matters so much to our parents that we celebrate with all of these people. FI's parents are all in- sat down with us last night, and helped us come up with the best way to do it (most cost effective for our guests), cost effective for us... and allows us to have the small, intimate wedding we do desperately want. No fuss, no reception after- just a small dinner on the beach. No big welcome bonfire, no fire show after, no lounge chairs.... nothing. Just us, our guests, a videography and out photographer. We will play the video of the ceremony at the reception, so everyone can see us say our vows to one another.... and then we will have a huge party with all of our families, friends, and parents friends. My hardest part at the moment? Telling this to my parents..... they are going to FLIP OUT, say they don't care, they will pay for all of these people to come to Mexico, blah blah blah. I just don't know how I am going to get it across to them, that they either accept this (as I was pretty close to not showing up at my own wedding because of the copious amount of stress and hatred I was feeling about this day).... or Amir and I go and do it, just the two of us, and we don't have any kind of celebration. My mom sells my dress, and that's it. They won't be invited (to our legal ceremony or Mexico), and we do it just the two of us. I am not impressed that our nice, simple, intimate DW turned into this elaborate, full-on huge wedding of 80 people (mostly our parents invites) coming to Mexico. Please, someone tell me I'm not alone. This is absolutely normal, to turn into hating the wedding other people were forcing you in to.... and having to play hardball to get your way, even at the risk of not even having anyone there at all? Why.... why is something so special, and supposed to be such a happy day, turning into a nightmare... and now me having to have an EXTREMELY difficult conversation with my parents (in which I will be told I am ruining all of their relationships with their siblings and friends).

I had pizza too! Wasn't the intention but the in-laws came over to discuss wedding, and we were fighting up until they arrive, so we didn't eat before. UGH. Seriously, if my conversation with my parents doesn't go well tonight, I am going to lose it. I don't even want to go to my own wedding anymore, so unless these changes are immediately accepted, I am calling it off, and Amir and I are eloping without ANYONE there.

I have myfitnesspal too! Just have to remember to use it.... used it for a couple of weeks and then derailed. Using it again starting today!

So....my TA called me last Wednesday (a few short hours after FI left for a conference until Saturday), and informed me that I either have to change my wedding date, or all my gusts are going to have to pay a lot more money to come to our wedding because will have to book flights and the resort separately. Sunwing is only flying down to PV once a week starting next year, and that is just on Thursday's... so either everyone has to leave on the day of our wedding, or everyone arrives on the day of our wedding. So I was sent into a panic.... that doesn't work, this has been our anniversary for over 10 years and I didn't want to change it. But if I had to change it, I didn't want to change it by just a day.... I was going to change it so my best friend could come and push it out to August. So I had to sit on this for days, and FI said we would discuss it and figure it out. Finally, he came home, and all I wanted to do was talk about it. But I didn't want to bombard him, so I waited... and waited... and waited. I also became more and more anxious, because I knew it was going to turn into this huge fight. In the mean times, I texted my BF (who lives out in Calgary), and asked her if I changed it by a month, would she be able to come. Didn't quite get the response I wanted... said maybe, so long as her job was secure, and didn't seem all that excited, so that brought me down a bit as well. Finally, last night, we were waiting to be seated for dinner, and we had some time. So we started talking about it. And realized we were on opposite sides. He was devoted to the date, and would gladly change the location if need be. I was devoted to the location, but willing to change the date (as we are getting legally married this year on our anniversary date... so what did it matter when our symbolic ceremony happen). Well, this did not go over well with FI.... and it started to turn into this huge fight. But it was when he said to me "I already didn't want to do this, and now one of the main reasons that was keeping me attached to doing this is being taken away from me, at what point do I just say F it all, and cancel it.... I would rather push it out to 2015 and have our friends all be able to come, than change the date and have September 18th be completely meaningless to us". That was when I realized, despite him saying he doesn't care, he does... and he is just as attached to the sentimentality of our date as I was.... and I had convinced myself it was okay to let that go, for what? For one friend who I was trying to get to come... who wasn't even all that excited that I was trying to change the date for her.... So now we are waiting... and seeing what the prices our TA comes back with when splitting up the flights and resort costs. If it really is going to cost a lot more, than we will have the discussion about changing everything (date, location, maybe even pushing it out another year.....) But until we know those prices, I now realize how silly it was for me to want to change the date, for just one person, when it matters so much to us as a couple, and all of our other friends, who have verbally committed to us, with the price that we estimated it would cost. Long winded, but thanks to anyone who read it! Hope someone else has experienced something like that..... dreading a conversation, knowing it wasn't going to be good.... but having it work out in the end.

amazing! So excited for you!!! Definitely going to subscribe to it and use it for inspiration! Congrats to you both! Love that you are using your little boy... what a gorgeous family!!

Alright, weigh-in day..... not such a good day... FI was gone on business for 4 days, so somehow that meant me vegging and eating crap for 4 days... so I am up 2 pounds. UGH. Hate hate! But no more! Weather is gorgeous here now, so back to walking after dinner, eating more veggies/fruit and less chips/cheezies/ ice cream. Welcome all! So we have on our team: Niki (CAKnight), Heather (Hezmshaw), Danielle (Danielle03), Jessica (Jessica Correra) and Jenny (Jenny2014)! I see we also have: Kel123073 and Ironman?? Did I miss anyone?????

Yeah, destination wedding does NOT mean free wedding, not by any means. Had to QUICKLY correct my mother with that..... she's like but it's all inclusive, they cant charge for that. Your wrong. Everyone is always wrong with my mother, so I had to show her the costs.... and she still believes the more people that come, the cheaper it will be like, like it is with local weddings, how your alcohol/ food costs go down the more people come. NOPE, not so with a DW!

