LCB803

That's so funny-- my fiance's boys, 5 and 9, do the same thing! It took awhile for the 5-year-old in particular to get the difference between "engaged" and "married" Congratulations, and good luck!

I agree with so much of the advice shared on this forum, and I thank you all for sharing. It is indeed nice to know we're not alone! I am in a similar situation to many of you-- I'm 7 years younger than my fiancé, he has two boys, 5 and 9. I have been involved with him since they were 2 and 6 yrs (although I didn't meet them until we'd been dating 9 months, just before their 3rd and 7th birthdays). All of my friends are either still single or newly married; a few of them have infants. But I am definitely all alone within my social circle when it comes to dealing with kids (Potty training! Tantrums! School struggles! Sleep schedules!), let alone dealing with a difficult ex-wife! To anyone struggling with the many challenges faced by women in our situation, I also recommend prayer, but also counseling. Not only does it keep you from wearing out friends and family with your "drama", but think about how much emotion and stress surrounds us in this powerless position that we are in. It really helps to have someone to process it all with, someone who offers an accurate perspective of what's really going on, and who is able to remind us dispassionately about what's really important. Of course, my fiancé is my best friend and my rock, I talk to him about everything; but the things that his ex-wife does to him, to me, and to his kids--and our powerlessness to change any of it--are just as upsetting to him, so I no longer vent to him about it, and when we do talk about some unreasonable or upsetting thing that's happened, I try to stay very matter-of-fact, or I just listen and keep my comments to myself. Otherwise, we both just end up upset and frustrated. The best summary of consolidated advice I can offer you is gathered from nearly two years of sessions with a wonderful counselor whom I credit with saving my sanity (and, probably, our relationship). It's just within the last 6 mo. or so that I finally began to really believe these things, really live them. But that's just the way it goes I suppose... Anyhow, here's my mini-mantra, I hope it resonates with some of you: How do I want to invest my resources-- my time, money, and effort? Worrying about what she says and does is a bad investment. She does not order her world according to logic, the way I do; she organizes her world according to what is best for her. Therefore, I can NEVER understand the why's and the wherefore's; no amount of my resources--my time, money or energy--can change her priorities or affect her parenting. I have to stop trying. NOTHING I do can shape or change how she behaves towards us or the kids. I can only control my reaction to her and what goes on in our house. Also remember that there can only be a fight if both sides engage. Someone has to get out of the way. Be that person/couple, and you will remove the ridge and find more tranquility than conflict. Divorce means accepting that your kids/step-kids won't have the life you would've wanted them to have (or, the life they should or could have). It's sad, but so long as you're not compromising on your "A priorities"-- the non-negotiable "red lines" in the sand that you will fight for/against regardless, e.g., schooling, day care providers, medical care, etc.-- then trust me; removing the ridge will save your sanity and help free up precious resources that your kids/step-kids need from you. Divert the time, money and energy spent fighting/worrying/stressing towards things you can control: 1) your reactions; and 2) how the kids are raised while under your roof. Draw them in to you/your home with your love, don't pull them away from the other parent's influence. Lead by example. One day they will realize that what they are hearing doesn't match with what they experience when they are with you. When one parent is a bad egg, it's a truth they can only arrive at on their own, or else you are doing just as much damage as the other parent. It may take 20 years, but it all goes in-- everything you do for your step-children makes a difference, but it's a marathon, not a race. Show them that another way exists, another window to the world, and let them decide. People were telling me these things for years, but I had to arrive at true inner peace with the situation in my own time. I'm sure it will be the same for many of you, but I can't resist trying to save you at least some gray hairs and wrinkles! So good luck, God bless you all for the difficult position you've willingly undertaken, and here's to good investments!

My fiance wants to have his two boys (ages nearly 6 and 10 by wedding time) serve as two of his groomsmen. I've agreed-- I think it's a cute idea, and I am all for anything that makes them feel more a part of things. But I do have some concerns that I will just need to troubleshoot a bit. Such as: Should they walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid, or should they be up there with my FI from the start? Will the photos appear unbalanced with 3 'maids and 1 adult groomsman? How long will they tolerate the picture session before their attention span wears out? Will they stay still at the altar for so long??? (We were thinking of having a full Mass...perhaps we should re-think!) Clearly these are small questions to overcome, and it's much more important that they feel a part of it and feel what a special, exciting time this is. My fiance and I are very close to the boys, and we have already been a family, living together, for two years now, but they're just as excited as we are for the wedding! They keep asking about it and are so excited for our site visit to Mexico in November, which we are bringing them along for. What we are NOT doing is what their mother did when she remarried earlier this year: She told them the day of or possibly the day before she she and their step-dad were getting married and a friend-- newly ordained online-- married them in their living room. All the boys remember from it is that a bunch of people came over to the house, Mommy wore a pink dress, they kissed, and then they went to dinner at an Italian restaurant.

