cherany

We haven't told our parents yet, as the wedding is scheduled for 2013, but we already expect my side of the family to have a fit over the cost of the trip.  Most of them are people we don't want there, so we feel it works to our advantage.  It saves me the awkwardness of explaining why they are not invited.  My parents may not be there, due to the cost, but I'm not close to them and will not be the least bit bothered, one way or the other.

I think it is so different for each person.  Consider whether you cannot imagine getting married without your parents there, or whether you cannot imagine getting married at home.  For me, it's definitely the latter. 

The people on our guest list who are likely to come alone are long-time singles and married people whose spouses might not attend, so they're unlikely to be scrambling to find a date and will plan on coming solo from the get-go.  We have a small guest list and feel comfortable suggesting pairings/groups via e-mail, based on similar interests and personalities and/or whether they've met or not.  So far, no one has stumped us with a disagreeable personality.  Most of our friends are used to bunking up with others to save money. 

I guess it depends on the reason.  One of my BMs is 4'11" and constantly mistaken for a child.  People are always asking her to be the flower girl at their wedding (sometimes joking, sometimes not), and it seems rather degrading and not complimentary at all.  However, if that's not the reason, it could be any number of things, most of them understandable and not at all negative.

Do they want a flower girl and can't think of a young girl they'd like to ask?

Are they having an adults-only wedding, but still really want a flower girl?

Is it a way to include you, without you being a groomswoman? (Not sure if this is your future SIL through your FI, or through your brother.)

If I were asked, I'd base my decision the same as I would being asked to be a BM.  Most likely, there's nothing tacky meant by them asking, so I wouldn't interpret it that way. 

We're a same-sex couple, so rules about guys being on one side & ladies on the other is kind of out the window for us already.

I will have three bridesmaids in green dresses.

My partner will have two bridesmen in blue shirts and one bridesmaid in a blue dress (same style as my girls' green dresses). 

We talked about pairing or not pairing when they're walking down the aisle, but felt men walking down the aisle alone seemed funny, so we're pairing them up.  Two girls will walk down together, but I've seen that a lot at weddings and am not concerned about it looking odd.

As for the brides, we're each walking ourselves down side aisles, so we can walk at the same time, yet still go it alone.

Thanks for the advice on the welcome cocktails.  I've been debating what I want to do (or not do, on account of our budget) to welcome guests.  Thinking about it, it would definitely help loosen everyone up to get tipsy with guests they don't know.  We're not having a lot of guests, but those who are coming will be from various areas of the country.  Even those in the wedding party are mostly unacquainted, but we're planning to rent penthouses for them to share while they're there.  It's the kind of thing that could go beautifully, or turn into a huge disaster.  I want everyone to get along, obviously.

I'm also struggling with how much I'll have to do once we're done there and how in the world I'll have time to relax.  I do not want to be a stressed out bride; I turn into a very demanding, unforgiving person when that happens, so I need a Bridezilla prevention plan in place ahead of time! 

As shocked as I am to read about people asking/demanding to be in the wedding party (rude beyond belief!),  I know I will run into some hurt feelings/awkwardness with at least one friend I am not asking to be in the wedding, and if I don't handle it early, I'll have the same problem with her thinking she is in the wedding when she's not.  Reading how others handled this is helping me to form a game plan, so I can talk to her about it early on.

I think I will explain truthfully that I have three groups of close friends from different stages of my life (and different locations, as I now live thousands of miles away from where I grew up), and to avoid chaos with a double-digit bridal party, I have chosen one person to represent each group.  I'll have 3 bridesmaids, with no MOH (can't choose between them).

The only thing is figuring out how to explain that she's not the chosen one from her group.  I would think she would understand, since the person I'm asking is my best friend, but there's always been some competitiveness between the two of them, so I fear there will be hurt feelings, regardless.

I like the idea of putting her in charge of various tasks at the wedding, so she doesn't feel left out.  She is the type to feel extremely flattered when entrusted with big responsibilities, so I can see her getting excited about that and possibly even feeling more important than a bridesmaid.  I'll give her a fancy title and put her in the program, which will definitely help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisymable 

We had some drinks at my MOH's house which was all decorated 50s style with a life size Betty Boop, juke box, records hanging from the ceiling, etc.  They surprised me with vintage cars showing up outside and we drove around town in the cars.  Next we went to a couple of bars in town and danced the night away. It was great!

You have VERY cool friends!  This is the most unique bachelorette party I've ever seen.  I love it!

