Oh wow! It's awful that whatever happened came to that! I would probably give it a little bit of time before talking about speeches, etc... I would definitely let her know you still want to be there though! Was she really upset? Or did she take it well? Maybe she was relieved because as you said, timing wasn't right? Either way, give her a little time to let it sink in and then let her know given your long lasting friendship you still really want her to be there and would really love it if she could say a few words on your special day, despite the recent dramatic events and that you hope your she understands your decision was made thinking about both of you, and how she was making you feel and how you felt about her circumstances or whatever drove you to your decision. Whatever you do, I don't envy you one bit! Good luck