Alright, so our wedding costs seem to just keep on growing. However, as things are still so far away, I am hoping I will find ways to make them much cheaper. So far our costs are looking like (estimation for most... and I am sure I have WAY over compensated... plus, we have told our parents that the extras over 29 people are being divided up between them, as we only want 29 to be there. IE. additional guest charge, std, invite, oot, bonfire, etc... i will be calculating the costs and letting them know what they owe haha): Wedding Package for 20 people: $3000 Additional Guests (50 people): $4250 Chairs for 70 people @ $7/chair: $490 Total: $7740 Ceremony costs: Programs/signs: $300 Bubbles/ fans: $300 Sand Ceremony: $50 Decor: $200- $400 Total: $1050 Reception: Decor: $500 Favors: $200 Lounge chairs: $480 Fire show: $750 Total: $1930 Flowers: Bridesmaid Bouquets: $200 Blue orchid extra cost: $150 Jewels for bouquet: $100 Rose Petals: $100 Total: $550 Music: DJ: $825 Vendor Fee/ Dinner: $200 Total: $1025 Photography: Package: $2000 Vendor Fee/ Dinner: $300 Total: $2300 Attire: Dress: $800 Veil/ Alterations: $350 Shoes: $100 Jewelery: $100 Groom Outfit: $500 Groom Shoes: $200 Pre-pampering (nails, hair): $400 Hair & makeup for BM's: $500 Total: $2950 Rings: His: $150 His ring tattoo: $500 Engagement Ring: $1500 Hers: $600 Total: $2750 OOT Bags/ Welcome Books: $900 Paper Costs: STD: $150 Invites: $250 Printing: $200 Postage: $300 (Canada-wide, to the US, to Europe and Pakistan) Guest Book: $50 Menu Cards: $100 Signs: $50 Guest Cameras/ Sign: $150 Total: $1450 Miscellaneous Costs: Bonfire: $850 Legal Ceremony: $500 Passports: $200 Set-up fee: $150 Gifts: $500 Trip Clothing: $1000 Travel Agent: $500 Misc. expenses: $1000 Total: $4700 Trip Cost: Airfare and Resort stay for 2 weeks: $6000 ($3000/person) Tips: $1000 Taxes: $1000 Total: $8000 Grand Total for 70 people: $35,345 <---- I think that will be me, if this is what the actual cost looks like at the end of all of this...... LUCKILY, there are many costs I am willing to cut, if and when the time comes to do that (ie. bonfire, lounge chairs, fire show, and decor from the ceremony/reception,oot bags) I think I just need to do an absolute worst case scenario, so that way when the prices start to come in and they are cheaper.....woo hoo!!!!

I am doing the same thing. I originally wasn't even choosing a colour, but was just letting them wear whatever they wanted. Now I have advised what colour flowers I am using, and am letting them choose whatever kind of dress from there. I am sure I will be more helpful as the timing gets closer, but I honestly just didn't care at all what they wore. I just wanted it to be something they would wear again, that they would be comfortable in, and that reflected their personality.

Glad to have helped! Post a picture when you've completed one! I love this! So cute!

Hi Kristi, I know it sucks to have to pay for a meet and greet with your guests when it is an all inclusive resort. However, you have to think about the fact that you are trying to fit 70 people into one location, and that is a bit taxing on the resort. Hence why they do charge for private events. Could it be cheaper, certainly! Bit this where they make their money. I guess you could meet by the pool- it will just be hard for everyone to get drinks, as the bar by the pool isn't very big. However, you could suggest to your guests to meet there by a certain time and to grab a drink in the lobby bar or by the pool side before meeting there. That way at least everyone is a bit split up initially? The area by the pool is kid friendly, it's mostly just open space, but there isn't a lot for them to do, entertainment wise. While it may be an expense, the bonfire is a really neat way to get everyone together in a private place that does have some entertainment for all ages. I am pretty sure I am going to be in a very similar boat as you... but I am just sucking up the cost, as the bonfire really is the cheapest way to get everyone together without paying a per person charge for dinner.

Hi there: You can check out the following few posts about brooch bouquets: http://www.bestdestinationwedding.com/t/73419/diy-brooch-bouquet http://www.bestdestinationwedding.com/t/72665/my-diy-bouquets-and-boutonnieres http://www.bestdestinationwedding.com/t/76565/diy-brooch-bouquet-tutorial-lots-of-pics JUst a few to get you started Hope it helps!

Hey Jess, I posted in another thread to you about this. But now I see more of what you were talking about. I think you both need to sit down and have a frank discussion about your finances. Many times, couples break up over money, and it really doesn't need to be an issue, so long as the communication is there. He has ideas of what he thinks is the right way to spend money, as do you. It seems like you have different ideas, and you need to come up with a compromise on how to handle it. We all see home expenses differently, but discussing it and talking it through as what is important versus what isn't maybe necessary right now is key to keeping those lines of communication open. Could you maybe put some money down on the bedroom furniture, and finance the rest, so your not completely out of pocket the whole amount, but can slowly pay it off interest free? Like I stated before.... it's hard when you both see the money as "yours" separately, and not joined. Yes, we all work hard for our money, but when your creating a life together, it needs to be seen as "ours", not two separate amounts. If you both still feel that you need to spend separately, why don't you have the joined account for mutual payments (bills, wedding stuff, apartment expenses), and transfer out any remaining amounts to your own chequing accounts. That way it is your spending money to use as you see fit (be it on yourself, on home stuff, etc.)