I feel the same about not asking for gifts, since we're already asking guests to travel so far.  However, I know there are a few people who are going to give us something, no matter what we do/say, and I'd rather it be something we actually want, since those particular people are likely to spend a lot on it.  I also know there are going to be family members who cannot make it to the wedding, who want to get us something.  We've decided to ask for "gift certificates" for our chosen photographer.  We're still in the process of choosing one, so the details are not ironed out yet, but however we do it, it will help us out when it comes time to order prints.

We do plan to put a note about gifts on our website, stressing that guests' presence is present enough, but if they are determined to give us something, we've set up an option for them.  If anyone doesn't like it, we're not going to worry about it; the note that we don't expect or need gifts covers that, we feel.  I know I have a few family members who will send us traditional gifts, like coffee makers and toasters, but not so many of them that I'm concerned about it.  The people I expect will do that are not likely to spend more than $20, so nothing we'll feel bad about giving away or donating. 

That stinks, both stories.  I'm in the early planning stages and, at this point, have only told a couple of people there is going to be a wedding, but I know there will be drama down the road.  Each of us have family members we plan not to invite, and some who are invited are unlikely to come, but likely to be angry with us for choosing a DW.  The way we see it, that's one of the biggest reasons to have a DW: so those people won't be there!  We only want people there whose reaction is, "Wouldn't miss it for anything!  We'll find a way."

Wow, I think I might reconsider my idea of looking for flowers at the supermarket.  The prices aren't scaring the crap out of me here, and his work looks beautiful. 

Originally Posted by noelles 

OH SO DOING A TTD

 

those are the pics I am the most excited about
 

 

Haha, same for my partner!  I think I'm equally excited about the ceremony pics & the TTD, but I know it's the TTD photos that will most blow everyone away once we're home and showing them off.  I'd venture to say a lot of friends and family members have never seen anything like that. 

Hmmm, google says Wal-Mart is a 10 minute walk from the resort I'm thinking of booking.  I guess walking there for flowers is an option, too.  I can't fathom paying such a fortune for a florist, when my needs are so simple, and I'm very easily pleased in this area.  I do want real flowers, but other than that, almost anything brightly colored and not wilting would do. 

For those who've been to Playa, can I expect to see street vendors selling flowers on 5th Avenue (or anywhere walking distance from there) on a Friday or Saturday?  

I was thinking if it's anything like the street markets where I live (tons of people selling flowers at all of them), I could just walk over the morning of and grab some flowers for my bridesmaids.  That might sound ludicrous, but I'd be happy with single strands of gladiolas or simple roses.  I'm trying to trim costs in every area not critically important to me, so I can pay for the things that are.  I like almost all tropical flowers and am having several colors at my wedding, so I wouldn't be hard to please, assuming there are vendors like that.

Does anyone know?

Same here, we're planning at least half the wedding budget for photos, probably more.  I know some things like dresses and rings are what brides dream of, but I plan to do those things for far less than most & spend the savings on photography.

I've literally spent all week stalking photographers' blogs and portfolios, and I agree Del Sol is as good as it gets, everything I was hoping for and more.  We're trying to work out a budget to make it a reality.

Did you do a TTD session with them, noelles?  We are planning on that.

Originally Posted by FabiLara 

 

Most probably multicolor!

 

Yep, I'm leaning towards having it all:

 

(all bright colors)

Orange, Pink, Blue, Green, Yellow and Red.

 

I think they'll look great in the reception.  

We're also planning a multi-colored theme.  We started out thinking orange, pink, green, and yellow, but it has evolved to orange, pink, green, and aqua, and I'm even happier with that.  I know the tropical colors will pop against the sand and white chair covers. 

Le Reve is not normally an all-inclusive, but the website says renting out 25 suites turns it into one for your exclusive use.  

I asked them if they are welcoming to same-sex weddings, and they said yes, everyone is welcome there.

http://www.hotellereve.com/?weddings_inclusive

Oops, in my relationship, that's me.  I tend to do a lot of research before big purchases, then buy what I want for myself.  It can make getting me an expensive gift rather difficult, because I already have everything I want.

I expect we'll do inexpensive gifts to one another.  We want to scrounge up all the cash we can to pay for an amazing photographer, so no other gifts needed. 

Thanks, Vanessa!  I noticed others recommended those two photographers, as well, so I checked them both out.  Citalli Rico's work is fantastic!  I ended up spending a few hours on her blog today, looking at all the weddings she's done.  She has a lot of great reception photos, too, which was exactly what I was hoping to see.

