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Is that a Paloma Blanca? I'm 95% sure I tried on that dress and loved it! It's so gorgeous, but was out of my budget... lucky you!

Thanks for the input, everyone. Deeply appreciated. I had a chat with my mom where I explained to her that while I understood she has only the best of intentions and just wants to make sure no one get sick or hurt, good intentions doesn't always mean good deeds. I explained that my fiancé and I put a lot of work into choosing our hotel, and that all of these negative comments were hurtful to us, even if she didn't mean them that way. She seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be better!

I'm assuming you want to be Dr. HisLastName? Totally doable, as a Dr. title is academic, not legal. You just start calling yourself Dr. HisLastName. It might be a little bit problematic if you're already published under your maiden name, but it should still be fairly straightforward to explain to people why some of the earlier publications on your CV are under a different name.

If I were you I'd give that money back to the guests. Even if the $75 or $85 is not meaningful, I would still really appreciate the gesture as a guest. I would definitely appreciate it more than an OOT bag. I've heard people talk about brides and grooms who get a free room because of all the rooms that their guests have booked in a very negative way, and I have to agree that it gives destination weddings a bad name. It's basically like getting a group present from your guests, one that they didn't even know they were giving you! Not cool.

OK, I need to rant. Just got off the phone with my mother, who was calling to tell me about some acquaintance of hers who had a brother who got diarrhea this one time in Mexico. A few weeks ago, she had to tell me all about some person she heard of who ate bad pork and got a worm in his brain (?!), and last month, it was news report after news report about all the violence going on in Mexico (yeah, 2000 miles away from the Riviera Maya). From the beginning, my parents have been fighting us on having a destination wedding. I've had to deal with a never-ending stream of questions and negativity. "Will it rain?" "What if the guests get lost?" "Do the restaurant workers there wash their hands?" Well, I have no control over the weather, people can get lost anywhere, and I haven't personally inspected every single restaurant in the Riviera Maya, but millions of people go there and manage to have a good time, so they must be doing something right. Everyone else has expressed happiness and excitement, including my fiancé's parents, who said it looks like a beautiful location that they're very much looking forward to visiting. If any of the other guests have negative thoughts, they're smart enough to keep it to themselves. And I know that at the end of the day my parents will come and bring lots of love to our wedding, but in the meantime, they're sure doing an excellent job of driving me nuts!

If I was your friend and you couldn't come to my wedding because of financial reasons, not only would I TOTALLY understand and still be proud to be your bridesmaid, I would also try to see if I could help you out financially (assuming that was feasible for me). I cannot fathom why your friend would be at all angry at you for this. It's not your fault if money is tight! I would tell your friend as soon as possible and work it out together.

"I'm so sorry, but we're on a really tight budget with this wedding, so we can't accommodate any more people at the event itself. But you're welcome to bring your friend to the resort on vacation with you! They'll just have to entertain themselves for a few hours during the wedding. Again, I wish we could invite everyone, but we just don't have the budget for it. Thanks for understanding."

We put this on the "registry" page of our website: "As they say, "the best present is your presence". We know we're asking you to travel a great distance, and we'd be honored if you can make it to Mexico to celebrate with us. Truly, no other gift is needed." We are doing charity registries though, so after that it says "But for those who insist — what we'd appreciate most is a contribution to one of the following charities." But if you're not doing any registries, you can just use the first part.

Truchis, I have my wedding booked at Ana y Jose Hotel for June 2013. I have a smaller group than you, about 60-70 people, but please let me know if you have any questions about AyJ! AC was a dealbreaker for us too.

Hmm. Based on everything you've written, it seems like it might be a good idea for you to have TWO weddings. One in England that your fiancé's mother can easily attend, and one in Australia on a beach. That way, you can have your dream wedding at the beach, your fiancé's mother can be at the wedding in England, none of your guests have to spend a lot of money traveling if they don't want to, and it'll be a lot easier for you to plan your beach wedding in Australia, a place that you're familiar with. I know several people to have done this because their families are from far-apart countries, and it's always worked out well.

