Marriage is about a commitment, not about parties, but of course those are nice. but you need to do what you need to do to make sure you are ok. there might be some hurt feelings. Many people are upset we are getting married so far away, but I look back and they didn't go to my graduation, etc. It was my close friends and family who showed. I'm having a super cheap AHR because I'm on the same boat as you. I am just getting together and having a wine and cheese reception and showing my video of the wedding at my mom's or aunts house. Their houses are quite small, so I can't fit everyone sitting down. remember your AHR can be during summer or something like that, this way you can pick a park or something to save on cost go with your gut and what you and your partner really want without worrying about others. i know easier said than done!