Two others that send my heart racing are Elizabeth Medina and Del Sol, although I'm guessing they're more expensive.  Our budget is in the early rough draft stages, but I know I'll be cutting a lot of categories down to the bare bones to add extra cash to our photography allowance.  We really want to do a Trash the Dress session, which could very well double our photography bill. I'm certain nothing else will cost us as much as our pictures, but struggling with where to cap the cost.

We've weighed the pros and cons of hiring locally versus flying someone in and can't see much point at all in the latter, so we're definitely going to hire locally.

Also, where price is concerned, what is the upper end of the spectrum like?  $4K?  $8K?  $12K?  I'm certainly not able to go as high as that, but I would like to have some ballpark idea.  I realize I have incredibly high expectations, and I don't want that to translate into a bride who expects $10K quality images from photographers for a $5K price tag.  I just want the absolute best my budget will allow.

If it helps to know, I'm not that interested in having a bunch of albums, videography, or any of the extras most brides probably care about.  I just want stellar image quality, full coverage of the event, images on CD, and the best ones in print.

I'm easygoing where most aspects of a DW are concerned, but photography is the one thing I want to be PERFECT.  It's absolutely the most important decision for me, way more than the dress, ring, venue, flowers, or anything else ever could be.  The way I see it, none of those other decisions matter, if they are not perfectly captured in photos.  

That said, there are so many amazing photographers to choose from, I'm feeling overwhelmed!  

One thing I'm noticing when looking through galleries and blogs is that I'm able to get a very clear idea of someone's style and ability where the ceremonies are concerned, but there are far fewer reception pictures to look through.  I realize a lot of photographers are only there for so many hours, so it makes sense, but I really want to get a good look at what these photographers can do in low light before I narrow down my choices and start contacting them. 

Several photographers have my attention with their beach ceremony pictures, but looking through the few reception pictures I can find, I feel a lot of them are far too grainy, or much too dull, or simply do not live up to my expectations.  Judging from the amazing pictures these same photographers are able to take in the day time, I realize I'm going to have to be very critical of the reception work, if I ever hope to narrow down my choices.

I'd love to hear, especially from brides who've been around this forum long enough to have seen countless wedding albums, which photographers consistently produce glowing, magazine-quality images at receptions, where lighting is often very dim?

Would love to see examples!

I'm definitely doing maracas!  I'd love personalized ones, but the cost is just too much for me, so it'll be the standard prints.  Thanks for the tips on where to get them!  Buying them once we're down there sounds a lot better than packing them in my suitcase.

So glad I found this thread!  I read through all 62 pages & took notes, haha.

I never would've thought of the majority of this stuff, so thanks to all of you for your ideas!  One thing I did not see mentioned, that I think I might add to mine, are cheap sunglasses.  I know friends often forget them when we're hanging out at the pool or the beach at home, so the same will probably be true for a DW. 

Originally Posted by torilynnsmith 

 

I cannot decide what to do four the bouquets! Originally I was dead set on calla lillies, it was pretty much the only thing I had decided on.  Now 6 months away I am second guessing my decision.  My best friend just used them in her centrepieces at her own wedding 2 weeks ago and my mom says they are kind of "over done" I wanted something simple and elegant that would not "date" my pictures but now I am just not sure.  Here are some of my inspiration pictures but I just can't decide!!!!!!  Any suggestions?!

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not usually a big fan of white bouquets, but the first and last pictures are stunning! 

That puts three of us in the same boat (er, six of us, partners included).  I'm looking for all-inclusive resort, as well, and not interested in "gay resorts," as nearly all our guests will be straight couples.

I made the mistaken of getting a bit too attached to Dreams Tulum before finding out they do not do same-sex ceremonies.  They suggested Secrets Capri in Cancun, so you might check that out.

For me, it's unlikely, because I can't get past the idea of Cancun being a place full of drunken spring break kids.  Surely, it's not that way the rest of the year, but that is where my brain goes when I hear the word Cancun, and it bothers me to think of guests feeling the same way when they receive their invitations.  (I suppose those getting married in Vegas face the same issue.)  Silly, maybe, but I'm not sure I can get past it. 

Still searching for the perfect place.

Well, to update & provide info for future wondering brides...

Same-sex ceremonies at Dreams Tulum are "not currently offered," and I'm told I should check out a resort in Cancun instead (which I'm not interested in).

I'm more than a little hurt and bummed out (I really thought I was being overly cautious in asking and would receive a warm welcome, then feel silly for even thinking it would matter), but I guess I just need to look elsewhere and not dwell on it.

I'd love to find somewhere similar that is more open, but not an exclusively/predominantly gay resort, considering we'll have maybe 1 guest who is gay & 20 who are not.

Wish me luck.