I looked for almost the same thing as you — a small boutique hotel in Mexico that we can take over. My group is a little smaller, about 60-70 people, but most of the venues I looked at can host a wedding for 80-100. Here are my suggestions: Ana y Jose Hotel: this is where I'm doing my wedding in Tulum! PM me if you want all the details. Las Ranitas: another lovely venue in Tulum, however it has no AC. If your guests don't mind that, could be a great choice. El Pez: El Pez is also in Tulum. Amazing reviews on Tripadvisor, affordable, and stunning. However, like Las Ranitas it has no AC. Le Reve: a beautiful boutique hotel on a quiet beach in Playa del Carmen, I think around 25 rooms. There are lots of other accommodation options nearby if not all your guests fit at the hotel. Hacienda del Mar: this is not a hotel, but a 11-bedroom villa near Playa del Carmen that you can rent out. It looks gorgeous. Esencia: If I'd had a bigger budget, I would've done my wedding here. It's the most beautiful and luxurious 29-room hotel, and it's won all kinds of Traveler's Choice awards. Pricey though. Aventura Mexicana: At the other end of the price spectrum, this super affordable boutique hotel in Playa del Carmen is not on the beach, but it has two nice pools, lush gardens, and a great restaurant. Happy venue searching, and let us know what you book! Once you've made this decision, all the rest is MUCH easier.

I live in NYC too, and I found this map very helpful: http://www.budgettravel.com/feature/nonstop-caribbean-map-fly-right-to-the-beach,7593/ It tells you which Caribbean destinations you can get to non-stop. The easiest to get to on your list would be Punta Cana, DR and Montego Bay, Jamaica. My fiancé and I were looking at hotels in both those locations and almost booked at Half Moon Bay in Jamaica, but we ended up in the Riviera Maya of Mexico instead. If you're trying to keep costs low, I would say skip St. Thomas and St. John's, as they are both very pricey. Both DR and Jamaica are very cost effective. Good luck!

Are you planning on doing an at home reception afterwards? When we sent out save-the-dates, we had a note on our website saying "Because travel is not possible for everyone, we will be holding a reception back home after the wedding". Even if you don't have a location or a date for the AHR yet, just knowing that there will be one takes a lot of the pressure off to travel for those who can't afford the money or time.

With 65 people, you'll want to split it up into multiple long tables. We're having about that many people, and I'm thinking of putting 3 long tables into a square, with the dance floor in the middle. Like this:

That's amazing! One of the best weddings I ever attended was done for under $1000. Congratulations for putting together such a frugal event — I'm sure it's going to be beautiful.

Screw tradition. Parasols would be beautiful, and one single flower would be beautiful too. Both together are too much. Also, don't stress too much about this — no one cares what the bridesmaids are carrying, they're all just waiting in anticipation to see YOU walk down the aisle.

@shannonmarie: Absolutely, to each their own! This is a very personal decision, and I'm sure whatever each couple chooses will be right for them.

+1. We've been living together for 2 years and we own a home together, so what's the point of spending the night before apart? We're also doing our photographs before the ceremony. I don't get the whole "no seeing each other before the ceremony" thing, especially if you already live together!

For our guests, we invited all couples as couples, whether they were married or cohabiting or just in a long-term relationship. Invitations were addressed as "Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith", regardless of their relationship's legal status. Our single friends and family members were invited alone — just "Ms. Smith" on the invitation, not "Ms. Smith and Guest". I have heard no negative feedback about this, as the single people mostly know each other and are happy to hang out together. It's working out well for us. Our friends and family are unlikely to bring someone to a destination wedding unless they're already in a serious relationship — can you imagine traveling for a week with someone you just started dating? And if they are in a serious relationship, then we're happy to have their significant other at the wedding!

We're starting to think about entertainment for our wedding, and trying to decide whether to go with a DJ or a band. Having a great dance party is *very* important to us, so we're willing to spend quite a bit of our wedding budget on this. Based on your own wedding (if you're already married) and other weddings you've been to, which one is better? DJ - less expensive ($1000 or less vs. about $3000 for a live cover band) - much bigger repertoire of songs - songs in their original version - takes up less space Band - the "wow" factor of live musicians - cover band adds their own twist to the songs, which could be awesome if they are good musicians - a mariachi band or reggae band would be a fun touch of local flavor - can be combined with iPod music for best of both worlds

I just emailed Marvin a few days ago and he got back to me within hours. Maybe your emails are going to spam for some reason? I would try calling.

Brilliant choice. And your $3k photographer will make your $350 dress look like a million bucks.

I am 5'5" and 115 lbs (normally street size 0 or 2), and I bought my Watters sample dress in a size 8. I LOVE my dress and it would've been around $1000 new, which was the top of my budget, but the sample was only $300 so how could I resist?! It's at the tailors right now. The tailoring bill will be around $300, so total $600 which is still a good bargain. Some dresses are easier to alter than others. My dress is plain silk, which is the easiest. Anything with a lace overlay is difficult to do, because they need to match up the lace pattern exactly after it's been cut and re-sewn. Similarly, if there's complicated pleating or appliqué flowers, that makes it more difficult to alter.