Has anyone ordered boys' attire from Studio Suits? And how is the material in general-- thin and flimsy, or refined and weighty? Thanks for the guidance!

You 2014 ladies are lucky-- enjoy it! I am supposed to be May 2013, but we haven't finalized even our venue yet. So I am considering moving it to 2014 because I am so behind the power curve, paralyzed by indecision, and May 2013 seems to close, it is starting to freak me out! I love DIY'ing, but as each day passes, I don't see how I will have time...Which reminds me of something else I've been wondering about: isn't it hard to DIY when you know everything will need to be packed/shipped to your destination?? Any tips/feedback appreciated.

Hi Jemma, I completely understand! I am indecisive AND have been navigating the kid conundrum. My fiance has two children, but most of our friends are either childless at this time, or have only infants. If you can't swing a planning trip to see what your options are like in person, then this forum is the next best thing. We visited in July and saw 17 different locations with two different wedding planners in 3.5 days! Half of these locations were in Cancun and the rest in Playa del Carmen. We settled on Hacienda Tres Rios (HTR) for our guests (family friendly, but not overrun by kids), and Playa del Secreto for the ceremony and reception. Our ancillary events will be held at HTR (welcome cocktail, rehearsal dinner, and Sunday brunch) for roughly $1,200 per event (60 guests @ $20 supplement each). Cost control tips: Cancun seemed generally cheaper than Playa del Carmen, but not exclusively. It's about a 25 min. drive south from the airport, but I don't know what the transfer fee is (I can ask our wedding planner and get back to you). I definitely recommend considering Playa. Cancun seems pretty locked down by the "package" approach, which can be convenient, but may not offer you the best value and really limits your choices, and not in a good way. For example, you probably won't be able to bring in any of your own vendors; IF they allow it, it will be with a "vendor fee". In particular, I've heard lots of unfortunate stories about people who used the resort photographer or florist, and really regretted it. Since you're so far away, DEFINITELY consider getting a wedding planning/coordinator. According to friends who have done DW's, travel agents are helpful for coordinating all the guests' travel, details, and issues, but they will not know the area like a Mexican planner/coordinator will. We met with Denise Courtney of Euforia events (and American) and Joss Morales of Unique Cancun Weddings (a Mexican). Both were excellent, but ultimately we went with the one that showed us the venue we liked best-- Joss Morales. Euforia works exclusively on commission (to a point), and Unique Cancun Weddings costs $850. A planner/coordinator will be able to offer you lots of vendors in a variety of price ranges for each service. All-inclusive (AI) resorts/resort options may help maximize your guests' value-- and yours. Reception aside, AI resorts will often enable you to host ancillary events for a supplement fee for guests staying at the resort-- often around $15 and $20 per person. This will amount to enormous cost savings in the end. If you do the reception off the resort, push your planner/coordinator to keep bringing things down. We've gone to Joss several times asking if there was any way to bring costs down, and each time she has managed to whittle out $100 here, $200 there, $80 here... altogether, these are big savings! And she has creative problem-solving ideas like buying the liquor at a store so we don't have to pay the high costs of the vendor's all-inclusive bar. Avoid a reception venue that has a venue fee. We made the mistake of falling in love with our venue before we knew there was a $3,500 venue fee, but there was no going back! I would also recommend looking for a resort that has an adults side and a families side, so that both couples and families can essentially enjoy being in the same place. The Royal Cancun has an adults-only side as well as a family side. We visited it, but it was not for us (I can provide details if you are interested). Another resort with both was the Paradisus La Esmeralda in Playa del Carmen. It is a newer location, and gorgeous! So quiet, serene, comfortable, and luxurious, yet affordable. Unfortunately, if you plan to hold the reception or ceremony at the resort, and you plan to have children attend, then you are limited to options on the family side only. The adults-only side must stay adults-only, even for special events. If you plan to have the ceremony and reception off-resort (like we are), then it doesn't matter. Another option to consider is a small boutique hotel where you can rent out most or all of the rooms, so you can have as many kids as you want, and do what you please. Two good options are Le Reve (gorgeous!) and Omni Puerto Aventuras (so affordable! so much to do!), both in the Playa del Carmen area. (See my reviews of both here, at the bottom of the page.) Both offer either AI or EP (European Plan, where guests pay on consumption),but not both, i.e., all guests must be on one plan or the other, you can split the group up. Ultimately, if you only care about convenience and don't mind either sacrificing vision or paying for the convenience, then go with an AI resort and do all your events there. Keep in mind the packages they offer often contain a lot of "fluff" that you ordinarily wouldn't want/wouldn't want to pay for outright (rose petals on the B&G's bed, chocolate-covered strawberries, a commemorative 8x10 photo, etc.) However, if you do a little extra work, you can have your vision and probably save money by going off-resort. Yes, you'll have to hire individual vendors, but a coordinator can help you with that; you will pay only for what you really want, and you may save money in the grand scheme. Good luck! ~Lydia

