If I would chose I would go with Your sister in law, that's special for you both and she seems to be calming to you, which is what you will need. This is your time and your day and pushiness about a spouse not in a bridal party is childish; I have been to weddings where my husband all 3 of my children at the time were in the wedding, did I care nope! Because why we are new friends the women standing with her have been friends for life as it should be. As for you maids they need to realize this is about you and they are there to support you. Otherwise they need not stand beside you because creating unnecessary stress is not the job description. You deserve to have a MOH you can run to, who can step up and be the reliable, helpful and calming person you need. I have a maidOH and a madenOH that HATE each other and have since middle school but I promise you this they love me enough to not stress me and work together for my benefit because that's what MOH's BM's and BFF's do! Sorry for the long winded was I am just angry for you.