LMango

Ms. Di, holy crap, I can't believe you were pregnant!! I was 8 days late after this happened, and I was freakin' out. What a mix of emotions you must have experienced. I'm relieved there was a very happy ending, though.....you give me hope!! Dmitri Markine, thanks for your post. I actually make half as much as him, but own my property. I really don't like it when people say a prenup is about trust. It's about financial health, and the fact that the divorce rate is typically 50%. That means half of us who are so happy we are getting married may later on be getting divorced. Not exactly great things to think about when you're supposed to be excited for the wedding, but it is reality. Just an update for anyone wondering.................... *Things are okay with us!! *We're not engaged now, but I'm pretty sure he is working on it. *We found a work-around with the downpayment issue that we're both happy with. *He is such an ass and I can't imagine not having this goofy dork in my life. *He is going to counselling. I'll go with him when he is ready. He says stupid stuff sometimes and needs to figure out how to not say stupid stuff. *I'm happy with things, and everyday, am working on ensuring my life is secure, with or without a man. Can't say I don't enjoy having him in it, though. <3 you guys for your posts and support. <3

Thanks, CanadianGirl.....that's good advice. He's such a stupid ass, I can't believe it, and is pisses me off more than anything that despite him being a gigantic assmonger, I still love him. We're somewhat reconciled. We still fight sometimes, but I don't know anyone who doesn't. We make up quickly, though, and we always feel closer after. I suppose we fight hard and play harder. We're living apart, going on dates, we spend weekends together.....I'm actually really happy with that. When I miss him, I stop and think, why do I miss him? Do I just miss company? Or is it something specific about him that I miss? I like forcing myself to answer those questions. The biggest obstacle we face is his own insecurity. He'll have to go to counselling on his own to figure that one out, but I'll take him there and pick him up, and if he wants me to go in with him, I will. We did decide, though, if we get married again, we aren't doing a big wedding. We will fly somewhere with my parents, and have a small, intimate wedding and reception.

I'm definitely in a bind, now......he came over last night because he knew I was upset about some things. We ended up talking for 3 hours straight, which was very emotionally draining and included a few fights. He ended up spending the night.....ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, cannot explain how much I miss him when he isn't here. I definitely want to give us another chance. I have to stress how worried I am about how my family will react. They were so supportive of me when he said "it's over" and acted like a assface, and my friends were so supportive, and I feel like they're going to roll their eyes and secretely be mad at me. My Mom even said if we get back together, we're only going to end up breaking up again, years from now. So this doesn't make me have a lot of faith in things.....but man.....nobody has ever accepted me as imperfect as I am as him.....we make each other laugh over the stupidest things.....when I flip out with my anxiety at him, he envelops me in his big arms. I don't want to leave his arms. I can say I am now visiting the Vegas part of the forums.....but I'm thinking a year from the original date. Oh man.

Thank you, guys..... This is how I feel -->> His sister deleted me from facebook this morning!! :eek: WTF..... I'll check with you guys after the month is up. So far, I am HORRIBLE at not contacting him. At least texting is not as much contact as seeing him in person. Will check in..... Thanks, again.....

I haven't made any decisions yet, but I really want to sincerely thank everyone who posted.....I have no friends here that really give a rat's arse about weddings, marriage, love, etc., and your posts DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!! So thank you. I'm leaning towards given the relationship another chance, so long as we live APART during this process, and he goes to counselling, proceeded by us going to the same counsellor as a couple. I already have my own counsellor for my anxiety disorder. It feels weird to be in love with someone who doesn't work hard enough on his own behaviours to be the man he thinks I deserve. He just apologizes for not being "good enough." Ugh. Will keep you guys updated.... Thank you, again.....

Thank you for writing.....you're right: I reacted way too quickly. What an absolute assface he is for trying to manipulate me into letting him be on title. But still. I hate that I love and miss him so much. I know this: if we ever do continue with the relationship and get married, I'm thinking Vegas. o_O