Hi everyone, My fiance and I got engaged on April 1st (fortunately, it wasn't a joke!), flew to Cancun in July and saw 17 locations with two different wedding planners in 3.5 days. Phew! We fell in love with Playa del Secreto near Playa del Carmen for both the ceremony and reception, and have tentatively set the date for May 26th, 2013. (Chapel del Carmen for the ceremony and Blue Venado for the reception is our #2/backup choice.) Unfortunately, we lead very hectic lives-- he has two young kids and we both have very demanding jobs that require a lot of travel. We're constantly in and out of town, and when we are in town, we're 100% devoted to the boys. We did get a wedding coordinator-- Joss Morales of Unique Cancun Weddings-- and we can't say enough good things about her! Without her, May 2013 would be impossible for sure. I know I can probably lean on her a little more than I am currently, but let's assume I can't really do much until I return from Africa mid-September...That's only 8 months out! Is this possible?? Has anyone else thrown a DW together this fast, without it looking or feeling thrown-together?? We are absolutely thrilled to be getting married after 3.5 years together, and I have so many ideas, just not a lot of time. I'm bummed because this is supposed to be such a fun time, but the clock is stressing me out with each passing day. I almost want to push it to 2014 simply so I can have more time to enjoy the planning process (although all my married friends think this idea is nuts!). Thanks for your thoughts and input, and best of luck to all of you out there! ~Lydia

Hi Steph, We are also getting married in Riviera Maya in May 2013, and did a site visit in July. I hope yours went well! Did you end up with what you were expecting? Good luck with the planning. ~Lydia

Photography is my number-one budget priority. Its result is powerful. Its value, priceless. It's true what they say about weddings-- it's only one day. Hard to justify exorbitant expenses. But seeing as how it will be the best day of my life-- the day I finally marry my best friend and soul mate-- it is imperative that we have editorial, photographic documentation of as much of this day as possible. The right photos can transcend time and space, transporting the viewer back to the past with startling accuracy, like with memories associated with smell or song. For us, the right photography will ensure the days' events do not fade, that history can not be revised by imperfect memory or others' versions of events. Our wedding photos will be our most precious mementos of the day; of course we want them to be beautiful, elegant, and exceptional, but it's crucial the moments remain accurate, natural, pure, vibrant, and alive. Photography should capture feelings, not just images. The feeling I imagine I will feel on that day is not one I ever want diminished by budgetary limitations, such as missed opportunity, only one shooter, creative short-sightedness, traditional posey-ness, reaching an arbitrary number of frames. Our wedding day will mark a day of celebration, when two people fated to be together will overcome years of challenges and difficulties that did not drive us apart, but rather brought us together and cemented our bond. It will celebrate our acquired ability to roll with even the biggest punches. It will mark our triumph over all the adversity. I want to look back and feel that triumph forever. I have yet to book a photographer because I am nervous to entrust this critical mission to photographers in our price range. So I continue to hem-and-haw. While photography is our number-one priority, we have to face the reality of our budget. It would be an absolute honor and an answered prayer to experience the graphic beauty and evocative imagery of Sam Luna's photography on our wedding day. Thank you for offering one lucky bride the opportunity to have such a priceless gift!

Jessi-- thanks so much! I appreciate the run-down. And I know what you mean about Xcaret... gorgeous! I requested information from them, so who knows where our wedding will end up now

I'm in the same boat too... looks amazing, but I don't want to permanently damage my dress and don't want to pay for a second one. One suggestion is to consider doing a TTD session on your first anniversary, for example. There's another bride on here who did that and she said it was great because they got to enjoy the morning after the wedding with their guests, and coming back a year later, it was like having TWO weddings! I think this is what I will do. There's enough stress (and enough stressors on the budget) for this year! Hope this helps. Thanks for starting this thread!

Spunkimo, Thanks for the very thorough review! This is so completely helpful. We've started planning our May 2013 wedding after an exhausting visit to Cancun/Playa last month, when we saw 17 locations in three days! We narrowed it down to two so far. We have hired an independent wedding coordinator who has returned quotes on everything from the vendors she works for both, but I like to know what all my options are After lunching at Wicky's, I was seriously considering this as a reception venue since the food was so delicious. However, they told me the reception wouldn't be private-- i.e., they couldn't shut the restaurant down for us, regardless of how many guests we had. Did it feel intrusive, to have the other people there? I was also worried about the flow being broken up by having people both inside and outside. I know you said it ended up raining (Im so sorry!), but how was it supposed to work for you? Our first choice is Playa del Secreto's "all in one" private beach location, where we can do ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception, however, the numbers are coming in a little high. Wicky's (or other downtown options) plays into our second choice for a ceremony at Chapel del Carmen, downtown, and reception at a venue within walking distance from the chapel. What other reception venues did you consider? Was Wicky's somewhat budget friendly (e.g., less than the $10k our reception for 60 guests is coming in at for Playa del Secreto)? Also, great tip on the musicians-- do you have contact info, or names, at least, for the guitarists and the mariachi band? And thank you so much again for your other reviews, too. I had heard of DJ Carlos and thought he would be great, but not if he won't emcee! Congratulations on your wedding! Lydia

