I'm sorry to hear this. I haven't bugan planning yet, but i know I will run into these problems as well. If possible, I am not going to pick my wedding party until everyone that I want to be in it has paid their initial deposit. Once they have paid, then I will ask them. I hope that will work. I also want to emphasis that we would love everyone to come but know that is not possible due financial issues. Hopefully if I tell people up front to let me know right away, it will go smoother. Fingers crossed!!!