This is going to suck hard to read. My former FI and I were supposed to be married this summer (2011) at my parent's oceanfront house in British Columbia. Up until two weeks ago, we were searching for houses. He couldn't afford a downpayment on the house, so I was going to have to pay the entire 20% (please keep in mind house prices in British Columbia are ridiculously high). Basically, he did not want to have only my name on the title of the house, regardless of who payed the downpayment. I cannot hand over half my money, even with love, trust, blah blah blah, it is is not going to happen. So he told me on email while I was at work, "it's over, and I am moving out." You're all getting married and happy, so I assume you understand the devastation I felt. I did not go home after work. I drove the three hours to my parent's house and let myself fall into their arms. Apparently, he did not think I would take him seriously. He never wanted to break up, and was horrified to hear I canceled all the confirmations I had made with wedding vendors. Maybe it's just me, but when someone you're about to marry says "it's over," I kind of get the impression the wedding isn't going to happen.....I told him not to be at home when I get back. So he rented some crappy apartment. So he was upset to hear I took him seriously, he tells me repeatedly over the next week how sorry he is, how he can't imagine life without me, how I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, basically everything you'd expect to hear from someone groveling to you. It was my birthday the following week, too, so he bought me diamonds, and flooded my home with roses and assorted flowers. We are taking a month off from talking to each other or emailing each other. I'm not sure how I feel. I'm angry and hurt that he put me and my family through this. I'm embarrassed my fiance left me 3 months before our wedding. I'm sad, because I hate and miss and love him. I'm very confused. We had problems before he "left," because he is a slob and never cleans up after himself.....I still love him. But I feel like if I gave him another chance, people would think I was some pathetic girl. I feel like I'd be letting people down if I gave him another chance. What would you guys do?

Well, it sucks she won't book with you now so you can get the group rate, but in her mind, she is right. Bitching her out is only going to make her less likely to try to make the wedding. Some people just become total assmonkeys about other peoples' weddings. If it is worth it for the amount of savings, can you make up a person to take the place of the missing BM??

I don't think it has anything to do with the DW you're planning--if you've offered to pay for everything, it should be pretty simple for your friends to figure out if they can or cannot go on a paid for vacation and watch their BF get married. F**k them. THIS IS WHY I HAVE NO GIRLFRIENDS!! There's always some bloody drama!! Even right now, the girl I asked to be my MOH said, "no thanks," and then told me I talk about the wedding too much. Oh really?? Then f**k off. The SECOND person I asked to be my MOH I've been friends with for 27 years [i'm 29]. She said no, because she already told a mutual acquaintance she would go to her wedding [i asked her first, I wanted her to be my MOH, AND I've been BEST FRIENDS with her for 27 years, while she's only be friends with this stupid girl for 10 years. You aren't nearly as important to your friends as they are to themselves. I even had a girlfriend ask me to order her a green salad and chicken breast instead of the same food everybody else is eating at my wedding. They make it about themselves. Just remember that you and your husband are a team. When you're down, he'll be there, and vica versa. As long as he is there [and you have family going too], your wedding will be amazing.

I own my own property, which is actually worth quite a bit....I love my fiancé or I wouldn't be marrying him, but, I don't think you can deny the fact that divorce is a possibility. What if he cheated on me and I decided to divorce him, and he claimed that because he contributed to my mortgage payments, he deserves half my equity?? F**K that. I love him, but my financial health is independent from his, and I will not risk my future self on the hope that things will end happily ever after.

That's absolutely inappropriate to informally invite people to someone else's wedding....wtf?? She had her wedding--that was her shot!! I would have your fiance talk to her, whoever said that about her holding a grudge against you is right--she will hold a grudge against you!! Also, of course there is something you can do if they just "show up!" First off, I'm sure your resort has security. Second ly, if it is a PRIVATE ceremony, the resort won't just let random people show up and witness someone's wedding!! Third, if she seriously threatened that....tell her the wedding is at a different resort. SERIOUSLY. If you let her walk all over you, you are setting a precedent that it is okay to walk all over you. She'll do the same thing when you have your first child--she'll invite all her friends to the hospital for the delivery, to see the baby, invite them to the shower, their first birthday, etc. My Mom's friend, who I have known for 20 years, but with whom I have NEVER been close, said that if she is not invited to my wedding, she is going to "crash" it. WTF?? Excuse me?? Find something else to do on a Saturday night!! You have to have some solid gold nuts and stand up to these people if they're going to be fixtures in your life.

Wow, I was right!! She is a d bag!!

You don't sound like a hyper-feminist--feminism is simply a fight for equality among genders, nationalities, and races. That's absolutely revolting. It sounds like the "civilized" equivalent of pissing on a woman to mark your territory. My ex-brother-in-law [yes, they're divorced] and my sister decided to take a new name when they married. I think that's cool, but I don't like losing the family connection. That's why I am content to keep my maiden name as my official name but use my FI's last name for things like a passport, etc. If you don't change your name, whose name do your kids take?? What a mess.

Wow, I hope I'm not the only one that thinks your friend sounds like a d bag?? I'm no help, frankly I'd cut ties with her. But that's why I only have no girlfriends!!