Hi Jessi, Can you please elaborate on the other places you looked at that fall into the same category as Wicky's? We're looking at Blue Venado, too, as our beach option if we decide to go in that direction for the reception; but the other option is to keep everything downtown as the ceremony will be at Chapel del Carmen. I've eaten at Wicky's and loved the food (venue is good, too), but it's expensive I think. Any recommendations are appreciated! Thanks. Lydia

I am also looking for reviews of Kiko & Carlos. How much did they charge? They seem to have an amazing repertoire, but I'm not sure how fun or energetic...? How was their ability to set the pace for and manage the flow of the reception? Did you have them do the ceremony music, too? And details are appreciated!

Hi KMOH, My fiancé and I just returned from a fact-finding trip to Cancun and Playa del Carmen for our May 2013 wedding. We saw 17 locations in three days! While we saw mostly resorts, I can positively say that there are some great options for what you are looking for. Here's what I have from my notes. Also, you may want to consider indoor reception options for January since our wedding coordinator tells us it can be chilly and very windy during that month. Good luck! Boutique hotels outside Playa del Carmen Le Reve - Amazing! Very rustic and natural. Quintessential boutique hotel, very intimate (25 rooms), right on the beach, very open/airy, and the beach and reception locations are actually BOTH very nice (seemed a unique combo, frustratingly, during our trip). There is a buy-out option since it's so small, but sounds like you may not have enough guests for that. Aprx. rate is $165/nt. for standard rooms (called Garden Suites). EP only (European Plan, i.e., not all-inclusive). About 15 min. from downtown Playa del Carmen. Pros: No charge to use/bring in outside vendors. Good "Plan B" option (i.e., rain) under the main palapa, which houses the open bar and dining area. Nice room upgrade options for those who want it, like private plunge pools Cons: Outdoor reception location only. Omni Puerto Aventuras - Small boutique hotel (30 rooms) offering either EP or all-inclusive options. Right on the beach. Indoor or outdoor reception locations. Rooms are clean, nice, and spacious, but not as luxurious as a more modern hotel/resort. Room upgrade options available; Aprx. rate is $139/nt. for a room with private outdoor jacuzzi. Rooms have terraces with hammocks!Great property offering a boutique hotel feel with all the activities, amenities, and conveniences of a resort-- it's in a gated community where there are private condo residences,free-standing restaurants, and shops. Nearby activities include golf, tennis, snorkeling, billiards, catamarans, and swimming with dolphins! On-site travel agent to help guests plan day trips. Pros: Budget friendly! Breakfast is included in the EP, but all-inclusive is also offered (though your group must be all one or the other). Tons for guests to do. Discount at nearby restaurants for Omni guests. Supermarket nearby. Cons: To have an event outside past 11pm, you must have rented out 25 rooms. Events inside are not limited. (This is a municipal restriction for all activities on a public beach, which apparently all beaches in Mexico are owned by the state). Further from the airport (1 hr.); about 20 min. from Playa. Boutique hotels in downtown Playa del Carmen I didn't go into any rooms in the following hotels, but I walked through the lobbies, and they're all very nice. My favorite was Hacienda Real! Hacienda Real - A couple (short) blocks up from the beach, but worth it! It's really beautiful and charming. A pretty small property, so it will definitely feel intimate. I don't know what the reception options are, but just down the street is Wicky's restaurant, right on the beach (delicious!). You can have a lovely reception at Wicky's, either inside or outside. I am specifically looking for outside options, but the indoor option at Wicky's was appealing enough to make me consider it; all-glass walls, very open, airy, and modern. Corto Maltes - Right on the beach, above Wicky's. I think this may be the most expensive of the ones listed here. El Fuerte - Right on the beach, across the street from Wicky's. I believe it's owned by the same company as the Corto Maltes, but less expensive, so contact them if you're interested. Kinbe Hotel - About 100 yards from the beach, just up the street from the El Fuerta and Corto Maltes. Modern, luxurious. A couple doors down from the Hotel de Plaza (below). Hotel de Plaza - French-owned, I believe. Looks very charming. About 100 yards from the beach, and a couple doors up from Kinbe Hotel.